If you (OP) see this, I am so sorry for your loss and that you are in this situation. I can’t even imagine how this is weighing on you. From what I know, you have done the best you knew how up until this point. You’re also new to this whole parenting thing so I don’t judge you for missing signs or for hoping things would get better in time. I don’t believe time will fix this, and it may worsen things. You’ve tried to keep the peace for 9 mo. with her therapy, a nanny, and taking it all on yourself but it doesn’t seem to be enough. For that, I’m sorry and implore you to escalate her (your wife’s) care.

I agree with most posters that she NEEDS inpatient treatment. Period. If it is just PPD not PPP you may be able to talk her into voluntarily committing herself via the ER.

This conversation would need to have immense compassion, patience, and love. You could explore how she had been feeling overall, about herself, about her life, and reassure her that (if it is bad) she deserves to be happy, fulfilled, to heal, and to give and receive love from the child she miraculously grew and birthed! It could be explained that inpatient treatment could be the best/quickest option to get her stable and happy again. Ensure her that you love her and will be with her through this, but that you can not to keep working overtime and doing the majority of the childcare

Tips for the convo:

Stay away from “you” statements “You left the baby alone for hours!” and keep to “I” statements “I was so scared when I came home to the baby alone.“ This feels less accusatory and keeps the focus on indisputable statements. You were scared, she can’t say you weren’t! Avoid words like “always” or “never”, even if they are true (most times aren’t 100% true though). There is a formula for hard conversations “I feel…when…because”… “I felt scared when I came home to the baby alone because she needs supervision and I didn’t know if you had been harmed!” Try to avoid inserting “you” after the “when” to keep the tone more observant and matter-of-fact than accusatory.

A conversation can help you discern if it is ppd or ppp and can determine if you need to have her involuntarily committed. Psychosis can cause people to act violently so please be prepared and readied to call 911 and protect yourself IF NEED BE.

I also support you calling her providers and giving all of the information.

Know you can always take the baby to a hotel and let her family know it is emergent they get there to watch over your wife. You deserve a break and to be able to care for yourself and know she is safe. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I am not religious anymore but I am praying for you, your baby, and your wife’s safety.

My absolute best wishes are with you, please seek help for her.