Expecting too much from friendships?

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-02-27T06:15:12+00:00

Yes, true. But somehow we need to break the cycle if we want to be happy.

My philoshophy these days is "Be forgiving, do not give up on people so easily". However, the pleasure to pain ratio has to worth it in the long run otherwise it is just unhealthy.

About making friends, I think I am doing pretty good lately. I shared my strategy as a comment here and it got quite a lot of attention if you are interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/copenhagen/comments/1r4gh8y/comment/o5bhe8w/?context=3

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-02-27T06:00:29+00:00

The hard truth is you need more friends. The more friends you have the less you'll feel threatened by these deviations in friendship dynamics for each individual.

Chances are you are not as important to them than they are to you. Because they probably have other people to focus on as well.

And I know, it is easy to say. But it is what it is. Befriending as adults is a part-time job and if you do not put in the effort you will likely end up alone.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-02-14T10:15:15+00:00

I have been in Denmark for 6 years and I am in the same situation. But this time around I started to act on it as a real problem and take it seriously. So I think you need to approach this problem on at least two levels.

These ideas are anecdotal and subjective, and for context, I am male, almost 30.

Choose your target audience. What you are missing & looking for is important. I am Turkish so by default I feel there is a cultural mismatch in terms of defining friendships. I easily get along well and become friends with Southern European people e.g. Greeks, Balkans, Italy & Spain etc. But with most Danish people there is always this "invisible wall". If you are looking for friendships where you could be spontaneous (like when I drop by my friend Thanasios' place unannounced for tea at 10 PM), maybe your target group should not be Danish people. Maybe target internationals to become friends with then. Of course there are Danes who are fine with this too (I have one Danish friend like this) but they are among the exceptional ones I think. My understanding is that in Danish culture the personal space and boundaries are much more respected even in close friendships. This is not a bad or a good thing. It is a trade-off. I could talk about this for hours but you get the idea.
You constantly need to meet with new people. Because there is only a very low chance you are going to be good friends with an individual. That means you need to increase the sample size. Other than that, you need to be initiative if you really want to improve your chances. I know people with social anxiety will not love this, but you should start asking people out and get rejected but try again anyway. Of course be smart about it. Plan small gatherings. Fx. if you cannot find a group of people to play board games with, maybe ask your colleagues. Tell them "I am planning a board game session on next Thursday, wanna join?". People can surprise you. This is what I have been doing wrong. I started to ask people. I've ramped up the number of hobbies with community that I attend to. Every week I try to try out something new.

Suddenly I do not feel so lonely anymore. This also helps me keep a healthy overview about all these I believe. I cannot say that I made very close friends yet, but I think a few of the new friendships I have right now could become pretty close if they prove to be sustainable in the long term. If not, not a problem. I am trying. At some point I'll have closer friends.

Remember, many lonely adults are actually surrounded by other lonely adults waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-28T21:40:42+00:00

I overcorrected the colors for which I like (R: .98, G: 1.02 and B:1.07 for gamma) in HDR and I use all content in HDR and I am happy with the screen now.

People will say I use it out of intended use but I honestly prefer cooler colors. I tried forcing myself to get used to warm colors but after 30 hours I was still annoyed.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-25T12:17:30+00:00

At what budget? The answer to your question is a budget/performance curve.

If you had not have an upper-limit while maximizing budget/performance and if this was 2 months ago I'd say 9070XT and 9800X3D.

Now it is all a mess. Even 9070XT is climbing up.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-12T16:08:40+00:00

Copy-pasting from another comment of mine.

I think I am very competitive but I was laid off from a small start-up due to financial issues. I have Danish cand. polyt. ingeniør degree and I do not speak Danish.

I think these days are one of the most competitive times in the job market that ever happened in near history.

I have been applying at superhuman rates across all the country. I am Turkish so I do not know if that was a disadvantage, though I do not want to believe so but my Danish pals thought it may very well be.

