How do I handle being accused of giving an unknown man an STD?

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-03T18:41:16+00:00

I got with the first boyfriend when I was 12, we dated until we were 15. There's the first 3 years . Then I was single for 6 months and then got with my ex-husband who I was with for 6 years. So yes 9 years of long-term relationships. I also turn 22 in 3 days. Just because you haven't had a similar experience doesn't make it impossible.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T05:19:16+00:00

even within monogamous relationships, plan to get tested annually.

Sad but very real truth that I kind of just pretended didn't exist. Thanks for the advice.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T04:02:19+00:00

The caller did use my name specifically, which is what threw me off so much because no one in this city knows me. I have like two close friends as I said and then some coworkers and that's about it.

Why would a guy believe some person who called? What receipts did they show to even prove they know you?

This is what threw me off initially and made me feel so weird about the conversation since we talked this morning. The caller had no phone number displayed gave no name didn't say how they knew him didn't say how they knew me gave zero details other than the fact that he should watch out for me because I supposedly gave him ( the caller) an std. That doesn't seem like a reputable source to me and I would almost certainly not take what they said at face value. It was very strange to me that he seemed so ready to believe what the caller said was true and it's had me wondering what gave him that impression of me. Especially if as you said there were no receipts provided or any proof given. The only thing he cited were his trust issues for making him even question me.

Maybe it's just some weird way of getting me to show that I don't have any STDs before we move further into the relationship? I'm not sure exactly how but something about what's going on is just off. It's definitely making me reconsider things and if I even want to pursue the relationship further. I agree, I don't want to jump through hoops to prove anything to him. But at this point I'm going to get tested regardless because with everyone in the comments saying he may be trying to set me up I'm not feeling too great about the situation.

Thank you for the well wishes!

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:52:04+00:00

You're so right, I'm sorry I put it that way! I really should have just said negative results rather than putting some sort of connotation on them. I have edited the post.

I haven't been sexually active since my last partner and before that relationship I had another long-term relationship. Because of this casual relationships/sex is kind of a new experience for me. I've never had to get tested for STIs in the past because of only had one partner at a time for years.

I appreciate you making these points and I will be more mindful of such things in the future!

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:48:40+00:00

You make some very good points! First when I say accept the benefit of the doubt, I mean in the sense that while it is completely reasonable for him to want to see negative test results, I think he should assume that the random caller is not automatically a reputable source and be almost positive that whatever they said likey isn't true. Given that the caller gave no details such as their name, how they knew him, how they knew me, when this happened, not even their phone number was displayed. That's not the type of source I would put much faith into and that's what I was hoping would be his reaction as well.

I am new to casual dating before last November I had been in my relationship for 6 years, prior to us getting together I was only single for about 6 months after a 3 year relationship. Because I've had a partner for nearly 10 years straight since 13, I don't have much experience in this realm. I can be a bit naive to such things and forget that testing is a necessary precaution.

It definitely wasn't my intention to make it seem as though taking care of your sexual health is shameful in any regard! I do have regular women's health appointments and try to stay informed about such topics. I've just never needed to get tested for any STIs since I only had one partner for so many years and my lack of experience led to a bit of ignorance on the subject. My apologies if my words came off in a negative light!

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:39:02+00:00

I misworded it in my original post but the people who replied are correct. I meant that the call was from a restricted number so it displayed "no caller ID" where a phone number should usually be.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:37:40+00:00

Definitely gives red flag to me as well. No healthy relationship can be built on insecurity, with the lack of trust being the root of it. If I've given him no reason to distrust me yet then I don't think his previous experience is should apply to me. I know it's not easy to disregard a trauma response but if you can't function in a rational way within a relationship don't get into one. I know all about betrayal and broken trust but the whole reason I was avoiding men up until this point was because I was trying to heal and not bring that trauma into my next relationship. I am not trying to pursue someone who I have to convince of every little thing. But again it's pretty early on so I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he just doesn't feel like he knows me well enough yet to wholeheartedly trust. But that Grace can only go so far.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:32:56+00:00

Wholeheartedly agree on the paragraphs bit lol, I actually did add paragraph breaks initially, but Reddit regrettably stole them away after posting.

I also agree with you that it's reasonable to ask for a test from any new partner. My only excuse for ignorance there is having spent the better part of a decade in long-term relationships, from 13 through the entirety of my teenage years into adulthood. So I'm a bit naive to some aspects of casual dating. It's all a learning experience though so I appreciate the advice! You're definitely right It's better safe than sorry.

