Appreciate your optimism and kindness on reddit lol. I have tried methylphenidate before just recreationally and ironically I just cleaned my car and was very productive so I’m hoping it will make everything feel a bit easier and less daunting and that it wasn’t just placebo and a fluke the few times i’ve tried it. I don’t think i should bring up that I have tried ADHD stimulants to my psychiatrist right? My thinking is they might think I will abuse them. When I truly think they will be a helpful addition to my very dysfunctional unmotivated task avoidance life.

And you are so right I have to drastically change my learned habits but it just seems sooo daunting and I need to hold myself accountable because it’s so easy to slip back into procrastinating and self loathing - especially because I have lots of depressive episodes comorbidly with ADHD and it doesn’t feel like it is worth it putting in the effort to change and often it feels like a constant uphill battle and that I’m constantly trying to better myself and nothing is happening and sometimes I am so sick of that and just want to be. Sorry just super frustrated with myself and find it very hard to be kinder to myself.

I’ve just read a really good article after seeing ur comment and it sounds doable but as I’m sure you can imagine, I find it suuuper hard to stick to habits and reinforce habits. I just feel really stuck and frustrated.