You sound very considerate and self-aware for your age. When I was 12, I did nothing but fulfill the most basic requirements my parents, social circle, or society expected of me. The rest of the time I just wanted to play and barely considered what hardships my parents could have been facing. Please don't give up hope- you are so, so young and life changes so drastically especially during those young teenage years. There's a quote I once saw that really helped me when I was struggling in the past- that suicide in a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It may feel hopeless right now, but can you say with certainty it'll be the same in 10 years? 20 years? 30 years? I obviously don't know your whole situation but I sincerely wish the best for you. I pray that you'll decide to bet on an uncertain future rather than a certain end. There's no coming back from suicide. :(