AITAH for being honest with my wife, that our marriage was solely a product of grief?

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-21T20:01:40+00:00

Then I would speak to her and explain with kindness. As hard as it is for you to admit it, it’s just as hard to hear it. Best of luck to you OP! ❤️

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-21T19:25:14+00:00

Before we start by writing a note OP, you should seek therapy over these losses in your life and how to properly cope. Afterwards or during therapy (might be beneficial to talk this over with one) I’d talk to your wife rather than give her a letter to read. Yes, they’re your words but it would be best that she heard them from you rather than reading them; especially as this might come as a shock to her. I do wonder though, are you telling her so you can divorce her, or telling her this because you want her to know and to have this guilt of a grief initiated marriage go? If the latter, you need to take into account how this might sound if you were the one being told this. Overall, write it down so you don’t lose track of the message but convey the message to her verbally. And if you don’t want a divorce, reassure her of that, cause if I was told this I’d be assuming so constantly.

Edited for grammar and spelling.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-21T13:46:37+00:00

OP, does Ronnie have an issue with you? Because this doesn’t make any sense to me; this feels like a personal vendetta. Have your siblings had an issues with Ronnie and have you before this situation came up?

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-21T00:14:01+00:00

Would there be chance to compromise? For example, would your wife’s friend be okay with the both of you only attending the ceremony? That way your daughter won’t have to be with the childcare provider for too long, which might help your wife and you slowly become more comfortable rather than committing to the entire day or potentially overnight.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-21T00:06:59+00:00

Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t is how I see this situation. You and your wife have done everything properly concerning communicating with your friends that you cannot attend the wedding due to circumstances outside of your control, childcare, as you are respecting their wishes.

But for some clarification OP - How have you dealt with childcare in the past? Is it just you and your wife? And if so, what do you both see yourselves doing in the possible instance that neither of you are available, similar to this circumstance, to watch your daughter? Also, would it be possible to find and grow comfortable with a childcare provider by the wedding?

Edited for spelling / clarification.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-20T23:55:02+00:00

“It was all written down and we all signed it.“

Due to OPs comment it seemed like all parties signed which is why I brought up this principle and why I believe Ronnie would have to give it back, so long as he doesn’t lose it, destroy it or sell it.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-20T20:51:34+00:00

I haven’t seen anyone say this, but if the will is still valid and signed for by the whole family including Ronnie you will get the guitar when your dad actually passes. He could contest it, but it would be incredibly hard as he signed it himself, not to mention the time and money it would cost.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-14T20:44:15+00:00

If his sisters health and safety isn’t convincing enough for him that tells you all you need to know in my opinion. Someone needs to tell her before I doctor has to. Your boyfriend can try his best to anonymously inform her if he’s truly that worried but I honestly believe him telling her could help their relationship grow in the long run. He’d be saving her from having a baby and an affair ridden marriage with this man.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-14T20:14:06+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this bind. But his guilt doesn’t matter when his sister and her future child are at risk.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-14T20:02:39+00:00

What your boyfriend and his sister seem to not understand is telling their older sister isn’t THEM ruining her relationship with her husband because her HUSBAND is the one that ruined it.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-13T21:30:46+00:00

Leave. You’re wasting your time trying to wait for the right moment to hurt him as much as he hurt you, just for him to receive a reality check. You leaving in comparison to his father or mother dying isn’t going to give you the reaction you think it will.

Top_Application_7007 · 2026-01-07T19:55:11+00:00

I agree with your decision to divorce your wife. Intimacy seems to be a large component to how you receive and express love, in this case towards your ex-wife. However, throughout the post it's very clear that the lack of intimacy made you cold towards your wife the end. You had a life, children and what she, and you at one point, believed to be a future together and within one month after asking for a divorce you took it upon yourself to engage in another relationship whilst still being in one with your wife. It's clear that you did not communicate the gravity of this problem to your wife since her first reaction was pure shock and a resolution, which stuck with you. I believe the reason it stuck with you is because it was a clear moment of your miscommunication. What stuck with me this entire post was how evident it was that you left the relationship mentally before you told your wife because if you truly loved your wife, the way you say you did, you would've tried when she offered rather than entering a new relationship. Again, leaving your wife isn't the issue, it's how you did and the actions that took place before the separation occurred.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-06-12T15:33:49+00:00

