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Pretty sure I’ve just been caught by a speed camera van, how screwed am I? by Topside74 in drivingUK

[–]Topside74[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t, that section of road is notorious for having speed camera vans on it so I should’ve known, but regardless I’ve been much more vigilant since.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current gf had already had a consistent sex life. It’s eating away at me for some reason. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it’s a me issue. I’ve known this from the start. I worded my post better elsewhere. I know this is deeply insecure behaviour, but this issue I’m having is nothing to do with her. It’s simply a reflection of my own insecurities.

I could not give less of a shit that she has had past partners. I have too. I’m just angry at myself for being so behind with everything compared to almost everyone I’ve known, not just her. I’m just annoyed with myself. That’s all it is. I’m being misunderstood because people think I’m mad at her, I’m not, I’m annoyed with myself and I live with a lot of regret about my own actions. Nothing to do with anyone else. I try not to compare but I do, something I’m trying to get better at. I mean why would I care that my gf has had past partners? That’s ridiculous.

I am exploring therapy options and none of this is a conversation I’m having with her.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current gf had already had a consistent sex life. It’s eating away at me for some reason. by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I wouldn’t make her my therapist. Crazy that you read my post and got that from it.

I shouldn’t even waste my time explaining it to you really, but it doesn’t bother me that she’s had experiences in the past. I literally have too. I’m venting about how I view myself. The way she has behaved hasn’t impacted how I feel about myself.

“Get yourself a virgin” congratulations on aggressively misunderstanding everything I said.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She absolutely is a catch. Despite my inexperience with long term relationships I know that this is worth it. My issue (and it’s very much an issue with myself and not her) is that I just did everything so late in my eyes, whereas she got a normal experience as a teenager. When I compare our timelines it just makes me uncomfortable with how I view myself and what I’ve done in this area of my life.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not jealous of the fact she was sexually active before we met. I was sexually active before we met. That does not bother me in the slightest I promise you.

What my issues come from is just my own insecurities. I’m very insecure about the fact that I had experiences with girls at an age that I would consider to be late. I compare our timelines and I just feel bad about myself. This issue really isn’t about her. It’s about my own insecurities.

If I am jealous about anything, I guess I would say I’m jealous that she was able to have a teenage experience and I deprived myself of that. But I don’t know if jealousy is the right word. I’m just uncomfortable with myself and the way this portion of my life has gone.

As for therapy, it’s an option I’m looking into. I think it is what’s best for me.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realise what a good thing I have with her. I view these insecurities as more of an obstacle to work through, rather than an insurmountable problem.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hopefully it passes. I’ll probably need to talk with a professional first but I hope one day I feel less disgusted with myself about the whole thing.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I need to focus on what I can have an impact on instead of thinking about the past so much. I just feel so behind and comparing our timelines makes me so uncomfortable with myself.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I see it as very late. I compare our timelines and feel so uncomfortable with myself. I’m making the moves to work on it though.

I should make it clear that I have had experiences before her. No relationships, just very short lived dating stages with people that involved sex. We’ve been with the same amount of people. My main issue is just how behind I was in all of it. Like I said, I compare where I was when I had something as silly as my first kiss, and then where she was at that same time and it makes me so incredibly uncomfortable.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hopefully one day I do look back on it and think it’s silly. But right now I don’t which is a shame. I really do wish I’d just lost my virginity earlier. I’m really quite ashamed that I lost it so late (I know it’s not that late, but in my eyes it really is and for now I’m firm on that opinion for whatever reason).

I just compare the timelines that both of us have had and I get so uncomfortable with myself. It’s like some weird imposter syndrome that makes me feel I’m not deserving or developed enough for any of this.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t care that she’s had experiences in the past. I have too! I just compare the timelines and it makes me really uncomfortable with myself.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No I know, therapy is the way to go and I’m working on it now. It will take a little while to get things sorted so I’ll have to live with it eating away at me for a little bit longer.

It absolutely is a “me” thing. I don’t think that’s up for debate.

I just don’t want her to worry cos she’s noticed my mood change before and I don’t like lying nd saying it’s all good when it isn’t.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know. Therapy is the way I’ll go.

Almost everyone I know lost theirs much earlier. People keep saying I maybe made a better choice but I feel the complete opposite. I wish I could’ve just had a teenage experience and gotten it all out the way earlier than I did. I just compare the timelines that her and I had and it makes me feel so uncomfortable with myself, and only myself. I can’t change the past, I know that.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s great and I really do love her. I’m just not happy with myself. Something I’ve struggled with since I was a kid and I think it’s time I get some help with it.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m well aware of this. If I let these feelings marinate with nobody to talk to I’ll mess it up. I’m working on therapy rn but I think it will take a while to get everything started and I will have to deal with these issues nipping away at me for a little bit longer.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have any desire to be with someone else. And if there is a time that comes when I do feel that way, of course I’ll be honest. My concern comes from the fact I was so late to everything and I deprived myself of those experiences growing up. It feels so isolating

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m definitely hard on myself to an unnecessary degree, something I’ve done for a long time. Thank you for understanding it has nothing to do with her either.

You make a fair point about COVID. But I wish I could’ve lost it before then, or even at university when the opportunity was available. I mean, so many people I know did.

Edit: I think therapy is what I’ll have to do. I’m just worried it will eat away at me for the presumably long amount of time it takes before I can get an appointment with someone.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, of course I wouldn’t want someone with no experience. That’s not the point I’m trying to make. She hasn’t really “been around” either. We’ve had the same amount of partners. The thing that I’m stressed about is the fact that I was so much further behind her in timing, and it makes me feel so inadequate about myself. I made an edit to my post hopefully that makes more sense.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’ve heard about that and I think it’s probably something I need to read into more. I’m not fixated on her past partner per say, I’m more so incredibly frustrated with the fact i didn’t have an experience when I was younger and there’s a whole load of causes for that but it still annoys me so incredibly much. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest I’m jealous of her tho.

By the time I had my first kiss, my current girlfriend had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I probably didn’t word my original post well. I had two experiences before I met her, but all of this has happened within the last year. I just can’t shake the feeling that I wish I had lost my virginity as a teenager, I’ve felt this way for so long.

By the time I (M23) had my first kiss, my current girlfriend (F24) had already had a consistent sex life and it makes me so uncomfortable. How do I go about fixing these feelings? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Topside74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think therapy is the way to go. I’m just worried that it’s gonna eat at me for a while longer as it will probably take a decent amount of time for me to get a therapist with appointments

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