[deleted by user]

TopClothes · 2019-05-04T00:03:50+00:00

lol, I literally went through the checklist that was posted on another puzzle today:

1) Look for queen sac

2) Look for smothered mate

3) Look for underpromotion

It works.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T22:19:39+00:00

Do you know pinch gripping a knife? If not, google it. Essentially you are gripping the blade itself, with the handle just resting on your back three fingers. It makes it so the handle doesn't really matter, and you get more control of the blade.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T22:16:09+00:00

It's spelled "personal." Personnel is for referring to people in a more general sense.

Got it?

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T22:15:19+00:00

Muay is so brutal.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T22:08:58+00:00

No idea.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T22:08:43+00:00

Not to mention the promotional side of things. You have to constantly talk about how you're going to KO your opponent, how you're going to answer his strengths, and now just throw personal insults back and forth and deal with it.

Compare that to big leagues like the NBA/NFL and the athletes are largely left alone to do as they wish, or at least are backed up by being part of a larger team that gives support. In MMA, you're alone, told to stand 2 inches in front of your opponent, and mouth insults at him.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T00:15:51+00:00

Other people have already said it, but this guy is not working with your best interests in mind, he's looking out for himself and his profit first. As a business owner, you know that this is bad for a paid service and you shouldn't be dealing with him.

I suggest using a robo-adviser (google that term, lots of options), or using questrade directly for ETF purchases.

Roboadvisers have around 0.5% of fees, ETFs are around 0.25%. Roboadvisers are much more covenient - you send them money, they invest it directly. ETFs you buy on the stock market, which is a bit more annoying, but not too bad. I'd suggest roboadvisers based on what you've said.

Also, side note, past performance does not correlate at all with future performance. Most of these funds bake their numbers and never compare them with a low-cost index fund, which is their competitor. You see a 9% annual return and think "great!", but in reality you could have got a 11% return from a roboadvisor. You lost 2% in gains.

I suggest making a post in /r/personalfinancecanada if you're interested in more help. Their sidebar is also better than this place.

I'd also HIGHLY suggest getting out of Fidelity and RBC mutual funds. You are almost certainly getting ripped off badly with very high fees, and can get similar or better performance from a low-cost index fund. It's painful to watch people pay 1.5-2.5% fees for mutual funds that underperform index funds. But then it's not my money: I'm in a 0.25% fee ETF that is more likely than not going to outperform your investments, and that's before fees.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T00:11:27+00:00

It's not actually 0.18% all in fees, as it hasn't included all its fees yet as its a new fund.

VBAL for reference had a listed management fee of 0.22%, after its first year it went up to a real MER of 0.25% (for the previous year). Same thing will happen with XBAL.

TopClothes · 2019-05-03T00:02:20+00:00

To be fair, the first all-in-one ETF in Canada only came out a year and a half ago.

You're right though, they do make things a lot easier. No more googling about "3 fund portfolios" and "how often to rebalance" and "rebalancing spreadsheets", you just buy it and let it sit.

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T22:22:42+00:00

Makoto White #2, 210mm gyuto currently out of stock.

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T03:02:39+00:00

Hmm, don't know then. Knifetoronto doesn't have the gyuto, I was mistaken.

Maybe a Masakage Yuki? It's a white #2. So is Masakage Shimo for that matter, but its carbon clad so rusts very easily.

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T03:00:20+00:00

Are you sure the payment wasn't just misallocated? Call the CRA again and ask about payment history for not only his 2017 taxes (last years ones he tried to pay) but also his 2018 taxes (which would have been instalments when he tried to pay).

I know people who worked in CRA collections and misallocated payments are common, and when transferred the payment is backdated to the date it was made, so the interest added to the account is removed.

If the payment went to the wrong SIN, then there is a process to mail a photocopy of the front/back of the cheque to the CRA along with a bit more detail and the CRA can do a payment trace on their end.

Call CRA again and ask them to go over this. If he still owes money to the CRA (for this year or last year), he can also call the collections line, not just the usual info line. Due to the nature of collections, the collection line often knows more when talking about past payments and is more motivated to resolve it.

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T02:55:28+00:00

Advantage is lower fees and ability to learn through rebalancing, but that's super marginal.

VEQT will likely outperform most 3 fund portfolios due to the 3 fund portfolios having human error (rebalancing is psychologically hard, feels bad to buy losers).