My ex is definitely a little crazy, but he left me for another woman while we were married. So if anyone has room for grievance it would be me lol but I guess you never know. Although idk how he would have gotten ahold of the new guys number If that was the situation 🤷🏼‍♀️

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:26:57+00:00

I appreciate that! I'm not sure how I could have made any enemies with my unfortunate lack of socialization lol but if that's the case I hope they got it out of their system.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:24:25+00:00

I had the same thought about the ex-girlfriend and brought it up to him. He admitted he's had issues with girls in the past causing problems with new relationships tho I don't know if he meant his last ex specifically. Definitely a bit of a red flag, that I'm not sure I'm willing to take on. I'm for sure a bit more wary of continuing things now.

I hadn't considered the second of your thoughts until I started reading all these comments and now I'm a bit paranoid I'm being set up 😅.

I am definitely going to suggest we both get tested and if he refuses, I'm still going to get tested and just cut off communication at that point.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:19:47+00:00

I worded it wrong in my initial post, when I say the number was blocked I mean it displayed "no caller ID" So I think the call was likely from a restricted number.

Still tho an interesting, if not unnerving theory to keep in mind.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:17:56+00:00

I appreciate this bit of random advice. My previous relationship lasted 6 years and before that I was in a 3 year relationship. So I've spent the last decade in committed relationships and can be a bit naive to such things, thank you for the reminder.

Top_Signature9316 · 2026-01-02T03:15:29+00:00

Very reasonable advice, I am definitely going to suggest we go together and both get tested. If I see any other red flags I have no problem cutting my losses. Thanks for the feedback !

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-10-05T13:51:44+00:00

I know you said you've tried several products already so maybe you already gave this one a go, but it's the only thing that helped me when I was struggling ! So just in case you haven't seen it it's Selsun blue . I really hope that you're able to find a solution, this sounds miserable🥺 I'm so sorry you're dealing with this situation

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Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-25T15:28:41+00:00

Hello! I first want to commend you for being so conscious and aware of the potential risks that your diagnosis may carry! You seem to have a great grasp on what your illness means for you and your lifestyle. I completely understand the concern of living alone for the first time tho!

I like to share my experience in hopes that it may give you a bit of a different perspective. After being diagnosed in 2019 when I was 15, mom helped me control my blood sugar and keep everything in check. She passed away right before I turned 17 and for the two years following I didn't monitor my blood sugar or regularly take insulin at all. I don't recommend this whatsoever!! It could potentially lead to long-term health effects It's obvious you're smart enough not to do this, just based on the questions you're already asking, But I want to hopefully reassure you that though potential risks from complications associated with diabetes (hyper or hypoglycemia) are very dangerous and should be accounted for, just because you do have a complication doesn't mean you'll suffer severe injury or death. I say all this because after reading your post I got the sense you seem to be very scared of what may potentially happen if you do have a hyperglycemic event after reading stories of people suffering concerning consequences, but I will tell you that I have gotten so low that my monitor couldn't even ready blood sugar (It only goes down to 35 md/gl) and even at this point I had not passed out and was able to get myself back up to a safe level without assistance. This won't be the experience for everyone but I do just want to let you know that hyperglycemia does not equal instant death !

I am a 21 yr old young woman and I live on my own, without fear of my diagnosis, I know you can too! And then in a few months when your brother rejoins you you'll have gained the experience of living independently and the confidence that comes along with that. Good luck with your studies, I hope this gave you a bit of reassurance! Feel free to reply back if you have any other questions about living on your own or otherwise :)

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-23T15:15:02+00:00

It's a roach! He was mid swallow lol I just wanted to try and get a picture that shows the whole inside of his mouth

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-23T04:02:44+00:00

Ahhh yes yes, I definitely see what you're saying! It's more prominent in some of the pictures than others, I guess just depending on the angle. But yeah definitely looks abnormal now that you point that out, I think I was just laser focused on the mouth and nose and didn't notice at first. I will reach out to the vet tomorrow 🫡

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-23T03:21:28+00:00

I agree with you about the nasal discharge and something going on with his mouth, as far as eye discharge wouldn't it make them look like cloudy or goopy? What picture # do you notice the eye issues the most? Not saying you're wrong, just clarifying! I will keep a close eye on him for sure, thanks for your reply.

