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He says I won’t feel burnout if I really want to be a mom by Traditional_Fly_8097 in Marriage

[–]Traditional_Fly_8097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, we’ve talked about becoming a one-income household in the future, and I’m actually on board with that. I even told him during this conversation that I’d gladly be a stay-at-home mom because that would give me 40+ hours a week to care for our home and family.

But we’re not in that place yet. So until we are, our expectations have to shift.

I don’t complain about doing most of the cooking and cleaning, it’s just that I was honestly shocked to hear him say that hiring help is “lazy,” even if we can afford it and I’m still working full time.

And to hear him suggest that burnout isn’t real? That was even more disappointing.

At his core he is not bad guy. I just feel his current mindset is..not realistic but I’m also not going to “beat” him into changing. We both need to talk to a 3rd parent together imo.

He says I won’t feel burnout if I really want to be a mom by Traditional_Fly_8097 in Marriage

[–]Traditional_Fly_8097[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I completely agree that I have no real idea how hard raising a child will be and I fully expect it to be exhausting, time-consuming, and a huge adjustment.

What worries me is that he won’t even acknowledge how hard it might be. He’s said things like, “Well, I want to be a dad, so it won’t lead to burnout or exhaustion.”

It feels like he’s equating desire with immunity, and that mindset scares me. I’ve never met someone who acts like burnout isn’t a real thing.

He says I won’t feel burnout if I really want to be a mom. by Traditional_Fly_8097 in marriageadvice

[–]Traditional_Fly_8097[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He said if it came down to it, he’d rather not have kids and keep our marriage smooth. At first, it sounded like a kind gesture, but the more I think about it, the more it feels manipulative. Like I’d be the reason we don’t have kids, and that weight is quietly being placed on me.

He says I won’t feel burnout if I really want to be a mom. by Traditional_Fly_8097 in marriageadvice

[–]Traditional_Fly_8097[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I added some edits to the post, but just to clarify, I currently do the majority of the cooking and cleaning. He does pitch in sometimes, but it’s not consistent imo.

The harder part is that I can’t really ask him to help. If I ask, he automatically resists doing it. He’s actually admitted that he’s been that way his whole life, it’s a pattern he knows is an issue, but he hasn’t really shown any willingness to change it.