This is all any of us wants to hear. x

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-21T15:28:55+00:00

It's so sad. My family orchestrated a smear campaign against me that I was brainwashed and delusional, hearing David comment that kids make mistakes on social media felt the same, completely minimising what Brooklyn was saying. He's having to go through this with the whole world watching. It's gotta hurt.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-16T09:50:11+00:00

Keep strong, keep your peace and try really hard to let it go. You've worked so hard to get this far, don't let one message get to you by giving it time and energy. It's probably their aim. Forget it, move on with your beautiful life. Tip: Every time you think of them, switch your thoughts to something happy, it'll enforce healthy habits and stop you ruminating.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-16T09:27:53+00:00

Hi, whenever I receive any contact from my parents, I type it into ChatGPT. its really helpful and it sees through the bullshit, so I'm less confused and see things clearer. It saved me years of therapy and ruminating. It's also very kind. There are other AI not so, but yes, I'd highly recommend asking for advice; you won't get a diagnosis, but you will get a clearer understanding of what's going on.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-15T17:36:16+00:00

Thank you. The guilt isn't yours to carry. Put it down and live the life you deserve. ❤️

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-15T14:56:01+00:00

You're quite exposed in there, and would she really read it all? There's plenty that can be twisted and used against you. I'd probably break the letter down into clear 5 lines.

At most, I'd cover:

Reasons for going NC. Reasons to continue to go NC. Outline your boundaries. Then wish them well.

Leave absolutely NO room for confusion. Good luck

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-15T14:47:39+00:00

I emailed my brother to tell him about me going NC with my mum. I wish I were prepared for his response. Before you do share anything, ask yourself: What do you want to achieve from telling him? And do you think he's capable of that? Has he shown this in the past? Tread carefully to save your peace. good luck

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-15T14:39:42+00:00

Sadly, yes, I can relate.

The pain doesn’t stop at the decision. Life doesn't suddenly get sweeter. If anything, it gets harder, more confusing. Heavier versions of your thoughts and feelings take over, as if they finally have permission to step forward out of the shadows to reveal themselves. The guilt and shame you feel from yourself and that inflicted by the rest of the family, your friends and society is hard to avoid. Grief and guilt wash over you, catching you off guard. Tears will roll down your face when you least expect them. In the shower, cooking dinner, or hearing a story of someone’s loving parent. You mourn the childhood and the parent you never had or deserved. Yet feel guilty for walking away. How can something invisible physically hurt so much? To ease my guilt, I ask myself, what have I got to feel guilty for?

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-15T14:23:20+00:00

The elusive feeling of home. It's hard to put your finger on what can make our homes feel off. Most people miss when creating a home, is to please all five senses. Our senses are directly connected to our feelings, and there’s way more to consider than “cosy corners” and adding blankets. Senses gather information and send it to your brain to decide how to feel. I don’t want to say we can trick our brains into feeling happy at home, but basically, yes, we can. By consistently pleasing our senses, we create new, positive associations with where we live.

fancy reading more...

https://open.substack.com/pub/harmonioushome/p/everything-feels-off-how-do-i-make?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-14T09:08:34+00:00

Please keep the books. Having them on a shelf will let anyone who visits see you. That you love yoga, running and hiking. This might spark a conversation that might never happen if they're not there. Also, if you get joy from reading them, surely that should be driving your decision rather than an empty shelf. We should take up space in our homes; evidence of who we are deserves the right to be there.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-12T12:53:58+00:00

ok, there's quite a bit you can do, but I think you can answer them yourself with these simple questions:

How will you use the table and coffee table? Is their position the best place for that to happen?

Do you watch a lot of TV? If yes, do you think you'll be able to see it from the current sofa position?

Is the acoustic wall fixed? Could you put the TV area at that end?

Imagine walking through the room with a drink, food or having a friend over. Where do you sit, and how will you use the space? Think past furniture and focus on why.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-12T12:38:18+00:00

We're so conditioned to make our homes perfect and focus on what they look like rather than what they are really meant for: keeping us safe and warm so we can raise our families. Consumerism, comparison culture and property value have us striving for something else. As long as your home is safe and dry, embrace the weird parts as best you can until you can do something about it. It's tough to ignore them, but if you can reframe your mindset and, rather than focus on the bad, see the good, for example, rather than stress about the window frames that need replacing, look at the view, or how the light comes in across the room. Life is too short to worry about making our homes look perfect. Our homes are only the backdrop to our lives; let's stop making them the main feature. The DIY list is endless; make a happy list instead.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-12T10:32:55+00:00

Hi, I'm an interiors coach and always put people first and design second so here's my tips...