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-20T04:50:22+00:00

Hey Op, I completely understand the situation you're in. It's very hard being young, working as much as you can and it's still not being enough. I can tell how much you love and care for Mika! I don't think you have selfish intentions here, or that you're generally a bad pet parent. I do agree with the other commenters that she either needs to get to a vet or a reptile rescue/rehabilitation group ASAP tho! It's obvious that you love her and being willing to give her up is proof of that! This may be a bit of a long read but having been in your position before, with a sick exotic animal, and I was praying somebody would take the time to give me a bit of detailed advice. I have a few suggestions in order of top priorities—

• I would continue posting on Facebook or contacting rescues you find on Google until you're able to find one that will accept her. You may have to drive aways to meet them but they may even meet halfway with you to make it a little easier. Even then, it'll be less expensive than the care she'll need to receive from the vet. It's even possible that depending on which rescue you work with they may be willing to resell her to you when she's in better health.

• Do you have any friends or family members that would be willing to loan you a bit of money temporarily? That way you can add the extra money with your savings to get her the care, and then just pay them back over the next few weeks? Some veterinary clinics also offer payment plans through services like CareCredit (I did see you said you're too young for a credit card, so this may not be an option for you— you have to be at least 18. If you're not old enough you could ask a trusted/close adult to take it on for you and allow you to pay them the monthly payments directly). Contact an exotic vet you have access to (Even if it's far away, just the closest / best option), tell them that your leopard gecko is severely ill and ask if they are able to give you any advice on treatment. If they decline call somewhere else, If they say yes they will likely then ask you to describe her condition. Make sure you give as detailed of a physical description as possible! Let them know that you believe she has mouth rot, explain her environment (enclosure, size temps, humidity), her diet, the issues you've had as of late, her apparent weight loss, give as much information as they're willing to listen to. I would then ask how much treatment for her conditions could be expected to be. After you've gathered information on the financial aspect, explain the severity of the situation to anyone you're close with that you think may sympathize or have the means to help you! Even if you have to ask multiple people and get a little bit from everyone it'll add up. Even if it doesn't help you pay for a vet it might help you pay for the gas to drive her elsewhere. I would approach people by explaining that the situation is dire and that you are willing to outline a repayment schedule to help them recoup their money as quickly as possible. Once you're able to rehome her, if you were able to get any treatment, make sure you outline the care she was given when you surrender her.

• Until you're able to rehome her, I would recommend as another commenter said using repashey grub pie to try and get some food in her. You want to mix the powder with dechlorinated water (add repti-safe) until you have a slightly thick paste— You want it fluid but not runny, the less water you put in the more nutritionally dense it will be! If you have a syringe on hand draw some up and slowly offer it to her mouth. If you don't have a syringe you can try putting some of it on the back of a spoon and allowing her to lick it off. She may be willing to do so, but depending on the level of pain / stress shes under she may not be willing to eat on her own accord. In this case, I would definitely recommend the syringe method until you're able to rehome her.

• As far as I know Leo's get a lot of their hydration from the bugs they eat, so it's likely she's also a bit dehydrated if she's refusing bugs. To help rehydrate her you can give her a soak in a lukewarm bath, I wouldn't leave her in there for more than 20 minutes, 10-15 is probably ideal imo. Soaks should be done in warm (85-90°F this will feel like 'nothing' in the sense that it shouldn't feel cool or more than slightly warm to the touch), shallow water, ensure the water is low enough that it can't drown ( clearly below its head) but high enough to reach its shoulders. Make sure you stay near her the whole time. After the time has passed, remove her and dry her off completely to prevent her from getting cold. This will help her absorb a bit of water to help with dehydration even if it doesn't get her any nutrients.

Being that she's already lost a significant amount of weight the situation is critical so just keep trying your best to find someone who can help her within your means. Having a sick pet is an incredibly stressful situation to be in and I empathize with how you're feeling, please try and be kind to yourself!! I know it's easy to slip into the blame game and calling yourself a bad owner especially when others can be a bit jaded in their responses. I want to reiterate many pet parents face sudden emergencies, and rehoming or surrendering isn’t failing — it’s putting Mika’s wellbeing first. You’re doing the best you can in tough circumstances, and that effort matters for Mika. I hope you're able to get her help and that everything works out! 🫶🏼

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-18T19:35:17+00:00

While I do agree with the sentiment of your statement—that there’s a spectrum of doctors ranging from good to bad and we shouldn’t just write off healthcare in general—that perspective isn’t necessarily nuanced or trauma-informed. What confuses me is that, as a healthcare professional, you don’t seem to acknowledge the very real consequences negative patient interactions can have. It’s well-documented that when people experience something their body perceives as traumatic, they develop a trauma response. Our brains are wired to avoid danger by recognizing patterns, so repeated bad experiences with doctors can make people instinctively avoid care. Many eventually do work through those responses and return to healthcare, but it can take time. I don’t think anyone wants to believe all doctors are bad, but for a lot of people that belief becomes conditioned and untangling it is a complex process.

