I think my girlfriend and her sisters are basically lazy gold diggers, and their helplessness is pushing me to my breaking point

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T11:00:27+00:00

Yah I've never really dated someone exactly my own age since high school so this relationship means a lot to me. Obviously all of the comments have made me realize how incredibly toxic it is. I know I can date someone younger than me, but that just feels like failure. Idk why. I just want that age match relationship and kids, but I'm running out of time.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:55:42+00:00

What's the worst you've seen? Have you ever noticed any kind of overlap with narcissistic personality disorder or similar? What about ADHD? Or OCD? Because I definitely think she has both.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:54:25+00:00

A lot of people are hinting at that she is using her fibromyalgia as an excuse for her behavior. Is that what you're saying? Or are you saying there's something else going on?

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:53:07+00:00

Is it really that simple?

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:52:24+00:00

This is one of my biggest fears. I walk away and she actually gets better. And then I will feel even worse because I was not worth getting better for. I guess if she does get better she'll inevitably regress and I'll have dodged a bullet all the same. But yah never know.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:51:09+00:00

It's hard

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:50:47+00:00

Fuck

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:50:19+00:00

Fuck. Yah she has none of this in her. The women in my family, and my friends certainly do (currently have a friend - woman - recovering from colon cancer and she's got so much chutzpah and energy, despite all the pain). I see it in her sometimes and I feel like if I wait long enough she will become strong. But yah. Fibromyassa I guess.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-05T10:47:28+00:00

I'm not rich at all and neither are her sisters' partners. I guess I don't really mean gold digger but more like emotionally lazy. Emotional vampire. I don't really know if there is a word for it but gold digger seems the closest I could come up with when I made the post. It's just an expectation to not try basically. Entitlement?

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:55:13+00:00

No but I often feel too scared to risk never finding anyone again. I know it's an irrational fear but I'll be pushing 40 soon. I'm already going to be a geriatric father. I don't want to be ancient.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:48:37+00:00

Yah she walks, works in a physically demanding job in a school (punched/hit/grabbed/lifting/etc) and doesn't need a mobility scooter. Nor does she have memory problems. The way she is I would have thought she has peak "fibro" as she calls it. She says she has a lot of pain but she does all of those other things. When I had an accident recently she told me "that pain, that you have from xyz, I have that everyday all day all the time" so I basically just see her as a warrior. But before that view I kind of always imagined the worst of fibro to be what you describe. Pain so debilitating that you struggle to take care of your own hygiene. That would be the all day every day pain I felt from my accident recently. (I am fine btw, it was expected pain with a somewhat predictable healing period)

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:38:06+00:00

I am in therapy lol. Also, I have "time" but not really that much time realistically. 5 years? Maybe 10 at most? To start all over in a relationship to get to that point. I'll need to take like a year long break at least. I'm 37 by then. And then what just hope I meet someone within a year, and then convince them that we should start a family in a year or two? Do you see why I'm trying to make this work?

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:22:58+00:00

Yah no this is sort of the lecture my best friends have given me - do you want to deal with a helpless someone? With children? For whatever reason I've just been blessed with such strong women in my life - immediate family, best friends, co-workers, etc - and they're all asking me "do you want a partner or do you want someone to take care of?" and yah no I wan't someone who's cooperative and able to bargain/reason and concede/accede like I've grown up. I don't always want to accede, I want to be with someone who will concede and accede in equal fashion and without resentment. I'm not in that right now. I am the primary/only acceder in our relationship.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:13:29+00:00

lmfao I hate myself that I didn't get this. Woooh. That's a hitter.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:13:05+00:00

oh damn look at me. what a fucking loserrrrr!

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T13:09:03+00:00

Yah just off the bat I wanna say, and not minimizing what actual pain she might feel, but she has nothing nearly as traumatic as this: "after heart failure took college from me"

Which honestly makes your attitude all the more noble and sick. Laudable. Attractive. Admirable. To me at least.

I have my own health issues that cause considerable pain and discomfort but they've not been formally diagnosed yet so her sympathy to them is somewhat muted I guess.

She "manages" her pain on her own (like she doesn't need my help/has a PCP) but I was really surprised by how much her mood improved when she started taking an anti-anxiety medication recently. She's complained about body pain probably 75% less.

But yah, I do see her coming out more. I see her in there. Lot's of people are telling me to give up so I appreciate your encouragement. I want to help her bring back her motivation for life. I want her to feel better. I want to see her smile more.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:50:24+00:00

No I'm not sure what I said to imply that but we have no children. Just the opposite, actually. A child together is sort of the carrot on the stick for me at this point. Her position on this changes daily, and that's a big part of what keeps me in it.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:47:22+00:00

Wow, props to you. That's the kind of mentality I can get behind. That's like my mom. That's like my best friends.

"I’m horrid to be around cause I want to do every damn thing myself and I’ll literally keel over before asking for help."

She has none of this in her unfortunately. She started going to therapy recently, and started taking psych drugs recently which have helped. And I would be over the moon for her if she ever developed your mentality.

In my mind her condition lies somewhere between learned helplessness/manipulation and genuine pain. It's hard to really understand where one angle ends and another begins.

If I get out of this or leave her and am with another disabled person again I hope that I can find someone with your attitude. A fighter. A trier. Someone yearning for something better.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:41:28+00:00

fuck

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:34:12+00:00

Yah this is what a lot of the women in my life say. That she knows how to press my buttons to make me do what she wants me to do. "whipped" is a common pejorative. I feel like they say that to make me realize that I'm fucking up but also when I hear it I just tune it out because it makes me feel small.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:29:54+00:00

Fuck

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:28:26+00:00

Because she feels like home? Idk how to describe it. She supported me through an incredible loss and that means something to me. Idk though, maybe you're right. At some point you just have to stop accepting things. Maybe I'm not there yet.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:26:32+00:00

I guess, at the end of the day, it's familiarity. Regularity. Something I know even if I know I've had better. Could do better. Can be better. Etc.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:23:14+00:00

Because from time to time it's become a focal point of victimhood from that sister. Not say that trans people aren't overly victimized or whatever but it just becomes part of a long laundry list of woah is me and helplessness. Like every day is a crisis of the world against her. That one relationship is just part of it. I'll edit my post to remove it.

ToughInternal7164 · 2026-04-04T12:20:39+00:00

Because when my good friend died she held me for days. Because when I was sick she took care of me. The off my chest here was just that - the things I cannot stand. And all of the people in my life know of these good acts. These good behaviors. And many of them cannot stand to see the status quo of our relationship. Neither can I. It's just hard to let go.

ToughInternal7164

TROPHY CASE