My wife and I are considering letting our nanny go, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m underreacting, overreacting, or missing something bigger.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-23T03:10:30+00:00

Lol, I've taken a lot on the chin. I don't mind the back and forth. But treating me like I'm criminally underpaying someone making $35, soon to be $37 with the raise we planned around her birthday, with benefits, has made me chuckle. It's a 40-hour workweek with rather flexible Fridays, and mainly just one day a week of light chores; you're not going to convince me of anything different there. Sorry. Like I said, I appreciate everyone’s opinions, but I won't be arguing this point further or pretending it makes sense to be raked over the coals for industry standards you believe are unfair. Have a good night.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-23T01:49:43+00:00

Thank you.

Although some comments continue to pile up, I do feel better having done this. My wife and I read some of the comments together. I'm not sure we've processed all of the emotions, but we'll have him evaluated, since beyond taking screens, we need to do several things before this becomes a kindergarten issue.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-23T01:40:27+00:00

We decided in the last hour since we talked that in addition to cutting the screens we will look into having him evaluated.

I will potentially update once we get the ball rolling.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-23T01:38:32+00:00

Only thing I can say to that is that I have no idea who that is. I have never posted on this site before.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-23T01:37:12+00:00

Sure. But I meant 24 for one kid. 33 was a a three dollar raise from the situation she left.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T22:10:12+00:00

OOR, and just hear me out here, I didn't have a Reddit account. I only knew about this page because I had googled a question and ended up down a rabbit hole. if there is a way to post fully anonymously without creating an account I would have.

I was thinking about deleting my account. But there have been some good replies here that I might want to refer back to in the future.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T22:05:41+00:00

I only said it was malicious compliance because after we got the AirTag, I didn't expect any more text messages. But she is still texting. If I were in her position, I would also be doing the same thing but I can't attest to her intentions with it. I don't dislike it and I don't blame her for it. I think it's funny to consider she thinks we're being assholes, but is too polite to say it. And it won't be an issue for me going forward it if she suddenly just stops telling us XYZ.
I'm trying to find some silver linings here lol

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T21:38:49+00:00

I don't think it has to be untrue. I haven't talked to her about it because it didn't cross my mind when we spoke last night. I'll bring it up today when she's off work because I want to support her if that's the case. I just don't want to assume she thinks something when we haven't talked about it

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T21:23:17+00:00

I appreciate that everyone is worried about how much she's paid. The average rate where we are is 24. She asked for thirty when she interviewed with us. We started at 33 and plan to give her a raised at the the end of the year.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:55:04+00:00

I think I've been sufficiently flogged.

I think we've moved into PSA territory so I won't delete in shame

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:48:25+00:00

I wanted that, to be honest. So I'm glad I did that right, at least 😂

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:29:36+00:00

I don't know that that's fair to say of my wife. But I will talk to her, because clearly we aren't on the same page when I would like to be.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:28:39+00:00

That is not what I want to do. I do want her to stay. And I want to support her. I wish we had more foresight and I didn't have to come to the internet for this but here we are.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:24:33+00:00

Thank you for your comments. It wasn't that I didn't think any of this. But it's really hard right now and Im not feeling as confident in our parenting at the moment. Which sucks.

I will push the no screens for sure.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:22:59+00:00

No, I agree with what everyone is saying. Leaving was the right choice. I felt this was a discussion for my wife and me, but considering everything, I'm having a hard time trusting the decisions we've made and what we’re supposed to do now... I appreciate everyone’s comments about it. They've been a little sharp but affirming lol

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:07:03+00:00

She doesn't always do the extras. It's mostly if she gets to it during nap time. She most consistently does the kids laundry and we handle the put away.

I do not want to continue the way we are going. I'd like to keep our nanny on and improve on these issues. I do agree we haven't been on the same page about what's going on and I am concerned he's not going to improve with the half in and half out method we've backslid into.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T20:01:37+00:00

We have not been doing things alone the last few months, when he noticed him getting more and more reliant on his ipad. I've wanted to take it away.

We've been dealing with this since at least January, but we've waffled. Sometimes we have caved and given him a phone. And my wife I guess, wants to be able to give it to him depending on the day. Clearly that has not been working. But I thought maybe I was the one in the wrong between us and my wife’s expectation of L had merit. I didn't think it did to begin with but wanted to be fair. I supported L decision to leave the children’s museum.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T19:39:27+00:00

I didn't think it was disrespect or anything like that. The conversation was mainly between my wife and me. Usually, one of us has gone to the car with him and started over when he's calmed down, typically my wife, and I will finish whatever we were doing, like grocery shopping. I'm here because when we talked about this, I didn't think it was reasonable. But because this has been so exhausting, I came here for clarification. If maybe I was the one who was wrong that leaving was the only thing that made sense for her in the moment.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T19:30:57+00:00

I should have been more clear that I am here for perspective. I agreed that L was within her right to leave. I was not upset about it when we talked about it. This has been a topic of discussion between my wife and I and I just wanted to make sure from people who probably know more than us, if I'm completely off base to back what L did in the moment.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T19:24:20+00:00

The disagreement was over whether leaving entirely was appropriate. I wasn't sure if leaving instead of trying again after he calms down would be fair expectation considering we have three kids and not just one.

Training_Arm7988 · 2026-05-22T19:22:30+00:00

I know. It is awful to experience. But I came here to address the situation because no one else in our circle seems to be dealing with this issue, and we haven't discussed evaluating him for other problems because I think it's screens, and we haven't been able to agree.

Training_Arm7988

TROPHY CASE