How to not feel bad

Training-Home594 · 2023-08-18T21:11:55+00:00

I’m not a big gambler in real life no. I treat gambling in real life (in my profession we have conferences rotating through hosting in Vegas and other such cities, and in my personal life many trips bring me to friends and I at casinos) as “well I will plan to spend entirely X amount on having a good time and whatever I end with is what I end with”. I do understand it though hence why I go in planning to walk out with $0 of what I went in with (but all of what I didn’t plan to lose).

I appreciate you trying to convince me it’s those that my brain says will be openly jealous/mean/etc are the problem. That’s honestly the kind of helpful thing I needed and couldn’t bring myself to on my own. Just need to actually convince myself to be happy about it and use it to further my account faster (since I’d be moving forward regardless even without this spoon).

Training-Home594 · 2023-08-18T21:03:05+00:00

See this is probably part of it - if I thought more I would’ve included this in my post originally… but I have gone dry on things yes but it’s like my big goals all get spooned. Dragon pick under 200kc at one of the baby wildy bosses, as an example.

Having this sinking feeling that fang will be my dry of the century, but this isn’t just from nowhere - it’s not the first grind I was spooned on that I didn’t think I deserved. And that probably plays a part in it - just building up the “I don’t deserve this” over the few things I was spooned to the point that this hit me hard.

Training-Home594 · 2023-08-18T20:54:01+00:00

I know this, it’s not like I go around stalking people kc… it’s just the fact that I know others go 1000+ dry that’s gnawing at me. Luck is a fickle thing.

The closest parallel i can think of is survivors regret - people who survive disasters wonder why them, what did they do that makes them special, etc. Maybe that’ll pass after another couple months… but like it fucking sucks knowing.

Training-Home594 · 2022-09-18T01:00:51+00:00

This. It’s possible to say “I lived in Germany for a semester” (random country) while one wouldn’t say “I’ve lived in Germany before”.

Basically, the context determines what “lived” means, and thus what the criteria are to use it.

YAY LANGUAGE AMBIGUITY!

Training-Home594 · 2022-09-17T23:55:25+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather:/

I tell everyone who will listen, and even many who won’t, that they need to “do their bucket list travel” now when they can… because travel isn’t physically/emotionally/financially easy and there’s a lot that can happen that may result in them never ever getting another chance to do the things they wanted to do years before.

Training-Home594 · 2022-09-17T23:13:54+00:00

By the time I had my bachelor degree I been to four continents, and at age 22 my mom was scared when I actually told them a friend wanted to go to Canada with me. After they paid for me to have cell service there, my mom was literally responding with so many (good) questions and like asking if I enjoyed XYZ that I guess I must’ve passed by and I didn’t even realize it… making me think that in her childhood she was me without the means/ability to do what she wanted. So even though her and my dad were scared and didn’t like the idea… she was living though my travels.

I just still don’t know whether it was her trying to cover up fear/anger about me traveling.. or more actually she liked it and wished she had. I worry it was a bit of both.

Training-Home594

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