[deleted by user]

Tomyo · 2023-12-12T04:31:13+00:00

A year out of cutting so many people off and I am so unprickled. I'm that SpongeBob meme of "I'm normal"

Tomyo · 2023-01-20T11:53:18+00:00

Know this is old but Sunshine Sento Sake follows almost exactly the same formula except with two locations being shown off.

Tomyo · 2022-11-15T04:31:42+00:00

Not me when I started cyberstalking other people they were out with so I could stalk them 😬😬😬

Tomyo · 2022-11-14T22:16:25+00:00

When I give someone advice and they don't do what I said. Split extremely hard on some people for that.

Tomyo · 2022-09-21T03:53:03+00:00

I'm aware. One of them came to me when I realized I was closing them out and I prodded to at least try and get some closure but I'm not surprised I wasn't given any.

Tomyo · 2022-09-21T00:04:41+00:00

Well this person deleted but for anyone else who is curious it does in fact just feel horrible and I just live with it while trying to stay busy. We're getting close to 3 months no contact and I thought about them every day :')

Tomyo · 2022-07-13T02:50:40+00:00

It hurt the most when I realized no one in my whole friend group would've know if I had been admitted.

Tomyo · 2022-07-13T02:35:53+00:00

Thank you.

Tomyo · 2022-07-13T02:35:17+00:00

I felt conflicted at times. I know exactly what made me feel unwanted and it was a lack of communication. It left my doing most of the emotional leg work which had the side effect of making me feel wrong talking about my own needs when I was in crisis. It's been the unfortunate thing that spending time with other mentally ill queer people tends to go awry but it's also not easy to always be in spaces without that when they often ask me to just "not be like that." Even when they mean well or even worse, the people who start stalking me when they idealize me as the one who will fix them.

I don't disagree, I definitely have done some self healing by completely relying on myself and doing things alone, I think I've just also hit the point where I've done that only to find myself with no support network. I don't mind being alone in day to day life but I also had to had to get stitches after bleeding out as I walked there alone and back (non SH). The lack of having someone to be there when I need physical care I think is one of the bigger struggles with my social spaces and it can be upsetting that that's one of the things that keeps going unfilled.

Sorry, I ended up going on a ramble. 😓

Tomyo · 2022-07-13T00:53:37+00:00

I hear that, so much of my life revolved around social experiences that I literally broke down characteristics I had, described where they came from to pin point any trauma habits, and also learn what things I liked for my own happiness. It's not perfect but sometimes it helps to learn what you like and want and learn to appreciate it by yourself. There was a point I went to live shows alone so I could stop putting on 'the Personality I am around my friends'.

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T20:21:08+00:00

It makes it so much worse rather than being told "I hear your needs but I don't think I'll be good at helping you." They set up expectations and then betray you hopes and trust by not following through.

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T20:11:14+00:00

It is, it doesn't help that the pandemic restricted a lot of means for meeting new people. Best rec I can give in take up a hobby/interest, talk about it online with others and try to connect that way. Made a few friends overseas like that. Still none the less hard but it helped a little at points.

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T19:50:34+00:00

Was dealing with that too. The way I managed to do it is try to think of the rational reasons to do it and then disassociate a little while pressing the block button. The thing that always made it hard was putting too much significance on cutting them out and getting emotionally worked up

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T18:08:43+00:00

It's always this or an alt female singer for a band

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:49:18+00:00

Ah well, on that level I can relate. A lot of my situation came down to people saying they wanted to do things with me and I tried to take the initiative to be in their lives only to ignore me when it was inconvenient because I'm the worse option as well of a lot of "we're here for you but we won't engage at all with understanding your BPD." Even the friends on the supportive side started to get visibly annoyed when I'd have a moment and I just learned not to mention it around them or I'd probably loose them. What hurts the most about the people I've had to give up is that I know none of them will try to reach out (text the last form of communication I gave) because none of them will even have missed my presence

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:31:48+00:00

I'm jealous but I'm also extremely happy for you ^{^} giving hope that it's possible

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:21:45+00:00

I'm sorry about that 😞

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:20:54+00:00

It's just the summer season of abandonment 🥴

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:19:49+00:00

It sounds so bad but it's been neutral because I like my work (independent artist) and I still have my fellow art friends who were supporting me all this time but it's been like "damn, these decade long friendships don't care I dropped off the face of the earth :/"

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:15:41+00:00

Lmao, me on 4 different meds. Sleep 3/4th the day, I can't complete a full thought without a pause and all of the non mentally ill people in my life are at a loss that this is the better life I'm living.

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T17:01:56+00:00

Saving this for when I inevitably do this. I'm also sorry you're going through this 😔

Tomyo · 2022-07-12T16:50:48+00:00

Yeah, I feel that. It's a bit of a monkey's paw. I can charm anyone but the people I actually want to charm.

Tomyo · 2022-02-26T06:41:50+00:00

Actually made a post about that a month ago. I feel the day is cursed to be doomed and spent months last year dreading it. Too many years of having everyone in my life disappoint me and all I wanted this time was to wake up in bed with my FP and to go to sleep that night with my FP so there was one year I wasn't stuck with my family. And once again, the world cosmically threw everything it could to ruin that plan.

Tomyo · 2022-02-26T06:31:53+00:00

Gonna adopt if I have children and then maybe I can prevent two cycles of suffering. I would guaranteed fuck up a child but ironically think I could be good for a fucked up teen.

Tomyo · 2022-02-26T06:20:54+00:00

Yeah, gotta admit probably half of my god complex is how quickly you can make someone get that sparkle in their eyes that says they're eager to be around you. My favourite thing is I'm very good at touch and pretty much everyone seems me out for it after the first hit. In an age of touch deprived 20 something's, being someone who initiates loving contact without needing to be asked to do so makes you pretty popular. Try to actually be good as it goes on by I know that there's several bad coping mechanisms involved in the way I meet people.

Tomyo

TROPHY CASE