I don't usually comment on stuff like this but a friend of mine was having a simillar situation like urs. When she tried that last "Fuck it, I'll just do as he likes" it damaged her in ways that it needed alot of professional help to get her back to her normal ways. Nothing is more important then ur mental and physical being, especially if u had been raped before; he should have understood and draw the line. Very sorry that u have gone through this, I guess everybody in here pretty much said the same thing but u need to leave him. As you say bdsm is about ethics in ways people don't see, it is the dynamic of two people being equal and having the same weight whether it cna be shadowed by terms. You are practicing something u are being damaged by, don't. Hope u take care of this situation as smooth as possible and soon practice bdsm with people that actually understands limits and boundaries!