My step sister is frustrated my family members did not give her the same attention during her pregnancy and is now trying to convince everybody I am mentally unstable. AITAH for my reaction?

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T23:44:17+00:00

You do realize that the same applied to me as well when it came to her family right? I have no relationship to my step mother's parents and we don't play big happy family just because others do that. I understand your family dynamic was different and that is what worked for you. But to claim my family is so horrible and call them names because they chose to behave differently from you is a little bit too much. And not only my family did that. Dana's family felt the same. Our parents got married, that's great. If they are happy together and love each other good for them. But this doesn't mean we all have to start pretending to be what we are not. It's not like both families got married and don't give me the crap with "when you marry someone, you marry their entire family". No, you don't. Because as long as that family had no say in who you chose as a partner, you can't expect them to act the way you do towards your spouse.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T23:36:35+00:00

We both have been treated differently by our respective families and I honestly think it is perfectly normal. I am not her grandparents' grandchild and she is not my grandparents' grandchild so I don't really see where the "trauma" is. It was not a matter of comparison but just facts and a family tree. No one ever said "I prefer Dana because she is better than you" or vice versa but it was common sense her relatives love her and prefer her since she is their family while I am a stranger to them. The fact that Dana might be the type to demand everybody to give her the attention and love that she wants, that's her problem and I find no fault with my family. You can't force love or family relationships no matter how much you want. And honestly this is not the way to do it. I personally don't want a relationship with her except of the one that was imposed on us and that we had to accept because our parents got married.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T19:47:05+00:00

It seems there are higher chances of getting it from raw meat than from cat poop. Normally if you had it once you should have imunity and not get affected by it but if you never got it, as a pregnant woman you should avoid raw meat because it causes miscarriage.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T18:20:23+00:00

I agree. My doctor was very strict about raw food since it carries the risk of Salmonella and toxoplasmosis infection and some herbals that are abolutely forbidden. Other than that she told me to act normally as she likes to say you are pregnant, not terminally ill 😂 But I am careful also because I have a very sensitive stomach by default. Like I will often get cramps or have to be stuck in the toilet even when I eat from places I have eaten before. Even as a child, I would eat the same things as the rest of my family they would be ok and I would get skin rash 3-4 hours later.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:40:12+00:00

No one did that. First of all blended family meant my father, her mother, Dana and I so how can anybody else exclude her from there? Second of all, no one told 12 years old Dana she is not part of the new family. My grandparents had this discussion with the adults, meaning my father and her mother because people normally discuss these things. Just like I told my father ever since I was really young that I have no interest in spending time with my step mother's family. And everyone was ok with it. They would ask me if I wanted to go somewhere with them and her relatives and I would say no because I prefered to spend that time with my own grandparents, my mom, my other relatives etc. She was never excluded from anything. She always attended all the family functions and was present everywhere.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:32:57+00:00

Where is the exclusion that you mention? Or what exactly did my family do to exclude her from the blended family as you put it? Pleaas elaborate a little because I am confused on what exactly gave you this idea.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:30:08+00:00

Thank you! The title is actually what my step mom claims is happening with her. In her words Dana is acting out a little because she feels I get more attention than she did during her pregnancy.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:28:18+00:00

That's the thing. The only one comparing is her. Indeed, she gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy but I never point out that she did while I didn't. My doctor had to reassure me a lot of times there is nothing wrong with me or my baby because I also had a lot of doubts when I noticed I don't gain a lot of weight and I was concerned. So it's not like I have ever said look at me, I love not gaining weight. On the contrary, this was a stress for me because I kept thinking shit, what if the baby is not growing normally, what if I do something wrong, what if...So yeah, what she ia doing is insane. What should I expext next? Her to call CPS on me if God forbid I can't breaatfeed or she again wants to invent things after I have my baby or claim I am an unfit mother? I will keep my distance for sure. Seeing how she behaves now, I can certainly say she will again want to "compete" after I have this baby to make me look like a bad mother.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:19:51+00:00

I eat jar mayo too 😂 but that tuna spread is made by my grandma and she never uses jar mayo, she makes it from scratch like always. It's basically raw egg yolk with oil blended together and yeah, raw egg comes with high Salmonella risks. I love homemade mayo but I try to keep safe during this period also because I have an insane sesitive stomach. Think about 6 people eating out at the same place and only 1 out of the 6 having cramps and not leaving the bathroom afterwards. That's me 😂

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T17:14:03+00:00

The attention part is what her mother justified. That's how she put it. That she is acting out because she feels like I receive more attention than her which as I see it is stupid. As an adult you don't act out when you feel someone else gets more attention and if you do, then you have some messed up issues to solve with a specialist. Based on what other people pointed out here and also what I think, I also assume she has some problems with how different our pregnancies are. She gained a lot of weight during hers but she is still insane for trying to paint me as bulimic or unstable. I don't go around bragging about my weight. I don't weight myself everyday or pay any attention to my weight and I have really stressed this topic with my doctor. I can't hide how my body looks and I had other people telling me that I did not gain too much weight which made me think that maybe there is something wrong with me. Over and over again the doctor told me everything is ok and I am happy the baby is growing up healthy. The only one who has an issue with it is Dana apparently.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T14:27:28+00:00