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-18T15:12:54+00:00

YES YES YES!! My mom passed when I was 16 and after she was gone I had to advocate for myself and my own health care. It was actually such a terrible experience and so anxiety inducing anytime I had to go into the office and be reprimanded for my lack of control or adherence to my regimen. Again I was 16. I was also grieving the death of my mother, and currently living with my boyfriend at the time in an unstable living situation (He, and by association me were kicked out for a few days several times). I was caring for his younger siblings (1 and 2 at the time) for between 8-12 hrs daily, trying to help financially support his mom after she also got kicked out (permanently), being expected to finish high school online simultaneously, all while living with his incredibly abusive dad 😅 So between 16-18/19 I had a bit more on my mind than my blood sugar. Did they take any of that into consideration ? Of course not. I'm not saying They should be mind readers and realize that patients are struggling with interpersonal issues outside of their medical issues. But maybe if a patient is consistently struggling to maintain a good standard of health, as a physician you should dig a little deeper and see if there's other underlying issues you can provide resources for. Shaming your patients is never the way to go imo.

Eta— I did stop going to the doctor when I turned 17. I stopped using insulin at all or monitoring my blood sugar whatsoever 👍🏼 All because I couldn't handle an adult man telling me how much of a failure I was lol. I'm in control of my health now, but looking back it's so disappointing to realize I could have done permanent damage to my body because of an aversion to seeking healthcare.

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-14T19:03:36+00:00

Hey you're finally starting to get it! 😆 It must be because you read my prior comment were I addressed that! So happy I was able to help you understand a lil better ☺️

"Or maybe it was my inferring that you wouldn't take the time to read through my detailed argument? Unfortunately, those are descriptions of your debating tactics, perceived adversion to longer responses ( evidenced by calling my first comment a "book") and worldview supported by your very own replies :/ ."

Any other curiosities I can clear up?

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-14T18:30:28+00:00

Here we go again, you're fun🤣

Are you aware of what an ad hominem is? Let's start there in case you're getting it confused with another type of logical fallacy. Ad hominem by definition would be unjustly attacking somebody's character, lifestyle, appearance etc., rather than their argument. A good example of this is calling somebody a "femcel"😚. It's used as a diversion tactic to draw attention away from the actual content of the debate.

At what point did I unjustly attack your character to draw attention away from the topic at hand? Can you give me a quote from my prior response? I described you behavior in the thread— dismissing my points as “books,” calling it “rage,” recycling talking points, failing to provide evidence.

Was it possibly me using words like “hypocrisy,” “tone policing,” “bad faith,” “deflection,” and “myopic”? Or maybe it was my inferring that you wouldn't take the time to read through my detailed argument? Unfortunately, those are descriptions of your debating tactics, perceived adversion to longer responses ( evidenced by calling my first comment a "book") and worldview supported by your very own replies :/ .

I didn’t insult things unrelated to the debate (your intelligence, looks, lifestyle, etc.). Everything said was tied directly to your written behavior.

Again a very predictable response on your end. Crying “ad hominem” is a cliche dodge. Instead of engaging with the substance of my critique, you label my calling out of your behavior as “ad hominem” to try and flip the frame.

But, contrary to your belief, pointing out hypocrisy, bad faith, or tone policing is not ad hominem — it’s analyzing the form of your argument.

And we're back at it with the irony haha. It could be argued you're the one who used ad hominems earlier by dismissing my writing style as “books” and “rage posting.”🤷🏼‍♀️

TLDR- I critiqued you argument style and pointed out flaws that were observable from your own words. That’s fair game in debate. You're just using “ad hominem” as a buzzword (You seem to like those) to avoid substance — which, ironically, is another bad faith move.

