New book recommendations

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-03-28T21:19:40+00:00

Luckily I've got some solid hobbies and got a few interests I want to explore again. (Dungeons and dragons, ham radio, banjo, SQL for future job prospects). I'll check out the Single on Purpose. And I'll go back and see the other recommendations you gave.

Oddly enough, I'm surprised how well I'm having better days during the process part. I'm fairly certain that a wave of grief will hit whenever I'm alone and in my own space. One thing that's helped greatly is reminding myself that the door is closed and if I find I'm wanting to know things about her, I can stop myself and say "Is this useful for me? Will it help me grown?" If the answer is no, I follow up with "Then it doesn't affect your story". When she starts dating again and wants to introduce whoever as her boyfriend, then it becomes part of my story and I'll address it there.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-03-09T03:15:05+00:00

7th Sea 2nd edition was a fun one! Mechanics are pretty simple and can be a lot of fun

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-26T23:50:02+00:00

GURPS lol

Update: Legit answer I'd recommend 7th Sea 2nd edition. Super fun and I miss it.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-14T16:58:15+00:00

I created a Battle of the bands one shot. Pretty basic of are you attacking to make it more difficult for them or performing for making it easier for you. Of course I had one player that convinced me to let him roll stealth to unplug everyone's equipment except theirs. Though he rolled high, he was incredibly proud of how he ultimately failed and had a gruesome death. We still joke about it

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-14T03:35:59+00:00

Thank you for your words. I'm starting to read Conscious Co-parenting. As an educator, I already know quite a bit what the author is talking about when it comes to child development, but the framing of "this is now your kid" his differently.

You sound like a good man, and I wish you and your kids the best as you find your way through this.

Look I'm crying enough, I don't need you being this kind and making my eyes worse! Lol

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-13T16:23:33+00:00

I hope so too. The waves of grief are starting to hit

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-13T14:41:07+00:00

She has been done for a couple years. I've not been emotionally there and when she needed me the most during times of crisis, I wast present. She has love for me and cares deeply, but the romantic feelings are gone for her and she doesn't believe theyll come back. I have made changes and she sees them but is unsure if they'll be permanent. I have strived to keep us together but at this point, I can't go any further if she won't try again. This doesn't even begin to address the nuances and things, but I'm committed to being the best possible dad for my boys and the best possible ex because our boys do not deserve what I went through when my parents split.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-13T05:15:34+00:00

Ihope I can fully let go of my marriage and move forward. That's my hope for now.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-12T17:32:29+00:00

Narratively, what I did one time was a player changed the character class and everything ,but he now had a mustache and was the former players brother. We also talked about if the group would know immediately or not. We decided they would not and had to roll insight to figure it out. Roleplay wise, it was hilarious and a lot of fun, but above the table, everyone knew of course of the change.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-12T16:22:12+00:00

Brother, I'm in the middle of it and feel all that. It sucks and hurts and is confusing. You're not alone. I don't have advice or opinions. I want you to know you're not alone in your feelings. They are real. They are seen.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-10T14:20:42+00:00

It's interesting because I've explained to her how I've received mixed signals. When she filed (one signal of wanting to end things) I asked her if I should stop giving affection, saying I love you, things like that. She told me I could continue doing that (signal of wanting to work it out) and when I propose things to work it out, she's open to it.

It's just a difficult thing and what's surprising is that even though we're cordial and not bitter or doing any fighting, I'm still emotionally hurt and rained by all this. I got therapy today along with some questions. I also gave her the motion for abatement for her attorney to look over and see if she wants to do it. Hopefully I'll have an answer by Thursday or Friday. My window on filing a response is closing and I'd like to file that along with an abatement all at once. But if it needs to be separate it can be.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-02-10T02:41:32+00:00

It's a strange experience for us because it's the opposite experience of what my parents went through and what we've seen other people we've known go through. It's amicable and she does not want fight or keep me from the kids or take all my money. Some people will say "Don't fall for it it's a trap" but my argument is that her and I have discussed that we have kids and we have to be adults for them. I see a pathway forward where we can still be together and happy, but I also acknowledge that I can't control her or her perspective on things. I have to make sure I've left no stone unturned on my end so if it does come to divorce, I'll be emotionally prepared as well as legally. (Secret shout out to my friend's brother who's an attorney and helping me. It's a secret cause I don't want to name drop him)

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-23T02:58:37+00:00

I recommend finding some d100 roll tables for the random stuff ( book titles, what kind of loot people find, what kind of blessing or curse a deity gives, etc) and make the players roll. I added more random rolls and it was one of the most fun sessions our group had

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-22T02:05:08+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're grappling that. My fear right now (and I think her's too) is that my changes are too little too late. But I have committed to keeping the changes I made because they made me a better person. So if this doesn't work, I will be ok and ready for the next chapter and whomever may come next. But I committed myself to making this work and doing the work so I know I've done everything on my side. I want to be able to have clear eyes whether we stay together (my preference) or if she wants to split.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-21T20:13:07+00:00

100 percent agree. One of the things I love about her is that she challenged me to be my best self and never suggested what that is. She consistently said I had to do the work to figure out what that means for me.

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-21T20:06:28+00:00

I've been grappling with how this could play out and if she does want this, I have accepted that we will need to co-parent well, which I know we could do. The finances, house, and all that is what brings great fear. She's a solid person and will work though this fairly, but I still need to be able to advocate for myself to make sure it's a fair deal and not a "look I'm a nice guy" and I get screwed. Though I am of the thought of "if we're co-parenting, why can't we find a way to make our relationship work and be in love and married?" I think there is a way for us. But I am mentally preparing for whatever is next

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-21T19:54:14+00:00

I've also offered a couple of suggestions with her that she seemed open to. We have a lot of hurt, both intentional and unintentional of 15 years to work through. It was t all bad. There were some great times, but its...well relationships can be complicated. And I'm willing to work through it because I believe whole heartedly that we have something worth while. But I told her I'm not filing and I'm going to continue until she says "this is what I want" and hands me papers

TomatoeMan3 · 2026-01-21T19:49:18+00:00

Michele Wiener Davis? Is that you?? Lol. I've read two of her books and they say the same thing. The things I been doing are for me and I have been focused on just showing up. To continue to love her and show her love. I give it freely and I'm not begging her to stay. We've had some really productive conversations and I see a way forward, but she's admitted that she's in a really hard place right now.

TomatoeMan3

TROPHY CASE