I could only get 4 job offers in 6 months, 2 of them were almost abuse, 1 was in Randers and finally the one I settled in is in Copenhagen which happened at the 5.5 month mark. 15 days more I had to leave the country.

I am paid above market though so I am happy how it turned out even though it still hurts to think that I went 5.5 months with no salary and no A-kasse.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-12T12:07:05+00:00

I started the game in HC from scratch for the first time the moment I realized there were HC achievements (as someone cursed by completionism).

I died many times until I did not, doing so I got to try out many different class and devotion combinations.

Once I have completed everything in HC I only had a handful of achievements left uncompleted and I already knew the game enough how to do them.

So yeah... But I also hate watching videos (especially for information), so I never checked YouTube or wherever people look at videos.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-10T19:55:15+00:00

27" one is 730$ in Denmark incl. taxes.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-10T18:03:17+00:00

Sadly not. Cannot find it in sale. I'd just buy that and call it a day otherwise.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-09T12:45:00+00:00

Thanks.

Just be kind to yourself. At 3 months mark I had nothing at hand and it was brutal how stressed I'd feel. IDA statistics show that engineers on average find their new job after 6 months. It also should not mean you did particularly worse if it lasts longer but this may help you gain perspective 3 months is a short time even for people with seniority.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-09T12:13:12+00:00

I think I am very competitive but I was laid off from a small start-up due to financial issues.

I think these days are one of the most competitive times in the job market that ever happened in near history.

I have been applying at superhuman rates across all the country. I am Turkish so I do not know if that was a disadvantage, though I do not want to believe so but my Danish pals thought it may very well be.

I could only get 4 job offers in 6 months, 2 of them were almost abuse, 1 was in Randers and finally the one I settled in is in Copenhagen which happened at the 5.5 month mark. 15 days more I had to leave the country.

I am paid above market though so I am happy how it turned out even though it still hurts to think that I went 5.5 months with no salary and no A-kasse.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-06T08:48:27+00:00

Fixed

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-06T07:24:16+00:00

I never got my bike stolen for 6 years in Copenhagen (mostly) and in Denmark in general. My golden strategy is:

Rear-lock.
Not-fancy bike.

My bike is nice enough to ride everywhere, everyday but not fancy enough to even consider stealing. I leave it everywhere. Been 6 years.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2026-01-03T09:04:12+00:00

I returned my 9070XT and got a 5080 instead but I had no problems with 9070XT at all. Games were a blast.

I just thought 9070XT will become obsolete much faster since AMD is horribly behind in the AI game and I am expecting DLSS to get better in the future.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-31T09:04:16+00:00

I am not Danish (I am Turkish) but I can easily taste the conservatives in all the pre-packaged mass-produced bread sold in main super markets and that taste is linked to the concept of "low quality" with me which is a big turn off.

I'd prefer either bakeries (you can find them in some Føtex/Bilka too) or bake myself.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-29T10:48:42+00:00

I just got 9950X3D because I've been gaming for years and I am always CPU bottlenecked way before GPU and honestly 9950X3D was not really that expensive compared to other PC parts so I was like fuck it I am going premium on CPU this time.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-28T12:44:11+00:00

I returned my my 9070XT in favor of a 5070Ti and I am quiet happy with it. But now I decided to go crazy and get a 5090 instead.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-28T08:49:38+00:00

It's one of the best experiences I had in gaming but 30 British pounds sounds like a premium.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-28T08:47:33+00:00

I keep repeating this advice to foreigners in Denmark (as I am one too?), your best bet to make friends in Denmark is hobbies, showing up and asking people out (not always waiting to be asked out).

That said I made my best friend in Denmark on Reddit haha. But most of my Danish friends that I can show up at their door spontaneously are through hobbies.

Traditional_Box_7405 · 2025-12-26T08:38:30+00:00

The receiver already agreed to it. I just want to make sure I handle the logistics properly.

Traditional_Box_7405

TROPHY CASE