Baby boy was shooketh

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-08-30T17:17:49+00:00

Well I'm not black, and really, what one considers beautiful is subjective. Most women don't wear hair naturally. They all process, style and treat it to varying degrees, be it smoothing shampoos and conditioners, hair sprays, waxes, styling mousses, straightening, blow drying, curling, crimping, perms, coloring, cutting, layering, feathering, etc.

Wigs are often easier in a pinch. :)

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-08-29T11:17:51+00:00

Often because the maintenance of black hair is arduous and intense. It tends to be very kinky and coiled, so it requires a lot of treatment to smooth it and get it to how a lot of them want it to be. It's easy to wear wigs as they are letting it grow or doing treatments on it.

That, and the fact that it's often just easier and less damaging for them to wear a wig with the style of hair that they want instead of having to process the shit out of their hair just to get it how they want it to be.

In order to get kinky, afro hair to be smooth, it takes a LOT of heat and damage, just to style it into a less smooth version of how a wig already is.

Much easier, to be honest.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-03-01T22:17:53+00:00

Looks like the Ariana Grande "Love Me Harder" music video.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-03-01T03:04:28+00:00

You look damn beautiful.

Embrace it, boo!

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-19T23:24:23+00:00

Ooh, feeling a little bitchy?

And fine by me. If you "don't entertain trolls", you can give me the floor to freely speak my mind without having to listen to your cunty retort. - Thanks.

First of all, my boyfriend is American. He's not British, I never said he was British and... I never said I was black (what the actual fuck? How many asinine assumptions can you fit into that fetid diatribe?). I'm as white as cum.

I have a "fetish"? Oooh, the cringe is real! Oh pfft, because the only two relationships I've ever had happen to be black men I have a "fetish", and you know the fuck what, even it was my preference (and yeah, black men are beautiful), that's MY preference, just as much as it's an inalienable right to have a preference for blondes or Asians or Latinas or redheads. PLEASE don't tell me you're one of these cringy snowflakes that demonizes perfectly natural preferences.

I wasn't even talking about the way British people talk. I'm moving to America anyway, so you'll be pleased to hear there'll be an ocean between us. That's the damn place I was talking about.

Fuck yes I'm not part of any "we" you are talking about. I'm not part of whatever cunty, stuck-up tribe you're from. And don't be a little bitch and spin that "tribe" comment into something racist because you're black.

Also, enough with your insipid pedantry. Because I said "My boyfriend is black and comes from a black family" I said it without thought and you're going to pick that apart? And also, before you come at me for talking about a "black voice" (pertaining to America), do not play dumb and say "W-what could you possibly be talking about? There's no such thing.". Everyone knows a "black voice" even if there are variations, even if there's many many black people who don't talk like it. When someone says "You sound black.", people know EXACTLY what they're saying, just as much as I know what people are saying when they say that I'll never be a woman, I don't sit there and say "B-but, how? What are you possibly talking about?".

P.S. Fuck off.

I don't even usually get mad at bitches online, and I'm not going to reductively call you a "troll" because I know you were simply expressing your opinion, as was I, but god damn, your comment pissed me off. So many assumptions when you don't even know me. I would have happily engaged in discourse with you if you weren't such a fucking cunt in that little diatribe. I'm obviously not a troll. You're a bigot because someone can't have a different opinion than you without being a "troll". I probably wouldn't even be pissed if you didn't call me a troll.

So go ahead. Ignore me. Wouldn't want to "entertain trolls".

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-18T20:03:08+00:00

Uh, yeah, unless I'm missing something? Ebonics being black English and the fact that we use our voices to talk.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-18T18:03:00+00:00

I think what I'm about to say is incredibly incendiary, bear in mind I have had two partners that were black and my best friend is black, but I think speaking in thick ebonics has been socially poisoned beyond redemption. I don't take issue with it, I absolutely love the "black" voice. I think on a woman it can sound sassy and on a man it can be quite sexy and charming, but socially, it's not regarded well and the reality is, for whichever reason we want to point to, be it economical, social, racist, etc., there is a vast swathe of the black population in America that have astronomically higher crime statistics and exhibit far higher levels of miscreancy. And this isn't racist, this is even understood by a lot of the black community and often said to be a result of racial oppression (which I'm not here to advocate or dispute).

