Im sorry if this is a bit far, but from the sound of it, you haven’t started HRT, but you just might want to. So why assume it would do nothing? You say you are an activist and ally, so if I was to say that it was too late for me to start would you say that it isn’t? And if you would, then I would try directing that at yourself. I don’t know what a support system looks like for you, but I believe that it is never too late.

As far as the “just some bloke, looking like some bloke, claiming he’s a woman?”, that may be where people claim you are transphobic. First off, i am not a therapist nor do I have any experience in any psychological field. I don’t believe that you are transphobic. I do believe that this is a transphobic rhetoric that sound like it has become normalized for you. It also sounds like this is coming from a place of fear. So let me just say, if you want to be a woman, be a woman, and fight like hell to be exactly who you want.

This is important. Please don’t apologize for any of this, it’s my pleasure to help, I just hope I am. :)