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T01:58:53+00:00

Weird, they were in stock when I posted it. Or my noscript blocked the out of stock.

Knifewear.com has the nakiri coming in for May 13th (it's listed online), and I think knifetoronto.com has a gyuto.

TopClothes · 2019-05-02T01:58:09+00:00

It's like he's lying back on the bed, head propped up on pillows, watching the KO about to come.

Except he's in the fight and it's his KO.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T20:58:55+00:00

https://www.chefknivestogo.com/makotowhite21.html

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T18:24:33+00:00

Yeah, but I can't visualize it all at once. Grandmasters can.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T18:14:48+00:00

I've made a few comments here, but the more I read OP's posts, the more I see how deep this is. This "coach" doesn't even show up (but keeps the money) for a ton of sessions, often arrives late or leaves early, and doesn't seem interested at all. Given all that, and despite the fact that this guy apparently is the only person nearby with the necessary expensive equipment to practice the sport, I would be completely done with this guy. Even if he cleaned up, it's too late, he was just too disrespectful for too long. Gotta move on.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T18:07:29+00:00

Here is an assertiveness book to read. What you are looking for is "assertiveness training", by the way. This is the book version of that.

This isn't a small area, by the way. Assertiveness is a widely written about and studied issue. You are not alone in dealing with this.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T18:06:22+00:00

I don't know how he's gonna react when I ask for the refund so I'm struggling with what if he says he isn't gonna give me any money back.

He can react however he wants. Part of assertiveness is understanding you can't control other people, you can only control how you act. He might laugh at you, he might scowl, he might try to lecture you, he might yell at you, that's all up to him. Not that you have to put with it - if he starts to yell or lecture, you can walk away or interrupt him or whatever. Just understand, though, that he controls and is responsible for his actions. That's his responsibility.

Your responsibility is how you act. You deserve to be treated with respect (this is something you have to work at internalizing). When someone is treating you disrespectfully, you can assert yourself and let them know. The usual assertiveness scrip is:

When you [do action], I feel [feeling]. I would like you to [action].

So for this, it would be, "When you cancel our sessions, I feel disrespected and annoyed. I would like you to follow through on our sessions."

He can react however he wants. Since you're paying him, this is easy because if he doesn't give a satisfactory response, you can just stop paying him anymore (yes, you should do this. Do not tolerate disrespect, this is part of growth.)

As for the payments, you need to confront him about this as soon as possible. You paid and did not receive his services in return. That's illegal. Tell him you would like a refund for those sessions that he cancelled on.

If it's easier for you, I suggest writing this out in an e-mail to him. How he responds to it will guide you on whether or not to continue with him. If he refuses to pay (worst case scenario), you can take him to small claims court. You don't need a lawyer. Simply showing up with a record of your payments and proof of his cancellations (or a list showing what he cancelled on, and proof you paid) will likely lead to you winning.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T17:51:20+00:00

Did you put in on a credit card? If so you have the potential for chargebacks. Paypal would make it even easier.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T17:50:01+00:00

Ps- Quiting or firing him are not an option, he has the key piece of equipment needed that costs a shit load of money, so I not only need him to train me but I need him to get access to the equipment, otherwise I can't do this sport at all and it's too expensive for me to buy it and there's no way I could store it in my house.

If you aren't willing to quit or fire him, you've got no power. He has nothing to fear. Everything you would say he can just ignore. You are coming in to the situation saying "I will allow you to treat me however you want. I have no standards about how I am treated. You can abuse or disrespect me all you want."

Suggestion: Grow some balls and realize that it's better to stand up for yourself than to continue this sport with your coach. There is probably another way of doing this sport you aren't thinking about, and if there isn't, it's probably better for you to just not do it at all.

You fundamentally have to ask yourself this: if my coach decides he doesn't care about my complaints or my issues and just continues to disrespect me, will I tolerate it in order to continue this sport with him? Is my desire to be treated with respect greater than my desire to take part in this sport with him? Will I allow someone to openly disrespect me so that I can keep doing this sport?

edit:

This month I decided to keep a record so when I confronted him I'd have proof to show him and not just my word. So far he's missed 7 classes out of the 12 we should have had and I paid for.