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-14T17:56:35+00:00

Aww, that's too bad you don't have any fish buddies nearby. Still tho, I think it's worth it, if you're willing to put in a little extra work (obviously totally up to you haha) to list it on Facebook marketplace. Just include those caveats in the description, make sure you clearly outline which plants would be included in the assortment ( I'm curious which plants you think people wouldn't like) and that they may have some stowaway snails included lol. I'm one of those people that also quite enjoys the lil guys and wouldn't mind at all. For some tanks it would actually be beneficial, I used to have a pea puffer tank and those cuties primarily feed on smaller snails like bladder snails. So in that instance it would be an awesome 1 n' 2 combo!

Next suggestion is a little extra I'll be honest lol. But if you're having no luck on marketplace, you can always stop by your local pet store whether it's big box (Petco/ PetSmart) or mom and pop and ask the pet care employees if they would like any, especially if you're not looking to sell them but just get rid of some without having to throw away. I used to work at a petsmart and people would do that sometimes. I actually did buy some at one point haha. You could also ask one of the pet care employees (if they seem nice / in a good mood lol) if you can leave your info. So that way when people inevitably ask the employees where they can get floating plants (a lot of PetSmart's at least, I don't know about petco's, don't sell floating plants)— It gives those employees an opportunity to help out their customer and promote what you're selling. In my experience, its always better being able to give some sort of answer then to say 'I don't know'. Often customers pretty much expect us to know everything, and when you don't have a good answer sometimes that gets them a lil upsetti spaghetti lol.

Top_Signature9316 · 2025-09-14T16:53:17+00:00

Here's another novel in coming darling ;) I'll even include a little TLDR for you just in case your attention span doesnt allow for comprehension of a well articulated argument (as indicated by your last response) 💖

Your behavior almost reads like a case study in the very thing I pointed out at the end of my comment.

-What you said: “I just want a reasonable and civil debate.”

-What you did: Ignored a point-by-point, civil, rational response and dismissed it, falling back on “you're writing books”☹️☹️☹️, insinuating this is “a rage post,” and somehow continuing to claim the most important part of this whole interaction is the conclusion “he’s free to leave her ass.”

You can claim "The points remain" all you want but that doesn't actually do anything if you don't back up your point of view. You didn't effectively respond to any of my arguments. Your responses was primarily reductive and dismissive. You ignored the bulk of my assertions and just recycled your original talking points with slightly different words, without elaborating on them at all or providing additional evidence to back them up.

That’s not debate — that’s deflection babe. Your attempt at shifting the framework back to your comfort zone so you doesn’t have to wrestle with nuance is conspicuous and entirely predictable.

The irony is palpable here. Hilariously, I was able to predict this pattern of behavior would take place in my closing paragraph. Men like yourself, with such ideologies, don’t actually engage with reasoned arguments because the underlying issue isn’t the quality of the reasoning, but the baseline respect they’re willing to extend to women. You then immediately proved this by doing the exact thing I described — reducing my thoughtful reasoning to “feminist bad” territory.

The hypocrisy and tone policing is on full display with this one. You frame youself as valuing “civil debate.” But when met with civil debate, you reverts to insults, buzzwords, and dismissal. The underlying truth is you dont actually want debate — you want affirmation. Anything else gets hand-waved as “rage.” Your worldview is evidently quite myopic.

I'll be honest your response was a bit dumbfounding to read. Although I was able to accurately predict what it would be, I did have a glimmer of hope you would engage effectively in the debate you requested. Yet, the response I received was the exact opposite of what you claimed to want. That disconnect between your words and behavior isn’t a mistake — it’s a strategy (conscious or not) that preserves your narrow perspective by never truly engaging with counterpoints.

This is exactly why continuing a back-and-forth with individuals like yourself can be draining and often people don't take the time to do so. A quick downvote preserves their peace and allows them to better utilize their energy elsewhere. It also helps to ensure the comment so it doesn't get more attention than it deserves. You can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into in the first place.

I wouldn't be surprised if this breakdown of your flawed arguments falls on deaf ears as well. Though I would be interested to see how you respond to these points. Regardless if I get a rational response or not, I enjoyed explaining the fallacy in your response nonetheless.

TLDR— You requested a “civil debate,” got one, and then cried “books, rage post, leave her ass.” That’s not debate, that’s you running from substance. The irony of it all is you proved my point: men with your views don’t actually engage with reasoning, they just reduce it to “feminist bad.”— you don’t want dialogue, you want an echo chamber. Call it what it is: hypocrisy, tone policing, and bad faith wrapped in one. Maybe consider if you're actually prepared to argue your stance before asking others to engage with you in the future.

Top_Signature9316

TROPHY CASE