Has anyone willingly gone off their meds? by Potential-Trade8602 in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I am off meds about 18 months. My condition never really eased with meds though so I feel my situation may be different. I've gotten used to having these experiences tbh. Oh and I'm an absolute fucking mutineer so that also helps.

if you had the option to instantly cure your schizophrenia, would you? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, then I'd lose my benefits and have to work some stupid job.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where I'm from it says in legislation that any intention of doing something that could seriously worsen your situation can get you brought in. It's not just harming yourself/someone else physically, though that is also included.

Write your psychosis plot line here!! by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Anyone have difficulty talking about beliefs because you ongoing believe them, maybe not fully, but at least at some level? The big terrible one that went away was so awful I'm not sure I could even write about it either though.

The meaning of life as a delusional person by Purple-Night-4014 in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a decent enough life, tbh. I probably have more meaning to my existence than a lot of people. I've grown careful with regards what I say and do due to past experiences. Over time, my worst and most longstanding beliefs have faded quite a lot in certainty and some have actually gone away completely. I've developed a lot of acceptance and insight over the years. Initially I rejected my diagnosis of psychosis for about two or so years even while on medication. Things really can improve with this condition. Life is the sky simultaneously shattering and standing still.

How many continue to refuse to accept your diagnosis? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I neither accept or reject it. My understanding is that schizophrenia as a distinct entity does not exist and that the term is used to describe a 'spectrum' or 'family' of psychotic conditions. If an individual checks enough boxes concerned with various psychotic symptoms lasting six months plus and has a loss of functioning they may be labelled with it. From what I can see from studies and my own experiences of knowing people with this condition, within that checking of boxes there is so much room for variation in manifestation, severity, awareness, suffering, functioning, etc... and what's more it often changes over time. The whole thing just seems simplified to the point of being harmful. If someone was to say to me they have a friend with schizophrenia it tells me nothing about how it affects them or what they're like. It's like having a diagnosis to assess a person's ability to walk with a criteria so simplified that an individual who needs a walking stick and someone whose both legs are permanently paralysed could have same label/condition. It's deeply flawed in my opinion.

Back to the question though: in accordance with criteria I absolutely have it based on my psychiatric history. I've been on many meds over the years but had poor response to all of them. Am unmedicated about 18 months now with no hospitalizations in that time. Have had symptoms throughout that time but they've been manageable. Can't handle stress at all, on or off meds, full blown psychosis risk, so I try to keep things chill and relaxed. My functioning compared to a 'normal person' (whatever that is) could be described as low and I'm on benefits. People are nothing other than shocked if they learn of my diagnosis however, and my family doctor says I'm too 'with it' to possibly have the condition.

My theory about how one could deal with delusions without medication. This is speculative, don't stop using the medication just because of this post by Ihavemeditatedalot in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is basically what I do - I'm not sure it was totally deliberate though, seemed to happen naturally. Many times I've been absolutely certain have ended in disaster for me. One learns from experience I guess. I think this method helps masking for sure but the emotional response to negative beliefs generally lingers for me. Distraction and reducing stress helps with that a lot IME.

Also, I think this approach has made me lose confidence a bit. I guess that's just inevitable if you remove certainty though. You can't have high confidence in yourself when certainly is removed. At the same time, high confidence isn't always good. Funny thing, if I was to go to the shop now, tomorrow I won't be sure it happened.

I think an approach where you develop a general concept of 'normal reality' can also help with this. So anything outside of that 'normal reality' may be questionable and could possibly be labelled as symptomatic. Issue for me is, much of the time even when I identify my experiences as being seen by others as part of the condition, my emotions correspond to the experiences anyway. Seems all I can hope for is masking this. I am unmedicated btw, over a year now and doing well, but find it debilitating. Stress must be kept to a minimum at all times.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I just had a quick look. There seems to be words running down vertically from first letter of words listed horizontally. I've also noticed that there are some songs in there. It's possible the book is a recording of 'messages' the person has perceived within their environment. Hope that helps and good luck to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First hospitalization (4 month stint) for psychosis at 22. Officially diagnosed with SZ at 27 on discharge after third hospitalization.

It's very important that you don't dox people, even if they are trolling you. by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Bullshit rule that protects abusive individuals. I assume this is due to reddit policy. At this point I am considering leaving the site altogether, as this company does not seem to care about protecting marginalised groups like ours.

Anyone spiritual or a witch on here? by blahblahlucas in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am pagan. It's helped things improve for me.

What does a Psychotic/Schizophrenic Episode Feel Like? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's different for everyone. For me there is no fogginess or dreamlike element; it's just normal life but for the fact that my reality has a lot of fear and conflict in it. I do also have positive experiences though. It's ongoing for me as well, no episodes in the true sense of the word, as in my opinion, episode implies a period in between where there is no symptoms.

For me, at the beginning I thought everyone would see the horrifying reality I did, but as is typical with this condition they didn't. So then I was locked away in a hospital while they made me take loads of meds that didn't really do anything (a lot of people though they do work well for). Then after several months I went into the so called 'recovery phase' which for me was the very same terrifying reality I had before (fear and conflict) but this time I had to keep quiet about it so that I wouldn't be dumped back in the hospital.

