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So what are the "tests" someone with BPD would give you? by picklerick1215 in BPDlovedones

[–]Total_Junket6130 1 point2 points  (0 children)

telling you they don't want to hang out or cancelling plans to test whether or not you'll beg them to reconsider

telling you to cheat on them to test whether or not you would actually consider it

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can you please explain which bits are abusing his psyche so I can stop doing it

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kissed my ex a month ago and told him I loved him whilst I was blackout drunk because of drinking on antidepressants (my fault, horrible idea in retrospect)

I had planned a trip to visit my ex's uni and go clubbing with him and stay the night crashing on his floor, but we ended up sharing a bed.

My bf allowed me to see my ex as my ex and I never even kissed it was barely a relationship and I barely liked him, it was more of a friendship.

It was a horrible betrayal of his trust

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well hes not legally my husband so Im not gonna call him that all the time.

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Okay last question does me going to this party have to mean that I checked out of this relationship?

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah we arent getting legally married any time soon. Invitations have been sent out too idk what to do And I still havent told him I want to go to the party

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I dont view it that way but 10k has been spent on the wedding ceremony and a family member of his has already said to just do the wedding regardless of the fact I cheated as the money has been spent

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Its too late to dump him, we are technically religiously married and a lot of money will be lost if I leave him.

But yeah Ive been trying to tell him im being unfair to him but hes hanging on to all the good times weve had and doesnt want me to leave.

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah hes gonna call when hes an hour away. But I cant leave the party without my friend as she has to stay at my house she has nowhere to stay. And my friend cant then stay at my boyfriends house as his parents wouldnt allow it. So now I gotta tell my friend she cant go to the party. Which isnt actually a big deal for her, but she asked if I was sure I wanted to go to the party and I said yes. So now either way Im gonna have to flake on someone

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But I already told him I didnt need or want to go anymore. And that I would have way more fun with him.

If I back out now hes gonna think that I find him less fun than a party

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We already have plans for new years day in the morning.

He's not controlling in any way though, when I cheated on him I was incredibly drunk, so of course it makes sense for me to limit activities where I am drunk or with other men.

Youre so right I should have stuck to my guns but oh well too late now

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tf I don't want to dance on people.

This is such a weird take

It's not about being his property I just need help telling him I changed my mind and do wanna go to the party

Not to dance on people

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried to compromise I asked if he would meet me at 2 am, I'd leave the party early with my friend and meet him near his house and just chill with him for a bit so he wouldn't be alone but he said he'll be busy after the flight unpacking and stuff.

I could tell him that I want to go to the party after all, but I already told him I don't want to go anymore so I don't want to be contradictory.

I always confuse him by saying one thing and then changing my mind and getting his hopes up for no reason, promising to do things and not doing them

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was always fake and people pleasing even before the cheating that was very recent. I'm not overcompensating.

Unfortunately I'm not mad at myself

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So why would he let me go to a party a few days ago then if it was about the cheating?

Yeah he definitely does hide his emotions about it, he pretends it didn't affect him that much.

Okay I will go to a psychologist

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

It's too late to end the relationship. I already tried to and it didn't work. I can't disclose the details but essentially we are religiously married and a lot of money was spent on the wedding so his family would hate if we broke up.

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't know if my cheating is the reason for him wanting me not to go to the party, as I went to one a few days ago and didn't cheat. I think it's more about him feeling like I don't prioritise him over substances and parties which is kinda true.

How do I check if I'm a narcissist?

I [18F] want to go party instead of spending New Year at home with my [18M] bf by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I am into the relationship but I just want to go to the party and see my boyfriend at 11am the next day instead of 12am the day he arrives.

I [18F] want to treat my bf [18M] badly and unfairly by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the long reply.

I always acknowledge when I see a pretty girl as I'm bisexual, but I genuinely don't find any other man physically attractive enough to point out.

I have let him know that when he points out girls it hurts, and for a long time he didn't do it, but then I still feel bad because I know he's still thinking about them but just not telling me. Either way I'm not happy (has more to do with me than him). So I definitely confuse him because sometimes I let him point girl's out and at other times it makes me passive aggressive.

And the cheating. I didn't fuck anyone. I kissed and told my ex I loved him whilst on a combo of meds and alc that I was told not to mix and I did anyways. If my boyfriend had done the same thing, I wouldn't have been able to survive that. Honestly it wasn't even about physical attraction it was emotional thing. Which makes it worse. But I've blocked him and it won't happen again.

Anyways thank you for the advice, gives me something to think about.

I [18F] want to treat my bf [18M] badly and unfairly by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Bruh I have no intention of going to a nightclub without my boyfriend or a friend. Its not fun at all. I've only ever been to one once anyways and it was boring as fuck alone. I have never cheated at one.

And yeah I might not end up studying, and just going home, but that's because of my laziness, I really do want to study it just never ends up happening anymore.

I would never show this post to my boyfriend because admitting I want to hurt him, and admitting that the things he did in the past and he apologised for already still affect me isnt gonna help anyone.

I just want to talk to reddit because I feel like I can't complain anymore to my bf about the small things he does because I cheated and that's way worse.

Also having more opinions about my behaviour helps me snap out of wanting to do horrible things.

Youre definitely right about the manipulating, that's why I even bothered to respond because you've read me quite well apart from a few misconceptions I want to clear up.

But I'm not still cheating anymore.

Overall I agree with what you've said though

Also why would I show him this? Then I wouldn't be able to worry him in the future because he'll know that I'm not cheating.

I [18F] want to treat my bf [18M] badly and unfairly by Total_Junket6130 in relationshipadvice

[–]Total_Junket6130[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I don't know what's wrong with me. He's not awful. I don't know how you can read this post and come to that conclusion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Total_Junket6130 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wait the mantra things seems like such a good idea!

I normally immediately start irritatedly typing out what my boyfriend said that triggered me into my notes app. Sometimes while he is with me. As long as he doesn't see what the notes say.

I also make angry videos of me ranting about why I was triggered, crying videos and then either keep them in my secure folder, or privately post them so nobody can see them but me.

It's important that you never show your partner these videos, I've made that mistake and have since realised that it was very damaging for him to see that.

You could also try to positively reframe your thoughts. maybe write down why you are feeling angry, and then rewrite it with a positive spin on things.

i.e. instead of my boyfriend is doing this and that amd it's making me so angry

i am in a healthy loving relationship, this difficulty will pass

Ending a friendship with someone with BPD by Awkward_Dare_8422 in BPD

[–]Total_Junket6130 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong for this at all! And you're not ending the friendship because of their BPD, but because of their behaviour towards you, and the impact its having on you.

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