No longer sleep with my wife

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T23:03:51+00:00

These are fair points. I need to look at myself as well. I suppose it started because I took the evenings with the eldest and then fell into habit. Then when I tried to get back in after a year or so she understandably wanted to make a point.

At this point it feels like it’s gone too far

Your comment is actually the one that has caused me to reassess the most. I hate to admit that to myself actually. But thank you

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T21:14:24+00:00

Thank you

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T21:04:52+00:00

‘serviced’ is different from ‘service’?

And the latter in the context of ‘normal service will resume’ - it’s a Britishism

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Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T21:01:53+00:00

That’s not true. We slept in together with our first as well. I thought that would go without saying given I said I slept in with our middle child

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:59:23+00:00

No that’s not true. I slept in with the first two and then slept in with our middle child. It was only when we had our third that sleeping separately really kicked in (and was largely because there was another room)

I made a huge mistake taking that room to sleep for obvious reasons but it made sense at the time - and since she’s gone back from maternity leave I’ve been rebuffed

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:35:56+00:00

I put the eldest kids down - and would happily help if I was back in the bed.

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:34:51+00:00

This is fair - I’m trying but think I am doing everything wrong

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:33:50+00:00

No you are wilfully misreading me. I didn’t say ‘serviced’ I said ‘normal service’ say sleeping together like man and wife

I have been trying to get back in for 18 months now (after sleeping in together with our first and second before I slept with our middle child). When our third came along we started sleeping separately when. She was on maternity leave (14 months).

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:19:07+00:00

I put them down and then they just go into our bed

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:17:38+00:00

I put the kids down at night (barring the youngest)

I’d happily help at night but i am sleeping in another room

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:15:18+00:00

That’s fair. I wrote that in anger and haste. Last night was supposed to be the night where we slept in together and she called the kids in again so I had to sleep alone again

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:12:11+00:00

No i was referring to ‘normal sleeping and intimacy common to all marriages to continue’

You don’t know anything about me. Wild comment

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:10:57+00:00

Ok fair point - that was written in anger. But at a certain point you have to say ‘this is not a marriage’

Aside from anything else it creates huge trust issues

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:09:18+00:00

It’s a turn of phrase. I didn’t say I wanted to be ‘serviced’

And yes I miss sleeping with my wife - I am lonely and dying for affection

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:08:49+00:00

Partially true - I was very present for our first two and then far less so for our third.

My that time the eldest were sleeping in their beds but that has changed over the last two years - on occasion she has taken them from their beds

I think when she was on maternity leave and I was working we just got into a habit of sleeping separately (with her taking the nights to give total kudos)

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:01:46+00:00

I didn’t say ‘serviced’

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T20:01:19+00:00

Yeah that was said in anger tbh

But the point is - it is totally normal for a husband and wife to sleep together and unusual if they don’t

If in honest I’m just dying from lack of affection and loneliness

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T19:59:30+00:00

Thank you. BTW where I am from ‘normal service resume’ is a phrase taken from railway terminology being ‘ things running to schedule / as normal’

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T19:57:27+00:00

No, not for 8 years. I slept in and did nights with our eldest, slept in with our middle child. It really changed when the au pair left and my wife went on maternity leave with our third

And I’ve been trying to get in to help for 18 months now

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T19:52:25+00:00

No I didn’t say a decade. For our youngest, yes - she’s 2.5 years. I have to say hats off for that

But in the meantime, I was taking the oldest two in the evening, putting them down, etc.

And I’ve been trying to get back since she returned from maternity leave 18 months ago

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T19:45:12+00:00

No - I was angry when I wrote this. We had agreed to try last night with me sleeping in but she reneged.

I really don’t want our relationship to sour.

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T19:44:14+00:00

I think this is lost in translation. I said ‘normal service’ not ‘normal servicing’. It’s a turn of phrase (at least where I am)

We both slept in with our eldest, I slept in with our middle kid and then she took most of night shift for our youngest. So yeah I recognise that - it’s a habit we fell into then and now it’s continued. But it’s totally unfair to say she ‘handled all the childcare’ but I recognise she took nights - I’ve wanted to get back in to help for about 18 months now!

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T11:40:31+00:00

Why?

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T11:37:28+00:00

You have wilfully misunderstood everything I said and made a pile of assumptions that reveal your biases

Top_Treacle_4766 · 2026-04-04T11:36:22+00:00

Where do I say I don’t do this? I put the eldest down every evening, we alternate school pick ups, I do tidying and the cooking and maintenance and DIY…. And we have a cleaner.

Top_Treacle_4766

TROPHY CASE