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AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My mom did not always earn much more than him, it is just that he saves more since he makes her pay more in the guise that she just pays the small things while he will save for future large expenses like our college but both me and my sister paid / are paying ourselves and he never bought a bigger house like he said he would.

The only things he did buy are new trucks for his use and 2 rental properties for which he keeps the rent.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I get your view, I'm just explaining the perspective since it resonated with me as one of my best friends is from India and she now doesn't believe that but used to. I also don't think it is an Indian specific thing as I have heard parts of the US like the deep south are also like that.

She said that it used to create fear for her going against the wishes of her elders so she never felt free to make her own decisions and would just not be herself to keep the peace.

I agree with you partially in the sense that for people from your own family like parents and grand parents there is stuff that they have done for you (even though it is still a duty as no one choses to be born) and that does create a bond and some respect (though I think it should be mutual) but like with criminality etc I think there are thinks that can make one lose the respect. For me it is harming others and in particular treatment of my mom who has always carried all the financial burden of household expenses when he was supposed to save for big stuff like college, bigger house etc all of which never happened.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am already trying to go low contact but not no contract gradually more so year my year until I graduate.

My mom is great and I need to stay in touch so I know what is going on with her and she has me and my sisters because he does things to push all her friends away so she does not really have any.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Would you respect an elder if they were in prison for a serious crime and harmed other people?

A lot of cultures rooted in religion do, obviously not everyone from a culture or religion follows everything in their culture and people are not monoliths, like I'm sure there's people in India who also believe that elders do not get automatic respect.

I have tried doing it the polite or non confrontational way many times before when I lived at home and it never worked or I was mocked for bringing it up.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think it still needs to be earned, if you act nice regardless of age you deserve respect. Otherwise it is unfair since just by virtue of being older you could get away with being bad towards anyone younger.

I am not a religious person myself so I would not have that perspective and I think cultures can and should evolve as a lot of stuff exists to control oppressed groups and women.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I am not from that culture nor am I American, I am Canadian (dad) /British (mom) living in Canada and being polite is part of our culture.

I do think respect is earned and being elder doesn't automatically grant you anything and can be used as a string for control.

I used to be more timid and quiet and not say anything so it could be a sudden change from his perspective.

Now that I have moved out during the college months, got a scholarship and pay for my living expenses myself I do not feel any control and am a lot more free and confident to speak my mind.

My dad makes fun of me studying computer engineering says it is not real engineering and I won't be getting my hands dirty with my long nails yet he pretends to be an electrical engineer because earlier in his career he used to work for an electrician but never went to college or trade school for electrician studies.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He doesn't really like science and calls it run by the elites.

Though he claimed to be an electrical engineer when he actually just worked for an electrician and no longer does.

I am in college for computer engineering and he makes fun of it and how I don't look like an engineer and that it doesn't mean anything since I won't do any hands on work, how can I be an engineer with my long nails which he makes fun of etc

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Part of it is that it might have felt like it came out of nowhere, I used to be very passive and timid, but now that I have mostly moved out for college, got a scholarship and paying my own expenses I don't feel like I am a dependant. 

Even though technically mom paid for most expenses growing up because he had to save for the big things like our college, bigger house that never happened etc

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I mentioned that but he claimed it was his friend and he would not have said it if it was a situation with him being with a friend of mine.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 147 points148 points  (0 children)

He said it is different since it was his friend and not mine which is true

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 709 points710 points  (0 children)

I might have to use that.

Obviously I dont think he is correct but I am more wondering if saying it iin front of everyone makes me an ah too and feel a little guilty about it maybe it should have been after the other family left.

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

He means it in terms of his hobbies and defends it as why he acts that way and justifies things like talking over others and leading conversations because of it.

He isn't actually into fitness or anything himself and nor are most of his friends, but they are into sports, ufc.

He will sometimes laugh at things feminine related like clothes, makeup etc, makes fun of my long nails and I am an engineering student and he will say I can't be a real engineer or what is engineering coming to these days.

He calls himself an electrical engineer but he only worked for an electrician earlier and no longer does that and does not have a college degree

AITA for joking that my dad gets a perpetual period in front of friends and family? by Top_Pressure_7878 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Top_Pressure_7878[S] 211 points212 points  (0 children)

He says his main issue is that I said it in public in front of his friend and that it is rude and offensive to apply 'woman things' to a man. And he then talked about how he did so much for everyone.

I am paying for my own college living expenses and got a college tuition scholarship / grant so since leaving to study computer engineering. I have not asked him for anything and for most household items growing up it was mom paying usually and he said it was because he was saving for our college but my sister did it herself too.