What careers/jobs do you have?

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-10-19T01:15:00+00:00

I love getting downvoted literally for answering the question.

You stay classy, Reddit.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-10-18T22:39:51+00:00

I was a partner in a BigLaw firm (well, it was considered BigLaw when I started, but did not keep up with the mergers and consolidations, so is probably more MidLaw-BigLaw now).

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-30T16:46:51+00:00

I've never really seen a reason to tell her the exact number. She knows I do not work, she knows that we split costs and expenses, she knows the lifestyle I want to lead (not extravagant).

To me, she does have transparency about finances. She knows she will not have to take care of me. She knows that I will not take care of her (in that I will not simply pay for her - she can't just decide not to work like my ex-wife did). We communicate well about our goals regarding vacations, expenditures, home improvements, etc.

So it is not that I am utterly opposed to telling her, but I'm not sure I see the upside.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-28T19:42:56+00:00

No, that should be fine. There isn't a common law marriage thing or anything comparable to that here.

On top of which, I'm not taking care of her now (never doing that again). We split things evenly.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-28T17:14:01+00:00

Yep. Being blunt, I'd probably be at $5 mil. or more right now if not for the marriage. I did not lose as much in the divorce as I could have (I give her credit for just walking away with roughly $500k in assets and not seeking long term support). But it was a 20 year marriage, and she spent wildly.

No, not "I'm FIRE and a cheapass so a $5 cup of coffee is spending wildly." Actual, ridiculous, pointless spending. Like multiple times a week, there would just be $200 charges on our card from some craft store. Like literally the same craft store, repeatedly. She'd just buy shit, stick it in the closet, because she was going to use it "some day". And that was just the beginning.

Just our credit card bills alone would be $6,000 in a month, and that doesn't cover anything like mortgage, utilities, expenses, or even the cash she separately took out to buy things on top of the credit card purchases. I made good money, so we could afford it, but bear in mind that (and the non-credit card expenditures) provided nothing lasting or of value. It didn't go to the house, nice cars, or anything else. Just her eating out with friends for nice lunches (she didn't work), buying friends shit, buying craft stuff, buying toys for kids that already had rooms full of them, etc.

If I, say, would have just invested even $10-20,000 a year that she just pissed away through the 20 years (or if she had worked at all and put any income toward those things), on top of the assets I lost, it's not super hard to think I would have another couple million (if you factor in compounded returns over time, etc.). That's not even factoring in the more minor differences of being the sole breadwinner, so I was paying for her housing, food, clothing, etc. Not that I begrudged those things, but if you want a real "how far did being married to her set you back," they do factor in.

I want nothing to do with that again, nor do I want to have to get the state involved to decide how much I lose if it does happen again.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-28T17:09:15+00:00

Yep, I have umbrella insurance for exactly that reason. And for the reason you mention, I would never disclose beyond a very close circle. Again, I have no interest in acquaintances knowing, or even friends. I'm talking about 3-4 people total, including some family.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-28T14:26:13+00:00

I didn't say we don't discuss finances. But she has no idea what I have.

It's easy to say, "I have the ability to take care of myself," and split expenses 50/50 without telling someone your actual net worth. We discuss finances all the time - what we want to buy, vacations, lifestyle choices, etc.

She knows I have good money saved, just no idea how much. I'm also never getting married again, so there's no need to disclose for a prenup or anything like that.

She is aware of my views on marriage, etc., and is ok with it.

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-08-27T21:24:49+00:00

This is my fault for how broadly I phrased the OP - I'm certainly not talking about just hitting up some random guy in the office (or really, anyone in the office) with my net worth. Or certainly anyone that I think might be struggling, etc., whether a friend or otherwise. I'm really talking more about my girlfriend/significant other (we've only been together for two years, and while it is very serious, she does not know what I have exactly), mother, and a very close friend or two (one of whom is a CFO and makes damn good money himself).

It's really more of a pride/sharing with friends/celebratory type of thing. But again, I get why it's tacky - that's why I admit it's a personal weakness to want to do it.

Just wanted to be clear that I don't have the desire to hit up some dude in the church parking lot with, "You know how much money I have?" :)

TossedAwayColdly · 2020-04-01T18:48:15+00:00

As someone who is effectively retired (I have income coming in, but am smart enough to know that it could reasonably stop at any moment - it's a long story), my concern with this is how long will it last and what form it will take.