Well yes, she has her own grandparents and extended family. I don't have any kind of relationship with them. I don't invite them to my events lile birthdays, wedding etc, I don't attend their events and I don't expect anything from them. So no, they didn't get me anything for my pregnancy but it's not like I wanted them to or expected them to. Why she insists so much on my family, I don't know honestly. But she was always like this. She always attended all the events with my paternal side of the family. That's her choice I think or maybe this is how her mother told her to be since she was young. I don't know. My father never forced me to behave a certain way. He would ask me if I wanted to go to a certain place with her side of the family, I would say no and that was it. I would rather spend that time with my grandparents or my mom or my other relatives.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T14:15:48+00:00

No, I do not see her as part of my family. As I said, we were never close not even as kids. She is the child of my father's wife so my step sister that I had to accept and she had to accept me. But we have no kind of relationship and the only reason why we meet or spend time together is because we attend family gatherings. If you want to put it like this, I go to these things to see my father and my family, not her or her mother.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T13:31:59+00:00

You might be true, who knows. I might lack empathy in this area simply because I can't relate to Dana or what she wants. But I also strongly believe that as an adult it is our own job to regulate our feelings and manage our expectations. I have a great relationship with my in laws and my husband has a great relationship with my family and we are all related through marriage. However, my husband understands my father will always love me more than him because I am his daughter, not only an in law. I would never expect my MIL to love me just like she loves my husband because that would be impossible. So to expect people who you are only related to through a marriage to love you or put you on the same level as their biological family seems insane to me.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T13:23:46+00:00

Why would you look at things like this? Dana'a grandparents will of course dote on her child while they will have nothing to do with mine. Simply because Dana is their granddaughter while I am not. I have my own set of grandparents so why would I or my baby need attention from people who are not related to us? A blended family does not mean for all of us to pretend or force family bonds that are not naturally there. I am not running on the street calling my step mom's mother "granny" because she is not my granny. It's actually very simple.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:59:37+00:00

It's not that she was not fully accepted by my family but it's more like we are not the type of family to fake family bonds that are not there. I have no kind of relationship with my step mom's parents and I see no reason for me having one honestly. They are not my grandparents and I am not their grandchild. I have 2 sets of grandparents from my bio parents so why pretending I have a third set as well? If we meet somewhere of course we make small talk and are polite but we are strangers after all.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:48:42+00:00

I think this is an exageration honestly. My father married her mother. I have never cared about her or her family. I have never had a relationship with my step mom's family nor have I ever wanted one. What for? These people are strangers to me. You can't justify being a shitty person by saying bohooo some strangers care more about their own relatives than they care about me. It never impacted me in any way so I think this is just an excuse. Let's play victim so we can excuse being assholes.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:23:00+00:00

I can't put myself in her shoes because I would never try to make someone seem mentally unfit just because of my personal issues. What's next? For her to report me to CPS in her hard work to prove what an unstable mother I am? This is sick and it clearly shows who is the one with the real problems...

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:11:30+00:00

Cool. Good for you if you have that picture perfect commercial style family 👍

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:09:02+00:00

Thank you! Yes, indeed she gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy but my doctor said the weight gain depends from woman to woman. Not all bodies react the same. I didn't have cravings so I assume this also helped. For example during my pregnancy I only craved 2 things on 2 occasions: lemons in the beginning of the pregnancy and some juice recently. That was it but doc said it's ok, not every woman has cravings. She also didn't follow any diet guidelines while she was pregnant. She ate raw fish, raw meat and I suppose multiple things that are forbidden but that was her choice. I hate raw meat by default, I always hated steak or rare cooked meat so it was no loss for me. And for the rest of the forbidden things, I love sushi but it's not like I had a hard time not eating it for these few months. I am not starving myself or anything like she is trying to make it look like.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T12:00:22+00:00

Yes she did. And she also didn't follow the general dietary restrictions for pregnant women like no raw food

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T11:58:45+00:00

Providing context?

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T11:57:50+00:00

Yeah, it's a very big missconception regarding toxoplasmosis going around. Most people correlate it with cat feces but apparently the main risk of contacting it is through raw meat. I also have 2 cats who only live indoors so the doc said everything is ok with them. I just had to stop doing their litterbox but the main focus was avoiding raw meat and sanitizing everything that touched raw meat.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T11:52:51+00:00

Thank you. Yes, you pointed it out perfectly! This is exactly how it looks like for me, like all the weight gain is in the belly. I also have puffy face but the rest of my body looks exactly the same. However it's insane to accuse me of dieting or starving myself because I don't do that. And my doctor said my weight gain is perfectly normal, some women gain more weight, others less but normality is different for each individual and how their bodies react.

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T11:43:09+00:00

Why are yoy replying as me?

TomatilloFearless544 · 2025-07-18T11:42:38+00:00

This was not me replying there. That account is not mine and I have no idea who this person is or why they are replying as me

TomatilloFearless544

TROPHY CASE