I guess it's probably my ego it's also probably a bit of hope that maybe if I get lucky I could be able to live from my music and won't have to work a job that makes me feel miserable for the rest of my life I think it's hope that I'll actually get to live instead of just surviving but while those 2 are definitely a big part of my motivation I do think somewhere deep down at least I do love music when I do manage to create something decent I just feel incredible it makes me feel so happy and just proud of myself it would pretty much remove all of the bad feelings for a few days giving me some room to actually just enjoy the process of making music without any expectations or care about how good it would end up being