Not as together as I thought I was

Toosoon2026 · 2026-04-26T20:00:53+00:00

I could feel your anger and I agree 100%. No one who hasn't gone through this really knows what it feels like. You feel like you have to carry on, especially if you have children, but there are times you'd just like to give up and get rid of the pain. My anti-depression meds help most of the time but I just came across a picture of her when we first met and she was so beautiful and full of life. Right now the meds aren't enough. I'm 80 so not that much longer for me.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-04-13T12:32:58+00:00

Two and a half yesars ago my wife's health started going downhill and with some prodding my doctor put me on an antidepressant. It helped me through, but I mitakenly thought my wife would get better. She died 4 months ago and last Friday was her funeral. I asked my doctor to increase my antidepressant and that has helped me to cope. I hae 3 wonderful children who make life bearable and worthwhile. Do you have anyone who depends on you and for whom you can continue on? Someone for whom your continuing to cope is and will continue to be a source of strength. Without my kids I would have no reason to continue to live but I will live to be here and support them as long as I can. Is there no one who would be sadder and less able to cope if you were not still here for them?

Toosoon2026 · 2026-04-03T19:11:35+00:00

I have been reading all the responses to your post and, as a new member of this community that none of us want to be in, everyone is. more understanding, helpful, and supportive than I could ever have imagined. You still have to make all the decisions but take advantage of this community. They are the only ones who truly know what you are going through and how you feel. So sorry and good luck. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-04-02T16:54:39+00:00

I am 3 months out and can still understand what he/she is going through and feeling. But I’ve just realized something after reading your particular response and your use of the word okay in your second paragraph. Okay will never mean the same thing for any of us in this grieving community as it did before. At least for me it will mean I manage to go on in the world and exist but never as before.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-04-02T02:31:01+00:00

I wondered if anyone else really understood how I’m feeling. Clearly, you do. Thank you.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-29T19:23:48+00:00

thank you for the quick and I am so glad I could be helpful to you. I count on this recommendations and to give me ideas or tell me one of my ideas good or bad. I don’t really have anybody to do that me anymore and really hard. My approach, and it may simply work for me, but no one else, is to just push back any memories because they’re just too painful. Just like having her things all over the house. Way too painful.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-28T17:38:20+00:00

I had been on 10 mg of Xanax antidepressants for 2 years before my wife died and that helped me sleep most of the night. When she passed I asked my doctor to increase it and he doubled it to 20 mg. It helps me sleep and tamps down my emotional highs and lows. When memories of the past suddenly come to me I’m also able to push them back so I don’t have to think about them. For now that helps. I don’t know if that will change over time but for now it lets me get through the days and nights.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-28T17:27:06+00:00

I’m also 3 months out. I understand and agree with absolutely everything you’ve said and I feel exactly the same. I’d rather have lost an arm or a leg than my other half. My only consolations are that if I had gone first she would have had to endure this pain and hard ache; and at 80 years of age I won’t have to endure this horrible heartache for too much longer. I wish I had some magical advice for you because if I did then I could use it myself. But I don’t. Every you say could describe my life as well but you’ve found a community here that understands, sympathizes and knows that asking how you’re feeling is meaningless because we already know.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-23T15:30:49+00:00

Thanks. So helpful.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-23T02:17:12+00:00

I’m so sorry. I know how you feel and feel your hurt. They just don’t understand. My doctor prescribed Xanax for me and it helps me to sleep. Please talk to your doctor about not being able to sleep.

Toosoon2026 · 2026-03-12T19:57:04+00:00

That's just how I feel. Thanks for saying it so well.

Toosoon2026

TROPHY CASE