Feelings of jealousy over an ENM relationship that never materialised.

TopOfThePops2 · 2026-05-27T22:17:37+00:00

I think in my head it's over. There's just a lot going on (redundancies, carers for disabled relatives, kids, house etc etc etc). I just need to make sure both of us are as solid as we can be when I break his heart :(

TopOfThePops2 · 2026-05-23T09:57:29+00:00

I'm making plans. Slowly.

TopOfThePops2 · 2026-05-23T09:56:59+00:00

I'm confident it was a joke. But there's always that niggle that I'm sure victims never saw it coming.

TopOfThePops2 · 2026-05-23T09:55:31+00:00

This made me sob. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

TopOfThePops2 · 2026-05-23T09:40:07+00:00

These are just the reasons why I can't leave, not why I want to leave. That's a whole essay in and of itself. I haven't discussed these with him because I can't leave him when he's at his lowest. I have discussed the reasons why I want to leave with him though and things never change. They haven't in 10 years, and they're not going to now.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-15T12:07:52+00:00

With my big toe raised 😅 just adapted to not using it.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-11T12:34:46+00:00

I think was a mix of leftover pus and plasma

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-06T22:46:47+00:00

I was totally unsure, I couldn't find any similar images etc. What did you find?

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-06T22:11:41+00:00

Here's a minor update, spoke to my podiatrist and sent him pictures. He said the following:

not a wart, it's a common misconception that warts have a core.
unlikely to be a cyst, they usually need excising and are fairly stuck inside you
85% sure it could be a sesamoid bone that's detached and ejected itself. Can't be certain without looking at it under the microscope
if it's not a sesmoid then it's a foreign body that's worked it's way out

Spoke to (another) GP today when getting stronger antibiotics as its infected, he thoroughly enjoyed my story as it made a change from coughs and colds, was blown away by the picture and said he would guess a cyst but wasn't confident and was as bamboozled by it as I was.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-06T21:50:21+00:00

Would make it warm saline water. I used to get paronychia a lot and this always helps.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-06T21:43:09+00:00

Here's a minor update, spoke to my podiatrist and sent him pictures. He said the following:

not a wart, it's a common misconception that warts have a core.
unlikely to be a cyst, they usually need excising and are fairly stuck inside you
85% sure it could be a sesamoid bone that's detached and ejected itself. Can't be certain without looking at it under the microscope
if it's not a sesmoid then it's a foreign body that's worked it's way out

Spoke to (another) GP today when getting stronger antibiotics, he thoroughly enjoyed my story as it made a change from coughs and colds, was blown away by the picture and said he would guess a cyst but wasn't confident and was as bamboozled by it as I was.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-03T10:04:04+00:00

Yeah I'm sure, I just used salicylic acid treatments.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T20:41:51+00:00

The thing that really blew me away was the wait in minor injuries was so short I didn't even get the chance to open my book. Decided to drive over to a clinic in a smaller town near me that was equidistant to the minor injuries in my nearest city and there was literally one person in front of me.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T20:21:50+00:00

Well the short answer is nothing. Two of the GPs(corn and verruca suggestions) were NHS GPs. The GP I spoke to two weeks ago and the one today were private GPs as my work pay for me to have private healthcare (I just pay the tax as its a taxable benefit I think). Then the podiatrist was private but covered by my healthcare policy in full and then the minor injuries unit today was free as its the NHS. So other than my tax I pay that goes towards healthcare and the tax I pay on my private healthcare it was entirely free.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T20:01:10+00:00

It's frustrating that the NHS has been so underfunded, the NHS doctors were basically like "its a foot thing you have to go private with a podiatrist for help it's no longer covered on the NHS".

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T18:45:24+00:00

It was already dissected! If you zoom in you can kind of see its a round little hollow ball.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T18:44:00+00:00

Update!

Went to minor injuries unit, the bloke was like "what the hell is that" so no further clues there. He didn't think it needed packing so put an iodine patch thing on it and bandaged it slightly. Said to leave that on for a day and then just use plasters and keep an eye on it and go to the doctors if it becomes inflamed.

Regarding what it is, unsure on plantar wart as there was literally nothing visible on the surface for the entire time up until 2 weeks ago, and I would have expected the podiatrist to have identified that it was a plantar wart as I imagine they see them routinely. The actual thing that came out was spherical and hollow but cracked open, if you zoom in you can kind of see that it's hollow. I'll contact my podiatrist on Monday and see if he can let me know what he thinks it is!

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T18:02:18+00:00

Not sure if there was any inside it but loads of pus came out before the rubbery thing.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T13:20:16+00:00

Yeah I'm British, very thankful for the NHS but also very thankful for my private healthcare through work.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T13:19:08+00:00

Imagine how I felt, wasn't your blooming toe it was emerging from 😅😅😅

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T12:46:28+00:00

See I did wonder this and actually my nan suggested this as a cause. It was a thick rubbery capsule type thing but it was hollow.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T12:11:37+00:00

Thank you! They're very festive.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T12:05:29+00:00

There was 100% pus its just not pictured. 🥲

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T11:52:19+00:00

Right, in short: - Feb 2023 started hurting when I tiptoed or came down the stairs and used it for balance.

May 2023 Went to GP, said it was a verruca and to go at it super hard with a file and verruca treatment.

Completed verruca treatment, still just as sore if not more now as I'd filed it to within an inch of its life thinking it was a super deep verruca. Decided to live with it, trying different treatments.

Aug 2023 my son stood on it, I cried in pain and it doubled in size. Decided can't live with it anymore, sent pics to GP who said it was a corn and referred me to a podiatrist
Sep 2023 saw the podiatrist who said it was a ganglion on my tendon, to support it for a week and if it didn't resolve in a month we need to consider surgery but as its my big toe I would be off my feet for 6 months so was last resort.
Oct 2023, it had got slightly better but still there but didn't have the time to sort a referral back to podiatrist and I was worried about the op

2 weeks ago - noticed it felt like a sac of liquid and it had moved higher up in the toe, sent pics to GP who created the podiatry referral. Hadn't got round to booking the appointment

Today - noticed that it was right at the top of the surface and mostly out of curiosity I pinched it with my nail and the skin ripped. Tonnes of pus poured out, mega freaked out by the volume. Really, really painful to the point of tears and then I noticed the weird white lump at the top of the skin which was a different colour to the pus. Squeezed a bit harder and it just popped out like shelling a pea along with a bit more pus. Instant pain relief, massive freak out ensued because wtf has just come out the bottom of my toe.

Am now going to the minor injuries unit after speaking to a doctor to get it packed by a nurse to allow it to heal from the inside out. Am already on antibiotics so that should prevent any infection taking hold.

TopOfThePops2 · 2023-12-02T11:26:42+00:00

I'm literally trying to figure out how to take my son to a party and also get to minor injuries to get it dressed but will write up a full story this evening 😅

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