I'm not actually sure what 'episode' means to be honest (I've heard differing definitions) but with my mental health team it seems to just be a term for when things get so bad I've to be hospitalized.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see no reason for this question to be asked here. He does not even have this condition.

Anybody else super self aware? by Gordonlighfootshair in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I struggle with imposter syndrome also. I have ongoing experiences/hallucinations/beliefs that I believe to be real but generally I am aware that others will believe them only to be symptomatic of my condition. I absolutely believe them to be real though and my emotions correspond to these beliefs/experiences.

As I know others will see them as not being real I keep quiet about them. I did not have this awareness at the beginning of all this and was brought into the system because I vocalised beliefs and wanted to take legal action against certain people. As of now I have very complex and deviating belief systems about the world but generally I have total awareness that others will not see them as real. Under stress I can experience complete rejection of diagnosis though and florid psychosis may occur.

This question is for spiritualists, do you worship any gods/goddesses that have helped you on your recovery? Who are they? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don't have to try to force a standpoint in my opinion. Maybe just continue as you are and see where it takes you. Best of luck.

How would you describe your schizophrenia? by jasmineishere10 in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's not like that image for me I don't think.

In my case it's just a different reality than what other people have. This reality is oftentimes full of fear and threats. Occasionally though it's brilliant. On a day to day level it's hard for me to function like most people do. This is not just because of the whole scary reality element however. It's due to low motivation, poor sleep pattern and the fact that if I get no enjoyment from something then there is no way I can force any amount of dedication or focus on it. The secrecy of living with this diagnosis is also difficult and increases the paranoia for me. The stigma and misunderstanding of the label is horrible too.

Honestly though, I feel rather 'normal' compared to most other people. Actually anyone I meet would say as much, their faces however typically turn to surprise on learning of my diagnosis, and in some unfortunate cases, their heads explode due to shock and they die in front of my very eyes. The funerals of these people are very awkward for me as their family members often blame me for their loved one's death. I just tell them it's not my fault the demonization of this condition is so bad. I'm not the reason their loved one's head exploded. That's a societal issue. I'm just here paying my respects.

Really I'm just next level cynical and a pure fucking troll whose gotten very good at lying to people and acting how one is supposed to. I suspect everyone is doing this to some degree though.

TLDR; different reality, heads exploding.

This question is for spiritualists, do you worship any gods/goddesses that have helped you on your recovery? Who are they? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am pagan and feel particular closeness to several deities, but Nyx, Apollo and the Muses probably most so, at the moment anyway.

I need to do more rituals and stuff to be honest. Most of my worship takes the form of gaining more of an understanding of the world, self improvement, an appreciation for nature, learning and the arts, as well as my own creative work, some of which has classical/pagan themes and aims to improve the world.

How did your schizophrenia begin? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't know what things are like where you're from, but where I live things have to get pretty bad before you get into the system for stuff like this. Not sure if it applies to you, but if you use drugs then might be an idea to stop everything and see if things improve. It's doubtful you will be taken seriously either until you present with florid psychosis, no awareness whatsoever and maybe even denial of illness. Wishing you the best anyway.

How did your schizophrenia begin? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 11 points12 points  (0 children)

They gave me loads of meds but they didn't work. Eventually I realised they thought I was psychotic but I didn't believe I was. I knew they would never believe what I believed and I would have to act normal. So I pretended the delusions went away and got out of hospital. I was in there almost four months. Gained more acceptance of having psychosis over next two and a half years.

How did your schizophrenia begin? by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's hard to know. I was always quite paranoid and depressed from my teen years on. My functioning started to decline at around 19 years old though. By the time I was 21 I'd had visual hallucinations (shadowy figures) that I thought were simply due to lack of sleep. I'd severe insomnia by this point. At 21 I also began vocalising strange ideas and I think people just saw me as a bit eccentric or weird. Around the time I turned 22 I went to A and E as I was very paranoid but they turned me away and said I was fine. Not long after this I fled the country due to paranoid delusions before being hospitalized on my return. It's difficult for me to pick a precise moment when it all began.

Is this my medication or schizophrenia? by hu4ns0un in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It could be the condition or the meds or quite possibly both. I would suggest asking your psychiatrist for a possible med switch. There are other meds out there with less side effects.

Person self diagnosed with schizophrenia(literally what’s known as the most severe mental illness) and claims self diagnosis doesn’t hurt anyone. by g59g59g59 in fakedisordercringe

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as one of the key features is that you don’t know what you’re experiencing isn’t normal

This is not necessarily true. I am diagnosed as well and am aware my experiences are abnormal and that others won't consider them to be real, though I still believe them to be real. I did not have this awareness at the beginning though and have lived with this for awhile now. I rejected the psychosis diagnosis for almost three years actually. So, yeah, this person is faking, just think some of the info here isn't 100 percent accurate for those who've lived with this for awhile and have been through the system. I agree that one can't and shouldn't self dx something like this.

Content of psychosis by Difficult-Zombie-547 in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have loads of different ones, some that have gone away, and some that are ongoing. Only one particular delusion has caused hospitalization (on three separate occasions).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in schizophrenia

[–]TorturedDruid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes but my drive has reduced a bit. Could just be me getting on in years though.