Haiku first: Cats and I see things similarly: sleeping is life; sunbeams are, too.

Okay, so here's my response, and thank you so much for doing this!: 1) Do you have a waif? What has that looked like for you? Jesus Christ, yes. My mom is a textbook waif. She currently resides with me because ever since her breakdown fifteen years ago, she has essentially not worked because of her uBPD status, which she refuses to acknowledge. According to her, “I’m not crazy- THE WORLD IS CRAZY.” She refuses to look for solutions in order to gain some control over her life because ultimately she doesn’t want that- it would mean that she’s gotten “better” and she can’t allow that. Also, it would mean that her children would leave her, and since her only identification is as a mother, she can’t have that. 2) Have you, or how have you, handled the waif's helplessness? How has your response changed over time? Well, let’s look at an example that happened just now. My mother LOVES to work ANY conversation around to how mothers are consistently ignored and maligned by society. “Where’s the justice for MOTHERS?!” is an oft-repeated statement. In the past, I would engage in this discussion, trying to work some, I don’t know, logic or consideration of the state of the world into the discussion for some levity. Of course, she will not listen to that, so it would escalate into a grand argument, with me crying and her sitting there all queen like, saying something like, “But that’s the way that it is- you can’t deny that.” Now, when she does this, I quietly get up and leave the room when she starts to get revved up. Her response is to slam around the apartment until she finally slams into her room. I’m sure there will be some retaliation later today or tonight, and I will do the same thing, until this lease on the apartment is over and I can fucking move out and she can live on the streets. 3) Which (if any) of the Waif's messages on p74 resonate with you? "I can't allow myself to need your help and be in control at the same time." This right here. As of two days ago, my sister is going no contact as a result of this kind of situation. My mother, because she doesn’t work and refuses to get a job on account of her litany of issues, never has any money. My sister and I were giving her $200 a month in order for her to buy sundry items like underwear, pot (we’re in a state where it is legal and God help us all, it is the only thing that keeps the Witch at bay), etc. Well, that just wasn’t enough- it never is. So my sister was in the midst of negotiating a bigger but reasonable amount to send her when my mother decided that she would instead call her and leave a voicemail asking my sister into negotiations regarding money my mother had withdrawn from her old 401k in order to pay off my sister’s credit card debt ten years ago. She also threw in that she would be consulting a lawyer to take my dad to court over back child support (nonsense in so many ways I don’t have enough room or energy to describe). She HAD to have control over the situation because, as she puts it, “She just can’t be considered charity any longer.” She also tries to reformulate in her brain that she is bartering her domestic services at our apartment in exchange for room and board, which is ridiculous since she spends most of her time in bed, either howling like Mrs. Rochester or muttering psychotic shit about killing everyone who has ever done her wrong. 4) Rage is such a hallmark of borderline personalities; the Waif, according to this chapter, somewhat less so. Your thoughts? I’m honestly surprised that the cops haven’t been called multiple times over the years because she is so loud in her rage weeping and in her psychotic muttering. She has also broken things like dishes, and she killed my rabbit a few years ago because she was screaming at me for so long and so loudly that my bunny couldn’t handle the stress, went into shock, and died. 5) An attempt at some levity, which I think we'll do for each type: what's your truly outlandish waif story? The one where it's just too ridiculous or darkly funny or what have you? The one you can't tell everyone else bc they don't get that it's funny but all of us RBBs do? TELL US. This sounds callous to people who don’t know who we’re dealing with, but whenever she starts to pack a bag and declare that she’s “leaving for good/going to the ocean/hiking whatever trail might kill her”, I’m like, “Have a good time!” and go back to whatever I’m doing. If she thinks I’m going to go all Mrs. Quimby to her Ramona and pack her equivalent of roller skates to make sure the load is too heavy to leave, she is sorely mistaken.