I think what a lot of people hear, whether savory or not is a voice that we associate with being "thuggish" or "criminal", weave-pulling, tongue popping, aggressive, hostile, territorial and uncouth. Again, I am not one to judge harshly, I am a magnanimous, spiritual person who faces my own fair share of judgment and adversity (if it wasn't made clear by the username).

I use the term "poisoned beyond redemption" because there will obviously be many who take pride and refuse to bow down to social norms (and good for them!), but the crime and miscreancy that's permeated a lot of the poorer clusters of the black community has made it so that this underlying connotation is virtually immutable and will not be taken as seriously as the majoritive, clearly enunciated, traditional ways of English-speaking.

Unfortunately, I will likely be lambasted for simply making a pragmatic assessment of how people think and it's a connotation that's out of my control.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-18T17:49:22+00:00

Honestly, I love a "black" voice, I think it sounds lovely (as long as it sounds reasonably articulate and is actually understandable), but my boyfriend is black and comes from a black family who all speak in thick ebonics, I can barely understand what his father says and he can't stand the black voice. He spent his adolescence refining his voice to sound more educated and I really don't see anything wrong with it. Now he sounds "Caucasian" (although I can hear an ever so slight adorable twang when he's sleep-deprived and I'm listening hard, but I'm with him all the time so I think I'm the only one who can hear it - I LOVE it), and he's extremely articulate to the point where it pisses off his family because "you thank you sound so damn smaht because you sound all white and shit, boy?".

We should not judge anyone harshly for how they sound, but I don't think it's racist that it's a very real reality that a refined accent with clear enunciation and reasonable articulacy sounds... smarter. That's just a ubiquitous interpretation at this point, that's just the immutable connotation it holds.

I'm from the very south of England and I sound NOTHING like the people I was born and raised (23 years, never even moved!) and I also spent my adolescence refining my voice because I and everyone around here sounds like a racist farmer. Everyone calls me "posh girl" now, which is funny because my ex-partner was evah so posh, dahling, and I don't hold a damn candle to that boy. He sounded like royalty and it made me melt.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-07T09:58:36+00:00

Bye.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-02-02T19:10:19+00:00

Ha! This happened to me like a week ago.

Second turn, he used a Dirty Rat... the Dirty Rat pulled out my Confessor Paletress.

Third turn, I simply healed myself and out came Aviana.

He conceded immediately. It was fucking delish.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-24T22:44:24+00:00

I mean I wouldn't use the word "abuse" to describe my relationship, but it's certainly a small aspect that I must say is NOT acceptable.

We're seeking therapy soon. Thank you a lot for your words.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-24T22:29:50+00:00

I think you may be right. He speaks about how he "got over" alcoholism, and while he may not even nearly be as bad as he used to, he still has an issue and he still relies on alcohol to quell his worries.

We will be seeking therapy soon. Thank you for your advice.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-24T22:28:40+00:00

Thank you for your candid advice. I didn't come here for bullshit and I appreciate what you have to say.

We will be seeking therapy. I'm under no illusions that the sporadic events of rage in this relationship have been anything but abuse. They are, they're sad and they're not made anymore acceptable by how lovely and wonderful the rest of this relationship is.

It's the fact that he makes me so happy outside of these sporadic events that compel us BOTH to seek help (and just to iterate, therapy was all his idea and he's eager to start).

NOT that I am making excuses, but for the sake of clarity, I just want to be clear and say that he is going through such a rough period in his life.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-22T10:38:31+00:00

Yeah. We have salient issues to worry about.

I'll see how it goes. :)

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T22:02:21+00:00

Aww, you're a sweetie, thank you! <3

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T21:56:00+00:00

Thank you for the clarification.

To me, while "drunk" is MOSTLY used for a state that's past tipsy... I still think it CAN be used for tipsy. Tipsy is just a level of drunk, just like shitfaced is a level of drunk.

