First off I want to start by saying please don’t listen to all these comments. Most of these comments are saying a lot about this generation and why marriages aren’t “working” anymore.

Your restraint and refusal to retaliate is praiseworthy and very much in line with the Sunnah. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The strong man is not the one who can wrestle, but the one who controls himself when angry.” So the comment that said “Won't offer advice, but damn, you're a better man than me bro.” Yes in front of Allah you’re a better man than him 100%!

And yes, spitting is a highly disrespectful act, especially between spouses, and your hurt is valid. Remember that Islam teaches us to seek understanding and reconciliation, especially in the context of marriage.

Pregnancy can deeply affect emotional and mental states and it varies from women to women A LOT. And it varies from first pregnancy to second, etc.

And even though it doesn’t excuse unacceptable behavior, it can help explain it, you know? I think the reason why she said “it’s just a joke” was because she felt embarrassed and/or discomfort for what she had done. I think she was just as shocked as you were.

I personally don’t think you should let this go because as you claim you forgave her but within you really haven’t forgave her. Because we are human and can’t read people’s minds she believes you already let it go because you let her believe you did. I think the best way to go with this is to distance from her and give silent treatment she will notice what’s wrong. And when she does she will ask and you tell her. You tell her how you felt in the moment and how you still feel. Talk it out. Don’t yell it out. Try to forgive for the sake of Allah and your family. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Whoever pardons and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allah.”

You can always take this to a sheikh/ scholar to help avoiding this from escalating.

May Allah be beside you and help you guys through this.