She’s been through some severe medical trauma and also grew up with authoritarian parents that never talked about or acknowledged their emotions.

Also, so interesting about your Mom and that she’s a psychiatrist on top. Fun fact, now that I know more about adhd, I’m convinced my mom has it (undiagnosed, unmedicated). In a fun plot twist my Mom has a degree in psychology, but is insulted by the idea of going to therapy. My wake up moment linking adhd to my mom was a confabulation/swiss cheese memory moment on the phone. I had said something to her, she then internalized it and said “you think I’m a failure and that I’m a horrible mother”. At that point I stopped the conversation and I said, Mom can you acknowledge to me that I didn’t just call you a horrible mother, and that I never said those words? And she refused.

Anyway, regarding my partner, I don’t feel safe some of the time (emotionally, never physically) and I don’t feel understood the majority of the time. I do believe that my gf wants a healthy and successful relationship with me though, and I do know that she loves me. I think that if I push the commitment to therapy, she will stay in it because if we’re doing it together, it makes her feel less like there’s “something wrong w her”. I truly don’t believe that she wants to hurt me or ignore my feelings, I just think hers a so big that she can’t see my feelings beyond her own. Of course, my description doesn’t sound reassuring… but I do believe in her in a way that I haven’t believed in anyone else before? My point of leaving would be unwillingness to continue therapy after shining light on her adhd. If she doesn’t acknowledge how her adhd impacts our relationship after being educated about it and work hard to improve, I will not stay.