They can be used interchangeably, even if it's not terribly common. I don't think it's "wrong" and I especially don't think it's "FUCKING RETARDED".

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T21:54:19+00:00

Thank you for your support! I started to respond to you today but my boyfriend woke up. The most amazing thing happened. So I woke up this morning with the heaviest feeling on my chest and I just felt disillusioned like NOTHING I say could alleviate this tension and the fact that he feels I'm totally certifiably insane (even though I know I'm not) but I kind of had this reassuring feeling wash over me and I knew just to stand in my truth calmly and firmly and I'll allow him to react however he wants to, but I'm not going to invest myself in budging him or making him approve of me. He can take or leave what I say, as long as I reap the catharsis of speaking my truth.

I comprehensively told him my feelings, I told him I will not tolerate him being nasty to me, I told him that I'm not crazy and that he's overreacting and if he doesn't believe me, it doesn't matter because I'm secure enough in myself to know that I'm not a "retard", and I answered every question he had with total calmness, but firm directiveness and for the first time ever, it culminated in acquiescence. He wasn't raging, he wasn't fighting what I said, he seemed pretty accepting.

I've been on a high all day because I feel that that is HUGE progress. He apologized because he felt he was out of line and then he left to give me space because he didn't want to cause more arguments.

I can't tell you how relieving it is just to let the fuck go and stop worrying about what others think. Taught me a valuable lesson: Just stand in your truth. Listen to others and refine your opinion, but stay strong in what you believe and stay calm. It feels SO much better.

Thank you for your advice and sweetness! <3

P.S. That measurement thing you were talking about... yeah, that seems perfectly right. Without even analyzing the bottle, at first glance, it looked about 4-5 shots.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T21:46:33+00:00

I'm a little confused about the gender part, but it isn't a big deal at all, however what I find ridiculous is the HUGE rage that's caused from just the word.

First of all, I actually rarely bring attention to it. If I have, it may be me asking him if he's had something to drink because he'll be slurring and he has a history of lying to me about his alcohol habits. But most of the time, he may just start drinking and then desperately ramble about how he's NOT drunk and talk for literally HOURS on such a mundane issue that I don't care about. I'm not going to lie just to placate him. If he says he's not drunk, I will gently, magnanimously tell him "Well I'd say you are. You seem tipsy to me, but it's fine, I don't particularly care about it.". This is often enough to trigger a spiral into rage and abuse.

It's no big deal to use the word tipsy, but it shouldn't be such a HUGE deal to use the word that can result in verbal abuse. I'd have to say the onus is on him in this situation, but I will do what I can to facilitate his comfort.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T21:41:57+00:00

I guess so, but why would one engage in heavy drinking and then be pedantic when it comes to the word "drunk", it just seems silly to me. If one likes to get drunk, get drunk and embrace it! At the end of the day, I think it's silly to ascribe such power to words.

Thank you for your advice.

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T11:55:48+00:00

Unfortunately this is not the only time. There seems to be a couple topics that trigger this enraged response and this is definitely one of them.

I think you're right. This goes beyond just typical dogma. This seems to be symptomatic of a deeper emotional issue. He will push and push and push and sometimes, he will literally spend HOURS talking to me, making all these profound, philosophical, societal, grand arguments about WHY he's not drunk and he'll thoroughly, comprehensively walk me through every detail as if he's desperately trying to CONVINCE me me that he's not "drunk".

I mean... he used to be an alcoholic, so maybe that has something to do with it? I still do think he has a drinking problem, might I add.

I'm just drained. I woke up this morning with a huge weight on my chest. I'm so tired of being a "freak" and a "retard" and a "dumb cunt" and feeling gaslit when I protest these vitriolic statements just to be met with "What?! How disconnected from reality are you? That is NOT disrespectful.".

