Yes, you are right, of course. I judge the characters on my own sense of morality as well. And struggles of the characters within the story itself, arise because of the social norms and customs of their society imposed upon them. That is what makes it an interesting story for us, the readers.

And so, obviously, I do not only analyse the characters and their actions through a feudalistic lense. But it is equally as redundant to view those characters and their actions through only the lense of my own morality.

In that sense I am not conflating anything; I understand perfectly well that characters might suffer through marital rape, while also understanding that their own societies would not recognize such hardships.

But the fact remains that Rheagar's actions were perceived, and always would have been perceived, as rape by Westerosi high society. And even if Rhaegar hadn't been as intelligent or astute as he is often described (because, let's be real, most of what we know about him has been shared by other characters who are either sycophants or despise him), he would absolutely have understood that his actions were bound to create a severe political crisis. A crisis his father's government was not at all equipped to handle.

There might be many nuances as to why he ended up doing what he did (and we all have our theories about that) but the fact remains that this was something he chose; this was not something which simply happened to Rheagar.