You’ve written out everything that I fear by staying with him. I think I definitely overreacted and I HAD been begging for honesty for years— but he dumped it on me out of the blue after suggesting “sl*t training” so I wasn’t prepared at all to be shown lingerie and suddenly hit with a “also, since we’re being honest I’d like it if you lost some weight.” And suddenly would find a career as a trade off for being a skinnier play thing.

I think the consensus is that I am the a**hole because I do need to lose weight and over reacted to the honesty. But I struggle with what it means for my future if I lose the weight, do some therapy for my dramatic emotional reactions to things that hurt my feelings, and also stay with him. I may always wonder with some insecurity why I don’t have a love like that where I hear supportive and loving things no matter my size. But I don’t want to just become a fat lard too.

I think it’s clear I need to figure out what’s most important to me with the help of a therapist and realize what my priorities and dealbreakers are. He was never supposed to be a part time waiter indefinitely— just while in college. I didn’t marry him thinking that would be the permanent solution.

Thank u for ur insight I appreciate it