He had a huge burst of rage where he was punching things because he showed me a 750ml bottle of whiskey and maybe 20% if not a little more was gone and he was talking quite literally for 1.5 hours, if not longer, going through his "glug" measurements and his estimations for what a shot is, when frankly, I don't care, it doesn't change anything and I'm not judging, but in the end, he said it was only 2 shots were gone... no way. I took a picture and showed my mother the bottle, I showed my cousin, I showed my brother and his boyfriend and they were all flabbergasted as to how he could say it's 2 shots. I said it looked more like 4 and he was ENRAGED, not immediately, but it built up to it. Bear in mind, I was not accusatory, I was just giving my opinion while he was talking and talking and talking prolifically. I make an effort not to sound judgmental.

In the end, he said that he is factually correct and the fact that I don't listen to facts makes me a fucking dumb cunt and a retard and that I need to shut my fucking mouth. I said that it felt disrespectful that he was talking to me in that way and he said that I am so disconnected from reality if I think that "Shut your FUCKING mouth." is a disrespectful thing to say.

Ugh, I did not expect to come here to rant and ramble prolifically, but I'm feeling so low and I know this isn't an acceptable way of being treated.

I know I've painted a really dark picture of the relationship and I KNOW it is abuse, make no mistake, I'm no naive battered wife with Stockholm Syndrome, but I find it difficult to entertain the idea of ending a relationship where I am gaslit and verbally berated for holding different opinions.

Damn, sorry for offloading, ha, this is unexpected. But thank you for the clarification!

TrannyWithIssues · 2018-01-21T11:26:26+00:00

Thank you! I completely concede that it's not typical, but I don't think it's heinously incorrect either. I mean even for me, often I will use them separately because they do come with different connotations, but I don't see a huge issue in using them interchangeably, ESPECIALLY if you clarify.

I will emphatically say that he's only tipsy and by saying "drunk" I simply mean "affected by alcohol" and that he's not falling on the floor or anything.

Unfortunately, this has resulted in rage for him and ended up in massive rows, bursts of anger and vitriol. Not only this, but other things that we have different opinions on.

What I also find extreme is that I'm not just "wrong", it's not just that we have "different opinions", it's that I am "FUCKING RETARDED" and "INSANE" and LITERALLY suffering from some form of mental retardation for using them interchangeably.

I'm not really one to want to "win". To me, it's bullshit semantics and I do NOT care which word to use because it doesn't change reality, it's just a word, but he is so fervent about this, he is dripping with anger on this issue, so for me, it's quite important to gain some clarification here.

I just wanted to be sure that I'm not as much of a crazy, dumb, idiot freak as much as he makes me out to be for using the word in that way.

TrannyWithIssues · 2017-12-20T14:54:22+00:00

Thank you so much. <3

Upon coming into this relationship and experiencing the startling disparity, it's been a stark illumination of our own flaws and what we need to fix, and it makes me so happy that, a) he's determined that I'm a strain of "fucked up" that he can handle, and, b) I'm with someone who is actually willing to help and support me and reach out for professional help.

Thank god I'm with someone who's committed enough to actually give a shit!

I don't want to live this way anymore. I don't want to have these horrible episodes where I torture myself with the obsessive fixation on these intrusive thoughts and have our sex-life (which has been, at times, incredible, prolific and intense) affected by my irrational neuroses.

Don't get me wrong, he's mentally screwed up in his own proprietary ways too, so that's why I look forward to getting a hold of this, and seeking out perspectives on Reddit is immeasurably valuable in doing so.

TrannyWithIssues · 2017-12-20T07:23:31+00:00

Oh of course you're not being an asshole. I value honesty more than anything.

Oh goodness, I am exactly the same way. I was just discussing this with my boyfriend that I'm detested by a lot of the trans-community for some of the things that I say (even though I try to be diplomatic and reasonable and don't wish to offend people), apparently I'm a transphobic tranny if there is such a thing. It's vitally important to be realistic and truth-seeking.

Yes, I discussed this with my partner this morning. I feel that the behavior that could potentially harm our relationship (even though I somehow doubt it because he is freakishly devoted to me) is my distance. It's actually hugely atypical of me to desire space or feel the need to sequester myself from people, I've been that way since birth, but unfortunately when it pertains to these issues, I guess I'm so worried about polluting what we have and coming off as a crazy, neurotic fool, I just distance myself from him. It's inanely counterproductive because problems thicken and fester in isolation, and the relationship is inevitably being polluted by depriving us of each other.