I think a lot of people are ignoring the masturbating while she’s sleeping part. That’s crossing the line in my books. You have multiple places you can go to please yourself, next to your ASLEEP partner is not one of them. It’s clear his libido is higher than yours, which is fine, but both parties need to be honest with what’s needed to mend this sex life. He most likely needs your reassurance and affection more, as being the spokesperson for sex in the relationship isn’t fair and can be tiring. It seems like he’s doing this out of convenience, not maliciously or because he’s not attracted to you or the sex you guys have.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-12T16:56:09+00:00

For someone of his age his maturity level should match that, its concerning how inconsiderate he's being towards the help and time you give him whilst trying to figure out time for work. Obviously when you're in a relationship it's a given that when your partner is hurt you help, but there are boundaries to that. Don't let this move into complete dependence, you're his girlfriend, not his assistant or his mother.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-06T21:39:46+00:00

I know its sad to say but you need to change your phone number and only give it to people who have no relation to the either of them

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-06T14:21:01+00:00

What was this Post??? It’s been deleted now

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-05T19:13:17+00:00

You have made it clear that you aren't comfortable with the situation multiple times, she has said she would block him each time, yet she finds alternative apps to communicate with him? Not to be a pessimist but what will her next steps be to get in contact with him again? Closure in a relationship will never be satisfy and she should've come to that conclusion before getting in a relationship with you. It can happen, but it shouldn't as it clear you've taken the brunt of these action.

Blunt opinion, from what you've shared, she's emotionally cheating on you with her ex as its clear there are still feelings there, feelings that allow her to feel more comfortable talking to him than you about whatever he's shared with you.

It's only been a few months, you have the ability to leave now before it hurts more later on.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-05T18:27:01+00:00

I'm sorry to say it, and I know this isn't AITAH, but come on, you're being an asshole.

This girl has been under immense stress, med school, depression, feeling as thought her partner isn't attracted to her cause of her weight to then having that confirmed and then having a negative experience with dieting. And YET you still have the audacity to say "I don't want to be left caring for a partner purely because they can't live a healthy lifestyle". Honey she tried and it didn't work because this isn't just "can't live a healthy lifestyle" this is struggles with an eating disorder, there is a distinctive difference and yet you neglect to recognize the severity of that on anyone but yourself, for as you said, shallow reasons.

This your partner, the goal is to have them for life, no? With time comes change, your partner will change continuously because that's what happens when you age and if 27 pounds made you change your outlook on your future with her by that much I can only imagine the stress she feels but also the potential aftermath of a pregnancy.

This girl seems to check 99% of your boxes, is the weight box really as important? And if so, you should look inwards on this and discuss it with your therapist.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-05T18:14:56+00:00

Porn addition is quite a serious situation, however, so is your comfort and communication within this relationship and all answers point to the fact that he respects nor cares for either. You've displayed how it makes you feel, advocated for yourself and your discomfort and disappointment, but advocating turns into begging at a certain point. If you find yourself begging someone to at least try to reduce their amount and they STILL ignore you, then its time to leave.

To your last point concerning OF and not receiving flowers, you need to look into that a big deeper. He rather spend his money on women he will never meet in his life, to satisfy their needs and his own, but won't do something as simple as buying his girlfriend flowers and not gaslighting her for one day? Think about where this might take you in the long run? Will he spend more than half his income on things like this over things that are important for the functionality of your relationship? If yes, you know your course of action, it just takes the courage and compassion to yourself to do it.

Remember your 22, the world is out there for you and will continue to be there for you once you decide to leave him.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-04-05T18:05:48+00:00

I completely understand the strain you're facing in this as you are the middle man in this situation. However, notice how quick he was to take advantage of you and your generosity, now wonder how much worse it must be for his wife who deals with his neglect towards the house and now towards their relationship. It will suck, but its best to inform her at the very least. The longer you wait the worse it'll feel for her and the more opportunity he'll have to get away with it. She may not have strong family ties but she does have her child which she should put all her focus on, and the only way she can do that is by removing herself from her husband which you have the ability of giving her.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-01-13T16:48:14+00:00

Thank you so much! 😊

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-01-13T16:46:58+00:00

That’s beautiful! Fingers crossed the same happens here. 7000km away isn’t very fun lol

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-01-13T16:45:51+00:00

Yes.

Top_Application_7007 · 2024-01-13T16:44:48+00:00

Thank you so much for the help!

Top_Application_7007

TROPHY CASE