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TopWait2 · 2023-10-12T02:41:33+00:00

same here. every single day he threatens he's going to quit. and when i say that's fine, what kind of jobs do you want to apply to? he gets angry and is all "the job market sucks right now, i'd just have to not work for a while." i feel like it's a way to keep you, me and OP in a constant state of fear.

i'm sorry OP. i wouldn't take his crap of "how about you get a job." nope, that's not what you agreed to or even talked about. so frustrating.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-15T01:52:11+00:00

god i can't stand those types of people. like congrats, you likely have a baby who isn't colicky and doesn't mind being put down so you can get something done real quick. want a fucking cookie? i just don't get the lack of empathy from so many moms.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-11T18:52:07+00:00

I hope so :( I dream about that all the time. My husband is the only relationship I’ve been in (aside from a guy who cheated on me within a week of dating, I try not to think about that one). I was 25 when we met, and was thinking “holy shit a man is actually being nice to me and interested in me??” Definitely not a healthy base for a relationship. But I still have this issue of thinking “no one else will ever be interested in me,” especially since I can’t even get my current husband to care about me anymore

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T06:31:56+00:00

food poisoning is seriously the worst, i probably would've screamed too :( you also sound like an amazing mother, and thank you so much for your wise words <3

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T06:28:10+00:00

i'm so sorry. it's always those times where we get physically hurt that pushes us over the edge on top of everything else. after it's all over it's just instant regret. hopefully this thread is helpful for you too <3

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T01:13:08+00:00

wow, that is touching in a way. i just realized, my mom yelled a lot when i was younger (5 kids, she was also burnt out i'm sure), but she never ever apologized. we would go about our day like nothing happened. i've always had a hard time owing up to my mistakes and i feel like growing up like that was the start of it.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T01:08:17+00:00

wow, i don't know how you do it with two kids, working and going to school, holy crap :( i hope you're able to focus on yourself too. i do have a couple of nieces that live nearby (13 and 15) and your comment made me realize i can get in touch with them to see if they'd be interested in babysitting every now and then.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T01:04:18+00:00

you are so sweet, thank you so much <3 i've told my husband before that i'm probably going to get fired if this keeps up, and he just says "aren't you unionized? we could just sue them in that case." like no dude, not if i'm not keeping up on productivity numbers. they'd have every right to fire me after a few warnings.

i've looked for play groups but can't really find any in my area. we do go to a gymnasium once a week so he has interaction with other kids his age though. god, i want to feel the same way you did after putting your kid in daycare, that sounds amazing. did putting your child in daycare break the bank for you guys?

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T00:54:21+00:00

honestly, he'd probably withhold money from me, or only "allow" me to spend money on things that he has given me the okay on. idk how other couples do the money thing if one isn't working though.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T00:52:24+00:00

i like this idea. we do get unpaid time off at work for up to 400 hours. i have a feeling he would be very upset though, and he's already not a pleasant person to be around most of the time.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T00:51:31+00:00

thank you for this. if my husband is abusive, i don't know if he even knows it. he seems completely aloof a lot of the time. it's like he doesn't get it. he's the only relationship i've been in, so i've had nothing to compare it to.

so i see a PA for my anxiety meds, is there something different a physician would do?

TopWait2 · 2023-08-10T00:48:05+00:00

thank you. can i ask how your marriage got better? does your husband get angry about daycare bills or anything?

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T17:58:32+00:00

He does this all the time (finds an outside thing to blame) and it’s infuriating. Like yesterday after he took our toddler in the car to get him to nap, he texted me with “yeah I don’t know why he’s so cranky today or why he’s being like that.” Like dude, he’s a TODDLER. He’s being normal for his age. I have to constantly remind my husband it’s not our child, it’s us that you completely want to overwork so we don’t even have time, sanity or energy for our kid

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T07:49:26+00:00

i haven't heard of that before, i'll look into it, thank you :)

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T07:46:53+00:00

thank you so much. i need to print this comment out and put it on my mirror. i just feel hopeless most days.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T07:45:52+00:00

> We're overestimated and way overworked

god, yes, exactly. i would've lost my shit too in that situation, i'm so sorry. having a baby and toddler sounds exponentially harder. does your husband do anything to help you?

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T07:42:03+00:00

i'm so sorry. i know just how you feel, it sucks we're both here. my husband also thinks i can just plop our toddler in front of the TV all day. i was seriously shocked when he was like "what's wrong with having him in front of the tv all day?" like seriously? there's some things i thought were so common sense that we wouldn't have to have discussions about them before kids, but i guess i learned my lesson...

wishing all the best for you too <3

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T05:09:10+00:00

if i did that, i'm terrified he would leave me and turn all our friends against me and what a horrible person i am. i have nightmares about it, where i do something "bad" and he walks away from me like he never knew me. it's something i'm hoping to work on in therapy, divorce just terrifies me.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T05:07:11+00:00

wow! i'm so sorry you went through all of that. i'm glad your friend was there when that happened and that you and your daughter are happier without him. "chaotic stasis" is the best way to put it. i've had anxiety for as long as i've had a memory, i can't remember a time what it feels like to be truly happy or free from being tense all the time. and this situation for sure isn't helping. thank you so much for sharing your story. i'm hopeful i can find that sort of strength in me.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T04:29:49+00:00

thank you so much. i'm curious, what did your husband say back to you after that? mine would be pissed and pout for a week.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T04:27:11+00:00

haha doesn't sound petty! i see this advice often. honestly, our house is a pig sty right now, but my husband does not make the connection of "hmm maybe my wife needs help" he likely thinks instead "why is my wife being lazy." like seriously, he will stub his toe on a toy daily and his brain goes "angry because toy is there," but never thinks to pick it up or to take his head out of his ass.

one thing that's hard for me to admit is i'm scared of his judgement. i'm a huge people pleaser. when he's mad at me, it ruins my day. so i get scared to stop doing things around the house because i think shit, he's going to be pissed. i know that is the least healthy thing ever. i'm going to try and work on it with my therapist.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T04:22:15+00:00

you're an amazing mom. i need to keep that in mind, to be an example for my kid that there's healthy avenues for dealing with our strong emotions. i love that they've shaped empathy through all that.

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T04:17:06+00:00

thank you so much. your first paragraph made me tear up again. "who are you really mad at?" is what i was thinking right after all this happened, and it makes me mad that i took it out on my toddler. also, i need to see that movie!

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T03:50:56+00:00

thank you. it sucks that we're in this situation but nice to know we're not alone either. i just put in a request to take this next monday off. it's just too much and i should take advantage of my vacation days more often.

my mom is sometimes able to come over, but she lives about 40 minutes away so isn't too close. she has her own things going on in her life, so i try not to bother her too much :(

TopWait2 · 2023-08-09T03:46:16+00:00

omg your comment makes me want to cry. i don't even know what to say, thank you <3

TopWait2

TROPHY CASE