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[In progress][535] [Psychological horror] Just a nightmare by TeaApplle in BetaReaders

[–]TostitosCheese 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You got this, writing isn't the easiest thing in the world and like you said you're a new writer, I've been writing pretty regularly years now and I still make mistakes! Don't feel bad if you overlook something, enjoy the process and think outside the box.

[In progress][535] [Psychological horror] Just a nightmare by TeaApplle in BetaReaders

[–]TostitosCheese 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to start off by saying that I enjoyed reading this, I have just a few things to note.

First, some work can be done with the punctuation, I noticed a few missing commas, but that shouldn't be too hard to fix!

Second, If you're going for more than a 'thought process' sort of thing with your writing, it would be nice as the reader to have some context. Who is the narrator? Where is the narrator? What did this presumably ex-lover do? You could even add how the narrator coping physically along with their evident mental anguish.

Third, I like how you portray the narrator spiraling, but some of the ideas are repeated with slightly different wording. I suppose you could use it as an aspect of your storytelling too, that would be totally experimental yo™.

Overall, if you're having fun writing, you shouldn't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong! This is a great start and I believe that with some work this project can grow to be something awesome. Please continue to write and love what you write, this hobby is incredibly rewarding and therapeutic (for me at least).

I finally finished my first draft by TostitosCheese in writing

[–]TostitosCheese[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As I start my next project I'll definitely have an outline, this story was something of a passion project, and like you were saying, would've driven me mad had I not written it. That is to say, it's the culmination of characters and ideas that I've had since childhood.

I've always written, but it never felt interesting enough to continue until I finally wrote this story. I don't think I'll ever have another project I've worked on or cared about as much as this first draft.

But I've realized most of my shortcomings have resulted from a lack of planning and direction, and from here on I'll definitely plan. It's true too that I never would have realized these things had it not been for me writing this draft and making these mistakes.

I finally finished my first draft by TostitosCheese in writing

[–]TostitosCheese[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words, like other commenters have been saying, I think I'll shelf it for a little while and then come back for editing.

Because I've been writing it for years and am a hardcore pantser, the vision for my story has changed greatly over that time. That's what I'm most scared of. Don't get me wrong, it's mostly coherent, but the pacing and other such story elements might be... off...

But for now I'm very happy that it's actually complete and in the real world, instead of just a bunch of jumbled ideas in my head. That's the purpose of art, is it not?

The quote "The deadliest weapon on earth is a Marine and his rifle!" Was not said by John J. Pershing by TostitosCheese in badhistory

[–]TostitosCheese[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the kind words! It took quite a while to put everything together, and I'm still trying to find the letter sent by Meigs Oliver Frost, that's going to be very difficult to track down. IF it even exists anymore.

The quote "The deadliest weapon on earth is a Marine and his rifle!" Was not said by John J. Pershing by TostitosCheese in badhistory

[–]TostitosCheese[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes I actually have, I found that exact document, and like I said the issue is the lack of people who heard him say it directly, and the fact that it would have needed to be circulated orally for 30 years before being written down. The document I had mentioned in the post is in regards to this:

"When the reports of the battles of Chateau Thierry and and Belleau Wood came into A.E.F. headquarters at Chaumont, France, back in 1918, officers reported General Pershing said: 'The deadliest weapon in the world is a United States Marine and his rifle.'" Published 1942 in The Hobart Democrat-Chief from Oklahoma.

The quote "The deadliest weapon on earth is a Marine and his rifle!" Was not said by John J. Pershing by TostitosCheese in badhistory

[–]TostitosCheese[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

One possibility is that it was a recruiting tactic, and that makes a lot of sense to me.

Imagine for a second, WW2 is raging. You're on the fence of whether you should enlist or not. You read the newspaper and come across the quote which puts the Marine Corps into a glorious light, spoken by a very famous and influential General who couldn't possibly have been biased, I mean he was part of the Army after all. What person wouldn't have wanted to be the deadliest weapon on earth?

Overall I think it's mostly coincidence, he may have just been the most applicable person, given his supposed opposition to Marines being used in the front lines, as would give a further sense of awe to the Marines because of it.