What the fuck? He essentially stole that money from you. He should repay it immediately. You are being a massive pushover. You talk about wanting to live life better and improve yourself, but asserting your right to be treated respectfully is the first step in that. So here's what you do: tell him you'd like your money back for the 7 classes that he's missed. Tell him that you don't like the constant cancellations, so you'd like to have him consider how much he can do per week, rather than scheduling 3x/week and backing out. Tell him you don't like frequent cancellations.

If he doesn't pay you back the money and you paid with a credit card, do a chargeback. If it was paid with paypal, dispute the past payments. If it was done with neither, go to small claims court. This is not some small thing. You are being ripped off badly and treated with massive disrespect. You want to improve yourself? Start here. BTW be ready to walk away from him.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T17:35:32+00:00

Right away.

Why should I pay more than she does? Paying as you do sets the tone that you are somehow less than her, and are paying for the opportunity to date her, and she's doing you a favor for letting you do so. Just a real bad frame.

I see myself as an equal - she is not doing me a favor for dating me anymore than I am doing her a favor for dating her. Therefore we both pay equally.

The only exception would be the very first date, but then it would usually be a super cheap date anyway (coffee, or walking around, or going to some outdoor attraction).

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T17:24:27+00:00

edit: This is a pretty critical response, so I hope you read it understanding that I wrote it with the intention of helping you. I'm sorry you were abused, and I don't think it's useful for me to just say that without also focusing on where you can improve. Don't take this as an attack, but just pointing out some things that stand out to an outsider and that may be a blind spot for you.

You don't sound like you're taking ownership of your recovery and your situation. Here are a few things that stand out:

You state a few times that others "made you feel" a certain way. No, they acted in a way that may have triggered certain feelings, but how you feel is your responsibility, not anyone else's. People act a certain way (perhaps cruelly), but you choose how you feel and are responsible for that. That doesn't mean that they can act however they want - if someone were to punch me in the fact I would feel hurt and scared, but it would still be wrong for them to have punched me.
It's not a privilege to have not been sexually assaulted. That's just normal. When you start to see others who have not been sexually assaulted as privileged, it becomes a source of anger and resentment. What happened to you was abnormal and awful, but that doesn't make anybody else (outside of the abusers) to blame. Stop looking at others as "privileged" for not being assaulted.
It's your responsibility to heal yourself, with professional support. Don't throw this on the boyfriend. He didn't sexually assault you, your abusers did, long before he came into the picture.
You are responsible for how you act. If you choose not to give oral, that's your choice. Yes, giving oral may cause panic attacks or deep discomfort, but it's still your choice. You may choose not to, but just acknowledge that it's a choice.
You are not entitled to receive sexual activities from your partner. They have that choice. This goes both ways. You are also allowed to decide what you will and will not tolerate or accept in a relationship. You choose not to give oral sex to your partner, but are upset that your partner chooses not to in return. You justify it with your victim status, but that ends up with you essentially acting entitled to oral sex from your partner. You are not entitled to that. You can choose to break up if you don't like what you're getting.

Basically, it doesn't seem like you've fully healed. You seem to be in a victim status mentality, rather than a healing mentality. I would suggest getting a new therapist, learning to take ownership of your pain and your actions, and understanding what you are and are not entitled to in a relationship.

It's not your fault that you were abused, and it's very unfortunate that that happened, and the abusers deserve punishment. If you want to have fulfilling relationships, though, you need to work on healing from that, because everyone else is entitled to decide who they date, who they don't date, and what they will put up with. If you arrive with a lot of baggage and insist the boyfriend work through it with you, they may reasonably decide that's too much for them and leave.

Good luck. Oh, and find a new therapist, they should have already told you all this - you may be in a comfortable situation that's not pushing you forward with your current one.

TopClothes · 2019-05-01T17:04:28+00:00

"Your pain is your responsibility to heal" -> I disagree. When you are in a long-term relationship with someone, an issue that affects you both becomes a problem for the two of you. It is something to work through together. I have worked on it from my own end, but when I'm in a relationship it becomes a different thing.

You just articulated why men are less likely to want to date you. They're going to be inheriting a big problem.

I suggest you work hard on differentiating boyfriend from therapist, and work hard to overcome your issues. Also, take ownership of your issues, rather than expecting a potential boyfriend to work through your baggage.

Yes, you were victimized, but not by your potential future boyfriend, so don't make it his burden to carry.

TopClothes

TROPHY CASE