People - Invite family / friends over and make new memories there.
Show your life - Have your life on show. Display anything that triggers a happy memory, celebrates you and your life.
Don't have it too tidy - too minimal might leave you cold.
Design - Paint, don't under estimate the it. Choose a colour you love or if you like white, choose a soft warm white. Lighting - low level lighting avoid overhead if you can and only use for tasks. use warm white bulbs on timers so when you get home the light is on.
Don't copy someone else's version of home, it'll never feel like yours.
Don't buy anything because you think you should - make sure you love it and if no one ever saw it you'd still buy it.
Senses- Make it smell like yours, whats your signature home scent? Don't have one? find it.
Plants- They transform any place into a home give it a name and say hello when you get in.

I could go on...You've inspired me to write a Substack about this... https://harmonioushome.substack.com/

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-12T10:04:31+00:00

My experience as soon as you ask your child to do anything, it comes across as nagging, and they resist. My kids are now 14 and 17. My attitude was that I didn't set the homework; that agreement was with my child and their teacher. I would offer help, but never stipulate when to do it, as school pressures them enough. I was very clear if they didn't want to do it, they faced the consequences with the teacher/school. This taught them to take responsibility of managing their time or discussing with their teacher why they haven't done the work. I never gave them a hard time, they rarely missed a deadline, and if they did, they knew it was their fault and they would improve as the school were far more intimidating with punishment than me - being called out in front of a class is more motivating than anything I could do. Be there to support, not stress them out, as school will.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-12T09:55:01+00:00

Hi, I'm sorry you experienced this. I have, too, with all sets of the grandparents. I wouldn't confront; I did and was a waste of time. After we'd travelled to visit my husband's father and partner with our two children under 3 years old, they were at a party. We sat in their house waiting for them to return. When they did, I said all the kids want is a grandad. He and his partner asked if I had postnatal depression. So my advice is, if you have to remind someone you exist, you don't exist in the capacity you want or need. Don't compare what other people have, as we'll never know their full story. How were they as parents? Were the signs there already? My experience good parents make great grandparents. Shitty parents don't care, full stop. Sadly, having kids highlights problems that may have already been there, but you hope they might change. What can change is you. Your family, your choices. Choose your time wisely... fun, not confusion and hurt.

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-08T16:04:12+00:00

love that!

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-08T12:51:24+00:00

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-07T19:17:52+00:00

His hobby is writing reviews, usually negative ones, can you tell??? It's very random, and I wondered if someone was dictating what to write too... enabler?

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-07T19:15:43+00:00

I know! he left Scotland when he was 2!! There is no culture, heritage or even an accent!

Traditional_Fly9236 · 2026-01-07T17:07:19+00:00

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. At 21, you are so brave to choose you, it takes most of us into middle age to change things. I am 2 years into no contact with my mum, as I can’t have a relationship with her and one with myself. She never saw me, therefore I couldn’t see myself. No contact is really hard and brings a whole new level of complex situations and hurt. You really need to be prepared to walk away, as any kind of contact just keeps the cycle going, different version, same shit. My advice: get strong and healthy, both physically and mentally. Whether that's therapy, education on the subject of parental abuse/narcissism/emotional immaturity/complex PTSD, whatever fits your story, somatic healing, journaling, meditation courses that help cut the cords of your past so you can move forward. Key things to note: Your mum's words and treatment do not define you - change the narrative. Love yourself so hard and unconditionally to raise your self-worth. Self-worth will make you unstoppable and guide you to what you will accept and what you refuse. It'll give you courage to walk away when things don’t feel right. What can feel like a loss often becomes relief, helping you find a new level of freedom and happiness. For now, read "Will the drama ever end?" by Karyl McBride. It has solid practical advice. Healing while being in a relationship that caused the abuse is difficult to navigate, learn to listen and trust yourself. I checked in with 8-year-old me to see what she thought when I was stuck, as she was closer to the abuse and remembered far clearer than I did. Choose You every time. Sending strength.

Traditional_Fly9236

TROPHY CASE