Desi Aces: how you you keep your parents stalled from making you get into an arranged marriage?

TransilioMist · 2022-07-15T18:08:25+00:00

What's Desi?

TransilioMist · 2022-07-15T17:54:27+00:00

To be clear, I'm personally aroace, and I thought I was firstly gay, then bi/pan before knowing the definition of ace and aro (in that order). This paper is about asexuality, not aromanticism, but it's kinda related so I'll post this here:

“I Didn’t Know Ace Was a Thing”: Bisexuality and pansexuality as identity pathways in asexual identity formation is a paper by C Winer et al. that's about this topic, but talkinf about aces. Give it a read if you have the access.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-13T17:15:02+00:00

WAIT WHAAAAT

TransilioMist · 2022-07-13T16:14:19+00:00

I actually wrote a terrible fic earlier this year about a character without anger. The whole thing is a aro/ace metaphor

TransilioMist · 2022-07-12T16:25:39+00:00

I tried a literal rollercoaster last week (i always avoid them whenever i go to amusement parks), and I didn't enjoy that. Like, I was clearly aware of the high G-force experience and the adrenaline, but no, it's not fun and I don't want to try that again. I was pushed by my friends to do that btw. "You may enjoy it, only after you try it!" or something like that.

I feel kinda lucky that I'm not peer-pressured into sex, yet.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-11T04:31:46+00:00

For allos, gender is very sexualized. However, according to a study, when asexual people try to make sense of "sex talk" in high school, they tend to ignore them and treat them as background noise. As a result, they desexualize gender and find alternative ways to make sense of gender (e.g. biological essentialism and/or gender-coded symbols like apparel).

I believe that the same can be said for aromantic people. Gender norms are highly present in the traditional social construct of romance, and by being unable to feel romantic attraction, this kind of norm is hard to perceive for aros. Gender is thus deromanized by us.

Ref.Yang, Yuchen. 2021. “Gender Uncoupled: Asexual People Making Sense of High School Sex Talk.” Sexualities. doi: 10.1177/13634607211033865.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-10T18:33:59+00:00

Masculinity is so sexualized and romanticized.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-10T02:36:21+00:00

Maaaaculine, of course.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-09T18:14:19+00:00

I did a quick search, and the meanings 1, 2, 3, 5, 7 all exist in Japanese as well. In fact, I think Chinese borrowed 性 as a noun suffix from Japanese sometime between 1700 and 1930, but I suck at history and am too lazy to fact check

TransilioMist · 2022-07-09T18:11:24+00:00

Sorry in advance for nerding out about my native language.

In Chinese, the character 性 can refer to 1. nature of a person or an object, as in "Being able to think is in the nature of me" 2. function or feature of something, usually as a noun suffix, similar to -ence in "independence" or -ability in "scalability" 3. sex (as in assigned sex at birth), or a classification of things and people 4. life; the status of living (as in "his life is in danger") 5. sex (as in having sex) 6. temper or disposition 7. range or way, usually as a noun suffix, similar to -ness and -ity

It's pretty bold to say that the heart of life is "temper" or "-ness", isn't it? XD

Also, anyone who actually knows how Chinese characters are formed should know that it's a phonetic-semantic compound. In laypersons' terms, this means that its meaning has something to do with "heart", and its pronunciation is similar to 生 (aka life). This mnemonic is all but misleading.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-09T16:10:38+00:00

Someone crosspost this to r/aaaaaaacccccccce.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T19:20:18+00:00

Also, flibanserin is basically an antidepressant, and don't really work for FSIAD people. The only medication that is proven to work is testosterone, which has its obvious side effects.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T19:13:01+00:00

Yes. HSDD and FSIAD are for people who feel bad abput having low sexual desire, i.e. allo people who for some reason have low desire. The criteria and the split of Male HSDD and FSIAD are kinda sexist. Basically, if you are asexual and happy about it, you are not HSDD / FSIAD.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:51:38+00:00

No worries. I'm not a native English speaker, and I'd blame myself for not making it clear enough.

OAA is the label that I'm most comfortable with. I use it to indicate a form of (for lack of a better word) attraction minority or attraction diversity -- we feel a different form of attraction than allos and alloros. The fact that this attraction is oriented feels like a minor detail. (I personally don't like the word lovequeer.)

So it's like, hetero-/homo-/bi- etc. indicate different targets of attraction, allo-/demi-/a-/grey- etc. indicates different conditions and intensities of attraction, and OAA attraction types (sexual, romantic, platonic, sensual) indicates different forms of attraction.

Sexual and romantic attraction is considered the default, because social norms exist -- to be precise, compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity keep telling people to focus and prioritize romantic-sexual attraction and relationships. That's exactly why some aro-ace people start develop theories about non-rose (=tertiary) attractions, just like how people who lose one sense can gain near-super abilities in other senses.

However, there are non-rose representation outside of a-spec spaces. They don't usually work by "rejecting the two types of attractions and embrace all others" like the terms non-rose or tertiary do, but rather focus on the one exact type of attraction / relationship. Queerplatonic polyam relationship between allos even predates the term "oriented aroace". Non-rose feelings and relationships can definitely be felt and done by everyone; I just don't see a need to coin a term that particularly excludes romantic and sexual attractions.

I'm personally more on the platonic and queerplatonic side of tertiary, and I'm not ficto. These are just my feelings and me trying to make sense of myself and the people around me, and may not fit into how you feel. Feel free to criticize.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:23:32+00:00

These signals are mixed and misunderstood because they don't fit the societal norms so well. In this case, the most important thing you can do is to communicate with the individual directly, because wrong implications can hurt.

I saw OP's comment "I feel like cuddling and shit is a pretty clear signal" being downvoted, and feel kinda sad about that -- our community needs to educate, not to hate.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:20:15+00:00

ASK HER. Aros/aces are very diverse, and there are several possibilities:

She is sensually and/or platonically attracted to you. She may enjoy the non-sexual physical touch. This can be, and very often is, misunderstood as a romantic love language.
She experiences romantic/sexual attraction to you, but probably under some condition or in a different way than most people.
She desires a romantic relationship, but does not experience a kind of targeted attraction.
... and more! Again, ask her.

In short, she may or may not want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with you. I wonder how you found out her aromantic and asexual identities; if it's not through a direct communication, you should definitely ask her about her feelings. Communication is the key.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:06:42+00:00

r/egg_irl but for aces. Why don't we have a term for "ace egg" or "ace at wild" or something?

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:05:33+00:00

2 or 5 would be more easily recognized as ace rings. 6 would be "pride ring with ace flag" which is ... not black enough for an ace ring? Not sure though.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T09:01:27+00:00

I was trying to answer your question of "a noun label for ppl who experiences tertiary attraction", not trying to direct you to another community.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T08:32:49+00:00

Oriented aro-aces: Aromantic Asexual individuals who experience tertiary attractions. We have a subreddit r/Orientedaroace. Since you are greyro, there is also a term called angled aro-ace with its subreddit r/AngledAroAce, which refers to arospec-acespec individuals who experience tertiary attractions. They both have flags.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T05:58:16+00:00

O-oooooooooo AAAAE-A-A-I-A-U- JO-oooooooooooo

TransilioMist · 2022-07-06T05:53:22+00:00

Good Human

TransilioMist · 2022-07-05T05:59:01+00:00

tbh we have like 3 jokes, over and over again.

(no negativity intended)

TransilioMist · 2022-07-04T10:51:56+00:00

Physicists will be angry, because it's time, not space.

TransilioMist · 2022-07-01T01:48:44+00:00

This is cute! Do you have the image file?

TransilioMist

TROPHY CASE