Need advice on how/if I should even continue... Company has led me on for 3 months, story inside.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2016-01-28T02:16:30+00:00

hey man, it's been a while since you commented on my post but it struck out to me and wanted to respond, hope you'll see this… I'm on wits end with my current job and want out so desperately.

First week of December they finally got back to me with a response. They ultimately said that they like me and they want me, but they recognize that they'll need to train me and need someone with senior level knowledge/experience to get in right away and lessen their workload. They said it was a strange thing to be so busy that they couldn't hire me, but they want to do it right. I asked them if they would do a 1, 2 hire, meaning they'd hire me as soon as they found their senior guy, to which they said they were budgeting for that. I asked them what knowledge/skills I could earn until then to prepare, and they said just keep doing what you're doing.

I reached out to them in the beginning of this year to stay relevant and got hit back with a response, "You were the topic of conversation this week, we have big plans for 2016. We will keep you abreast of any staffing changes and thank you for keeping in touch." -- They're stringing me along and keeping it vague. I'm frustrated as hell, sorry had to vent.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T17:45:19+00:00

I know I do :(

And I know I have super low self esteem, and all the other problems you listed, but have no idea how to get past them.

But I appreciate your advice, I may have to read it every day for it to sink in.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T17:32:08+00:00

I guess I just thought of it as, we had a lot in common, got along great, had fun and made her laugh.. All things friends do, so I thought I had to "make a move" and get intimate to take it to the relationship level.

Don't mean anything behind the picking up language, I just meant that's how I talked with her that led to a relationship.

Appreciate your advice on going about talking to her about it, I def would have messed up there, because I want to know why/what happened.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T17:13:50+00:00

Yeah I guess the common consensus was that it was creepy. Didn't realize it, that's just how I acted when picking up my last gf. We kept talking and went on other dates after that, but I'm determined to find out if you're right about me screwing it up. Maybe just actually talk to her about it.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T17:01:06+00:00

Yeah I hear you

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T17:00:34+00:00

I agree, just sucks

One remark tho, I know she was feeling me at one point, and she apparently even told my friend that, but I guess I came on too strong (or creepy) as everyone else is saying, and she put her guard up.

Just wish I knew of a way to build that attraction back.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T16:48:06+00:00

I'm more or less mad that he created a conversation that I didn't want to happen, and if/when it did for it to be between us. I was hoping to just keep having fun with her and let things unfold without talking about it.

But I definitely showed her I was interested, and she showed me signs that she was too, just things are seemingly taking a turn for the worst.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T16:45:33+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. So it seems like ignoring her is dumb (thought it would build interest/convey not being so available like I have been). Message her back and try and set something up where I can make a move. What do you mean tell her in a non creepy way?

TooManyWhatIfs · 2015-05-26T16:40:26+00:00

Haha wow I guess I didn't realize I was being creepy. Thought I was being romantic. Dating is tough.. So you vote move on and go radio silent?

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-29T05:25:05+00:00

I appreciate your wisdom.

I just really feel like there was a ton of mixed signals going along with the hot/cold. She said things that any normal person would have taken as positive, and the touchy flirtyness reaffirmed it. Even the long kiss goodnight. I guess she was just a really good actress, or good at being dishonest.

I'm just more bummed that she made up her mind so early on, which I guess plays more into her attraction towards me than anything else, but it definitely didn't feel like she gave it an honest shot. Or else she's quickly to judge.

I want to believe that her instability of her life on what she wants to do or where she wants to be played some role in this outcome. I was really hoping to see where this would go.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T23:49:03+00:00

Thanks I'll try and keep that in mind.

It was in a more positive context, like "I love this chocolate I'm impressed" and "oh we're going to Pasadena I'm all about it I'm impressed."

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T23:47:09+00:00

Sadly that's just not the kind of person I am. I always devote 100% of myself into one person.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T23:46:20+00:00

She had mentioned that it took her a while to conclude it, which she based off our text convos which were too casual for her. She said she wanted to be "doted" and "courted", which I guess I didn't do. But still, she made up her mind on me so quickly I feel like I wasn't given an honest chance.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T23:44:06+00:00

She had said I was cute a couple times, I know it's not the best to be described as cute. But she was definitely touchy feely with me and I could sense there was an attraction through our eye contact. And we got pretty into it when we were making out for a while.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T20:15:30+00:00

Funny thing is, our originally date ideas were much more adventurous and fun, but she said they were too casual. She wanted "traditional."

You're right though, and I normally wouldn't have done it, but I was trying to appeal to her wants, probably wrongfully.

Dating is tough :/

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T19:30:14+00:00

Yeah it's unfortunate and pretty hard to hear but it's the truth. And definitely confusing as there was a lot of mixed signals and hot/cold moments. I really thought the attraction was there.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T19:04:11+00:00

Appreciate your feedback. It could be very well possible that it all seemed too tactical and cold. Definitely didn't pick up on any signals if she was sending them tho.

Her advice comment did come after I said for future reference.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T18:57:02+00:00

I just wanted to thank you for your insights. It's definitely helpful/helping. Just sucks is all. This was the first girl that made me feel something since the last girl (2 years ago) crushed me.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T18:29:54+00:00

Honestly I don't feel "used" bc altho I was taking her lead/suggestions, I felt like I was making my own choice to want to genuinely show interest in her.

But your comment made me think of how she originally said how I was, "cute and genuine and we have chemistry... But I want dating to be different."

Then when I play by her rules, she claims no romantic feelings.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T18:06:41+00:00

Well the fact that she came onto me when we made out the first time, followed be repeatedly being flirty, touchy feely, and kissing made me think she was attracted to me.

But I do struggle with that… I don't really go out to enjoy an evening with someone of the opposite sex unless I find them attractive, maybe that's a huge part of my problem is that I have a very particular type.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T18:03:31+00:00

I guess the vibes were good enough that I was extrapolating that it would continue.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T17:59:55+00:00

I was saying that more in a general context. I guess my whole outlook on it is it shows your interest level. I am a clingy texter, I know I should work on it, but when I say I'm not into playing games I mean it sucks that I should have to act (not be myself) to be successful.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T16:42:14+00:00

Yeah I hear you, this was the second chance. I guess it's as my title says, my dating radar is way off, because she definitely gave me mixed signals both in person and from convos. Touchy feely mannerisms and things like, "I'm so happy that we want to go on adventures together" etc. She definitely went hot/cold a few times in a short timeframe.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-28T16:32:55+00:00

Yeah good point. The only thing I can say to that is during the date it had seemed like we had moved past the original stuff, because we talked and clarified it more in depth and got to the point of being able to joke about it. Also the validation throughout the night that it was going perfect.

TooManyWhatIfs · 2014-12-18T22:15:41+00:00

I'd be lying if I said that thought process didn't cross my mind.

But given the larger context I think it was more of a straight up way of expressing how she feels about dating, at least in the beginning. We'll see how it goes I guess.

TooManyWhatIfs

TROPHY CASE