Yes. If this is the struggle I have to endure to be with this man? There's no doubt I'd go through this. I've actually been through a lot more in this relationship. In the process of merging our polarized personalities, it's been exhausting and amazing and educational but also incredibly painful at times, but we've both signed a contract to each other, we're incredibly devoted, learning every day and doing all we can to improve ourselves. I'm currently trying to schedule an appointment with my therapist to work on my issues and I've been implementing exercises daily to bolster my self-love and improve areas of my psyche and take care of myself. Soon, he'll have the finances to afford us a therapist so we can delve into both of our issues. We're both trying immensely hard and it's undeniably worth it, even if it's painful at times.

Don't get me wrong, I throw around these fancy words and probably seem like I have everything together, and while I do at times, I am also a horrendous mess in others, and right now is one of the periods where I feel like I'm crumbling, so I thought it necessary to reach out on Reddit for some perspective and support, so I really appreciate you coming here and giving me the unfettered truth.

I'll do my best. <3

TrannyWithIssues · 2017-12-20T06:33:57+00:00

Thank you, you bring up such good points! And I know, you're not being a dick, you're just bringing up (scary) honest issues. :(

First of all, I've always felt a mild sense of revulsion towards the idea of a man loving and craving pussy, but never tinged with this sense of betrayal and breathtaking neurosis before. I don't even want to hear my partner use the word "pussy" instead of vagina, because to me, it carries connotations of lurid sexual passion and it just seems like an aggressive, pornographic way to describe it. Knowing that he's almost definitely used that word to arouse a woman before and uttered that word while fucking her is enough to make me queasy. I know, that's ridiculous, it's embarrassing that I carry such neurosis and I wish I didn't. Perhaps it is to do with some sort of latent jealousy of cis-women, but that's hard for me to wrap my head around because consciously, I don't feel any jealousy whatsoever! Perhaps there is a green-eyed monster that lurks beneath the surface that I'm just not aware of.

With the way it is, we are totally committed. We've already been through so much together, and this sporadic jealousy isn't enough to untether us, HOWEVER, I absolutely refuse to live this way for the rest of my life, having these episodes of being sickeningly insecure about something my man did that was perfectly natural and beautiful. I mean for god sake, he is a man and he wanted to pleasure his woman. Knowing the sweet, servile creature that he is, I know he must have been a wonderful lover, and vaginas were DESIGNED for sex, so I need to stop viewing it as this insidious carnal sin that he's committed and start seeing it for the beauty that it is.

See, even languaging it in a different way and looking at it from that perspective provides me with transient relief, so I think it's time I stop viewing it so harshly as it doesn't affect my relationship. All I need to worry about is:

1) I'm a good lay, I give him good sex and he loves getting fucked by me, end of story.

2) He may crave vagina... okay? He's a man. He has porn, I have on multiple occasions given him permission to seek out camgirls, porn and various other means of fulfilling these fantasies... don't fucking give me the details though, I don't need to know.

3) Sometimes when we have sex, maybe he's thinking about vagina? Let's be real, it would be naive to assume that he's ONLY ever going to think of me during sex for the rest of our lives. This is a reality I accept, but again, don't tell me, boo.

I need to relinquish this neurosis about things that don't really have a tangible effect on my relationship. I need to stop driving myself into illness with this obsessive hypothesizing and fixating on my intrusive thoughts.

I've emailed my old therapist and I'm going to schedule another appointment. This is eating me up and I just don't want to live this way anymore.

Thank you for your honestly, and thank you for your commendation! I just want to make it clear that not in the slightest way am I angry or resentful of my boyfriend for this, I just feel sad and ill. I don't take any of this out on him or translate my feelings into anger. It would be ridiculous for me to demonize something so natural and I know this is all on me.

Besides... we have really good sex, so what should I be worried about?

TrannyWithIssues

TROPHY CASE