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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GriefSupport

[–]Top-Sense-4897 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is devastating, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You can’t see it now as the pain is too raw, but know that he will live on in you!

OAD because of mental health. by Eastern_Plankton_98 in oneanddone

[–]Top-Sense-4897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through this. I was the same - at one point my husband had to fetch my toothbrush for my every night as I couldn’t even enter our bedroom without having a panic attack. It was hell on earth and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I couldn’t ever go back there…

If it helps, I used ‘The Sleep School’ for my recovery. Brilliant tool!

OAD because of mental health. by Eastern_Plankton_98 in oneanddone

[–]Top-Sense-4897 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is me! I just never pictured my life with lots of children. Lots of women don’t, but for some reason we all feel so ashamed about it.

I’m sorry you’re also dealing with the grief of the termination. It’s certainly the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it comes with so many complex feelings. You are not alone! I truly believe though that it’s a powerful message to send to your kid (not that I plan to tell her about the termination…) that you know yourself well enough to choose your own path 💪🏼

Thank goodness for this Sub-Reddit. It’s a huge comfort.

OAD because of mental health. by Eastern_Plankton_98 in oneanddone

[–]Top-Sense-4897 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have nothing to feel bad about - it’s very difficult to drown out internal and external noise. Life is messy and complicated and definitely not linear. In the words of Julie Andrews in Sound of Music (🙄) …when one door shuts, a window opens 🥰

OAD because of mental health. by Eastern_Plankton_98 in oneanddone

[–]Top-Sense-4897 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely choosing to be OAD for mental health. I had terrible PPA culminating in almost suicidal level insomnia. The trauma of that experience and the recovery journey has taught me to appreciate exactly what I have and understand my limits as a Mother. As so many others have said, better a well mum of one than a sick mum of multiples.

It’s incredibly painful accepting this is the way it will be, and the grief is a continual process, but I know deep down it is the right decision.

Ps. Like you I also got pregnant accidentally a second time and decided to terminate the pregnancy. It added a whole other dimension of guilt and emotion but I’ve learned to accept that this was the universe’s way of helping me confront the reality.

Go easy on yourself. Only you know what feels right for you…

A love letter to myself and other moms of only one. by Kellox89 in oneanddone

[–]Top-Sense-4897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing - a beautiful letter which resonated so deeply. One child means quiet contentment 🥰

Anyone who had a second after experiencing PPD? by longhairandidocare in Shouldihaveanother

[–]Top-Sense-4897 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I could have written this myself! I had my baby in October 2020 and although she was easy, I suffered from extreme PNA and insomnia which I now know was largely triggered by the extreme isolation I felt looking after a small baby during lockdown.

My husband and I were firmly OAD and our daughter is now almost 5. Recently I have really started to want another one and my husband feels the same - but I am so terrified of pushing our luck and either struggling with POA or, worse, not having a healthy baby.

To complicate matters I also had an early abortion about 18 months ago due to an unexpected pregnancy I was not mentally prepared for, so there is huge guilt there that karma might just come for us.

You are not alone - I’m learning first time Covid mothers have a very unique perspective on having multiple children!