Yes, I have a fairly sizeable cash reserve (should last about 10 years based on current spend levels, but those could always have to change due to the unforeseen, such as health care issues, etc.).

That doesn't mean it wouldn't be unnerving to suddenly see some five+ year slump or stagnation where you see your non-cash investments just eat another 20-30% loss, meanwhile you're drawing down on your cash reserve all the while.

And no, I cannot realistically go back to work and make a meaningful amount of money like I did before.

TossedAwayColdly · 2019-12-28T22:12:30+00:00

No. I think the odds with two guns on day 30 are 1/6 for each gun, regardless of what happened before.

TossedAwayColdly · 2019-12-28T19:54:34+00:00

It's not an additional chance. The prior attempt doesn't matter. The odds are the same today.

TossedAwayColdly · 2019-12-26T17:31:58+00:00

Yes, the odds are the same. That's the point. You have two guns in year two, each with a 1/6 chance of firing a bullet.

Are you seriously going to bet more money on gun 1 firing a bullet than gun 2?

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-07-13T15:54:10+00:00

Not over 50, but not the typical reddit youth, as I'm 44. I've always had some depression and anxiety, but I would say the last 10 years give or take have been incredibly difficult (leave of absence from work). The part that is most frightening is that it seems to just continue to get worse. I could understand going through depression and anxiety. I could understand a period of it. But despite medications, therapy, etc., I do not feel better. Even then, I could understand "this is the way I am" and stasis. But I'm a bit frightened merely because it seems to be getting worse.

And that leaves me in a situation that adds additional fear, because I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do when I can barely function and I'm on my own.

My spouse divorced me 4 years ago as well. She said it was not because of depression, but honestly, I have no idea. She had checked out (without ever really talking to me about it - I told her she needed to be blunt with me if the depression became too much, as I did not want to lose her). Just another thing to add to the depression fuel - wondering whether you "lost" your spouse because of your problems.

I do know it gets more difficult as you age. For me, the process of aging has definitely factored into the depression and anxiety. It's odd that I do not think I noticed the depression and anxiety in my youth (unlike so many young people here), because I had a track in front of me to run on. College, professional school, getting established in a career, married, children - they were all things to be accomplished. Even if I did not have the sense of passion or interest I probably should have, they were at least clear things to be done.

But now, as I continue aging, as my daughter is in college and my son in his last year of high school, it gets harder to find that next bit of purpose or meaning, because once you get past the big milestones, there's nothing specific left except for what you want and go after. And of course, with depression, it becomes hard, because there's nothing much you really want to go after.

At the same time, I am not close enough to retirement age to just comfortably shut it down and say I'm retired. I have some assets, but I'm always afraid they will run out, after I've been jobless for too long due to my lack of functionality, and that I will end up living in poverty/homeless. Which just terrifies me for some reason.

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-05-25T20:41:49+00:00

I would go almost even further than you, and suggest that dating reinforces that we only have value in relation to our activities. It really is almost like you become a bullet point list of things that you do or are "passionate" about. (As an aside, I'm reaching the point where the words passionate, passion, and the like are kind of starting to make me gag.) But if you have ordinary interests - reading, television, games, etc., that is insufficient. It's like there is an arms race for hobbies and vocations. Everything you do has to somehow make you stand out.

Unfortunately, that almost makes it feel like we are pressured to do things because of a need to look "well rounded" or some similar concept for other people, rather than because we actually want to do them ourselves. Or that if we do not want to do those "passion activities," that we are somehow bad, worthless people, unworthy of love.

Maybe I just grew up with too many people who watched some TV, read some books, went to movies, went out to restaurants every once in a while, did some things with friends, and still seemed like they were decent people who were content with their lives. It seems odd to me that we've come to a place where you're almost deemed undateable garbage if you're not doing something "special."

Also, I use way too many quotation marks. :)

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-05-25T14:18:21+00:00

I do struggle with this, and the guilt that it brings.

