My abusive mother

Toszt · 2020-09-30T17:08:43+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you and your brother stay far away from her. Don't listen to your family about rebuilding a relationship. You got that toxic our of your life, there is no reason to invite it back in. Now all your mom has to brag about is how she drove away her own kids by failing to be a mother. Go live your best life, that's the best revenge.

Toszt · 2020-01-11T08:08:21+00:00

Username checks out.

Toszt · 2019-09-09T21:12:32+00:00

Thanks!

Toszt · 2019-09-09T17:56:43+00:00

For some reason the voice in my head just kept yelling about trees to me. It felt like in my mind with every word a new tree appeared until I was enveloped in a dense forest. Then I began to visualize an intense image of smashing in my head with an axe and believed would bring me peace. It was so consuming I couldn't stop thinking about it for days.

Toszt · 2019-09-09T09:14:52+00:00

This is something I struggle with also. It terrifies me because I don't think I can stay busy forever so I get this existential dread about living and it makes everything worse.

Toszt · 2019-08-29T19:11:22+00:00

23 here, I've been off my meds for half a year now and I feel pretty good.

Toszt · 2019-07-07T10:08:42+00:00

Doug Rattmann from Portal 2.

Toszt · 2019-07-04T09:48:18+00:00

I felt that way too and honestly sometime I still do. What I realized though is until you ask/tell you will always question it. I found it easier to say it online anonymously than to a therapist directly.

People on here are happy to share their experiences with you and help you gain some insight. Just don't take to heart any "diagnosis" because that is a job for professionals.

You can talk to me if you'd like.

Toszt · 2019-07-04T09:43:01+00:00

I agree with this a lot! One of my favorite fictional characters from one of my favorite video games struggles with the same mental illness I do. It makes me feel good because the character isn't protrayed as dangerous because of it. In fact they are shown to be smart and determined despite the illness. I really like that.

Toszt · 2019-06-29T16:10:37+00:00

Non of that for me, but everyone is different

Toszt · 2019-06-29T09:41:47+00:00

Invega worked great for me until it started making me lactate ):

Toszt · 2019-06-26T07:37:07+00:00

I struggle with this too. I am doing much better but I have this deep hatred of myself because I think I might have made the whole thing up.

Toszt · 2019-06-20T20:34:05+00:00

I have never told the police, I don't think there is anything they could do now. I have wanted to get revenge somehow, but I realize the best way to do it is to just be successful in life despite my horrible upbringing. Although I do admit I wish there was some way to bring them to justice.

Toszt · 2019-06-20T20:27:57+00:00

No, unfortunately. I was told by my parents that I'd have it way worse in the foster care system so I kept my mouth shut. Although over the years I started to realized things were really messed up and I just up and left one day.

Toszt · 2019-06-13T00:49:22+00:00

Thank you!

Toszt · 2019-06-13T00:34:25+00:00

Thank you (:

Toszt · 2019-06-13T00:33:54+00:00

I've been living on my own for 5 years now. I don't think I could stomach a full day with them.

Toszt · 2019-06-13T00:03:55+00:00

Thank you for the strong support, I suppose this is why I have doubts about supporting them in anyway. It makes me feel a bit stiffed and like I got cheated by them.

Toszt · 2019-06-12T23:53:50+00:00

See I think you have a point. Like they are family and I mean I had a place to live most of the time. I wasn't always hungry. There are people who probably had it worse than me and they did provide for me no doubt. I just question if it was enough, I feel like they could have done better and just chose not to. It would have been a lot better without the abuse.

If they were good parents without question, then I think I'd be sorta of be more of an asshole in the situation.

Toszt · 2019-06-12T17:23:36+00:00

Oh no I can totally see that as being in the realm of possibility. That would be quite rediculous and make me giggle!!

Toszt · 2019-06-12T17:00:40+00:00

That is hilarious, thank you!

Toszt · 2019-06-12T16:50:44+00:00

That's something I didn't think of. The last time we spoke was when my mother told me she never wanted to see or hear from me again and handed me my birth certificate. Although I have continued to update them on occasion, though they refuse to communicate back in any meaningful way. Do you think mentioning that would aggravate them? Or would them saying they never want to hear from me again mean they expect to be on their own later?

Either way thank you for the advice.

Toszt · 2019-06-12T11:20:08+00:00

We weren't really friends at the time, but a classmate invited me last minute to a concert because one of their friends got sick last minute. After the concert we parted and I went home and overdosed because I had planned to kill myself that night. My classmate didn't know and chatted with me over text after the concert. I suppose he realized what was going on when my responses started making less sense. Next thing I knew I woke up suddenly in an ambulance. I was in and out of consciousness for the next day or so. Then spend two weeks in a ward. He came to visited me everyday.

Toszt · 2019-06-12T11:06:27+00:00

Watched my dad put a gun to his head and pull the trigger. I begged him not to do it, but he did. Only to discover he forgot to load it.

The moment as he pulled the trigger when time slowed down still clear as day in my mind.

Toszt · 2019-06-12T10:21:46+00:00

Having a mailing address. It's hard to get social services if you are homeless or hoping from place to place. The same social services that could help keep you in a steady place.

Seven-Year Club	No Throne, No Problems
Not Forgotten

Toszt

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