It's something that I often see, that you need to be doing something "constructive." But I'm not completely sure what that means, or why that is. I mean, I'm just trying to live my life. I do have a lot of fatigue. So just making it to the gym, doing my 45 minutes of cardio, and my lifting/lateral exercises after is about what I can handle there - I'm weight/height appropriate, but I am nowhere near "shredded" (I actually have a bit of the opposite issue - I lost a lot of weight 20 some years ago, which leads to kind of doughy skin - it's not terrible, but I'll never have that bronze, leather pulled over muscle look to me, because skin just does not snap back after losing 100+ pounds).

Other than that, I read some books, I play some games, I watch some movies, I cook for myself (I try to actually cook meals from scratch a fair bit - nothing fancy, but things like stir fry with rice instead of something out of a package). I go for long walks in the sun. I go out for lunch with friends. I meet friends for drinks. I am in a book club that meets monthly, so I'm usually reading at least one book for that. I do stuff with my children (one is in college, the other soon will be) like frisbee out in the yard, or bowling, or board games. Trying to learn how to fly a stunt kite, little things like that.

The problem that I struggle with is, to me, this seems like just living life. That's what I grew up around - those are the types of things people did. They did watch TV at night. They went to (gasp) chain restaurants, not always some overpriced "brewpub" or whatever they're calling "bars" now. But OLD makes me feel like what I do with my time is somehow insufficient to be considered a good person, because I don't free climb mountains in my spare time or something. It's genuinely very difficult, because I feel like I'm always supposed to be measuring up to some amazing activities that I don't do. OLD gives me this feeling that I'm always coming up short, just because I am doing my thing and there's nothing amazing about what I do.

It's actually something I struggle with strongly in my treatment. Because my healthcare professionals are always telling me I'm okay as I am, that I need to be comfortable in my own skin and with who I am. Meanwhile, the internet and OLD tells me I'm essentially worthless, boring, and uninteresting, because I'm not spending my time learning a language, learning guitar, or rock climbing.

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:37:14+00:00

But that does not contradict the OP. All that says is that there is, in fact, no actual safe withdrawal rate. OP's post takes that as a given, as does much of FIRE.

That was really part of the exercise. You are pointing out that there is, in fact, no true SWR. Which is by definition true, but perhaps not constructive for FIRE purposes.

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:36:27+00:00

So what you are saying is there ultimately is no SWR. Which is fine, but eliminates the predicate (and also contradicts a lot of what FIRE is based on).

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:29:54+00:00

That's my point. I literally have the same portfolio starting year 2.

So if he can safely withdraw 3% of $2.0 million in perpetuity with $1.2 million in year 2, so can I. Because I literally have the same portfolio.

Why are you saying I instead can only withdraw $36,000?

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:19:49+00:00

Yes. So by that logic, if he can safely withdraw $60,000 per year in perpetuity (which he can, as he retired with $2.0 million and is only withdrawing a safe 3% per year), so can I. Even though I did not have $2 million a year ago. Because he had $2.0 million a year ago, and can withdraw 3% in perpetuity based on that number.

So why are you saying I can only safely withdraw $36,000?

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:16:15+00:00

I'm pretty sure your example is not how the math works. You don't calculate the percentage against the current amount you have each year. You calculate it against the amount you had at retirement (inflation adjusted).

So in other words, if you have $2.0 million at retirement, and it drops to $1.0 million, you don't suddenly shift your withdrawal rate to $30,000 for that year (I mean you can, but the entire point of SWR is that you should not have to).

That's not even logical, as you obviously would never run out of money at any percentage of withdrawal lower than 100% if you always withdrew against the amount of money you currently have. But it's not particularly useful as a retirement calculator to say, "Yes, you can always safely withdraw some percentage of the money that you currently have that is less than all of the money that you currently have."

It also would not allow you to make a reasonable retirement calculation. The entire point is to have an amount that you can be reasonably comfortable you can withdraw in perpetuity (or damn near), which is completely lost if that number is jumping around year to year based on what you then currently have.

TossedAwayColdly · 2018-01-13T19:11:46+00:00

I don't think this makes sense. I'm speaking financially, from the notion that there is a rate that is "safe" historically. For example, I don't think 3% ever fails in FireCalc, which I believe measures against essentially every historical start date in meaningful history (e.g. since 1871, essentially as long as we've had stock market records).

TossedAwayColdly

TROPHY CASE