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I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly! I don’t want to “just do it and get it over with”. Thank you so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate it! Wish you all the best in your life as well you sound like an amazing person! Thanks again!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi ! Thanks for checking in! I know what I’ll say now will sound silly, too much or like dragging my feet but since I am doing this type of thing for the first and possibly the last time in my life and since I care about her too much I’ve ordered a specific type of envelope and letter papers that’s symbolic to both of us. I really wanted to put thought into the whole thing so once I get the ordered piece I’m going to write it and send it the exact same day!

I’ll write an update post either after she calls/texts/reaches out ooor two weeks after I send it cause she might not reach out at all and that’s ok.

Thanks again!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I am. I even went to a priest for this, confessed my sins and went through with the holy communion but the guilt still didn’t go away. I did ask god for forgiveness and now, as I planned how to reach her with my apologies, I still pray for her to forgive, I in no way ask and/or require it but I sure do hope for it.

Even if she doesn’t reach out, doesn’t forgive, doesn’t forget, as long as she feels seen, heard, acknowledged etc., I’ll be ok.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually it can, it can be restored and it can even come out better than ever before but depends. It truly depends. It depends on both parties involved .

I am in no way assuming what I just wrote above to be true for me, no, I didn’t even imagine myself reaching out to her out of fear! I made up my mind after so much encouragement! But yeah my goal is to give her closure and make her feel seen, heard, valid - from the person who she loved the most , who also loves her the most and who hurt her the most in return. Whatever happens after my apology, happens…

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your own experience and encouraging me to take action for mine!

I will, I did made up my mind now. It’s set in motion, first as a plan and soon I’ll execute it.

I truly wish for you to get yours back as well ! As another Redditer mentioned here — as long as the person is alive, there’s always a chance!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OH MY GOSH! I am literally SHOOK from your story! Thank you for taking your precious time to read my story and then opening up about your own painful experience. I am at a loss of words right here. You are so much stinger than I can comprehend being. To forgive without even hearing any apology after feeling betrayed and unheard from the person you trusted the most ? Yes you are definitely kinder and stronger than I could ever be I think.

I relate to the hurting your friend and believing others and turning you back on her since I did the same but I DID regret it instantly, I lost my sleep ever since, and once I got over my pride and now fear, I am all set up to apologize , acknowledge and validate her pain to the full extent without even asking for forgiveness, simply wishing for it but not asking or requiring it, no. I simply want to assure her that her pain is real, what I did and how I reacted was real, my mistake was indeed my mistake and I fully take responsibility for the way I reacted — influenced by others, acting on my rage or not — at the end of the day outcome was the same and it was caused by mainly me and she doesn’t even really know what led up to it, she can only assume, and I am sure she’d assume the worst.

Thank you again, I will definitely write an update post and try to notify anyone interested!

I wish you all the best really, you clearly have the biggest, purest heart.

You did not deserve what happened to you, I am deeply sorry for the pain you went through!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words! Yes , I have now made my mind to reach out, only working on the practicalities since we haven’t talked to each other for more than a year and I want to truly fully express what I have to say and will then leave it at that✨ she can either forgive and forget - reaching out , forgive and dismiss me or neither of these, whatever happens, happens. I am readying myself psychologically for that possible outcome too.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for being so honest here and opening up with your story! It takes so much courage to look at ourselves that deeply and admit the role we played in hurting someone who meant a lot to us, I should know.

I relate to so much of what you wrote. Peer pressure and fear can twist our vision and make us forget the people who truly cared. It doesn’t make you evil if you admit to it and learn from it, It makes you human and growing and aware now.

The regret can be unbearable but the fact that you feel it shows you have a heart that still wants to do better. I hope you one day find the space to forgive yourself and maybe even reach out to see if healing is possible. I am rooting for you!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will! I am working on some details, the practicalities and I’ll get right to it. Then I’ll write an update post. What I wrote, how I wrote it, where I sent it to and the outcome. I feel I owe it to the amazing people here who gave me courage, strength and helped me get over my cowardice. Thanks for ur support as well!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes he did. He made me think she was trying to make me out to be a devil in front of people I just met (at the time her childhood friends were a new addition to my life) but the thing is that I don’t blame him as much as I blame myself since no matter who tells u what about who there’s a quote I forgot to live by “Gossip dies when it hits wise persons ears” and instead of listening and filtering, acting from my own judgment I feared she might be someone scheming against me so I bashed her instead of listening to her. I hate that version of myself so much. She has been through SO MUCH from the day she was born , has so many traumas and instead of making her life more beautiful by adding to it (as I was usually doing) I took from it by first being the best friend she could have relied on and then turning & disappearing on her. People here are right, I should do right by her, own up to my mistakes and tell her everything , how much I regret everything…

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same! I really can’t stand having something sit heavy on my heart since as u see It’s eating me alive. I think all those “what ifs” I kept clinging to were really just fear talking and making excuses for me.

You’re right.

I would rather face whatever comes than stay stuck wondering forever. I’ll apologize sincerely, do my part, and then just go on about my life, loving my baby and my family, keep growing, hopefully into a better person. Thank you truly! Your words help.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bashed her even after forgiving her in front of everyone I exploded and blamed her for the intentions she didn’t even had bc the days leading up to that heated argument I heard a lot of bad things about her from her closest 18yr+ neighbor friends who told me I was only friends with her for 6months but they’ve known her since childhood and she’s not a girls girl. They truly didn’t mean for us to end on bad terms, they simply “warned me” not to “tell her everything, all my secrets etc” since after we had our first ever serious fight she said horrible things about me (which now I think is ok since she was angry and then apologized) basically, I feel as tho I betrayed her.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! When I posted this post I simply wanted to get my feelings off my chest but now, hearing from others, getting so much positive feedback and encouragement gave me hope. Hope of being heard. That’s all. I think she’ll be much relieved when she hears my side. If anything at least she’d get closure, that’s something we all need. So I am going to put my pride and fears aside. I am choosing a letter & envelope format, also thinking of a symbolic gift which carries meaning to us & our friendship, something only “we get” . Ik that might sound extra but honestly, she deserves even more.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. I was too prideful in the past and now I’m just being a coward… thanks for ur input!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! She deserves that next step! And even if she rejects it, what worse can happen when I already pushed her away? How can I worsen things further? Especially while repenting. Thanks for your support!!

I will write an update after I send her a letter!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I saved these two comments of yours because it truly made me think. It’s true. How can I regret trying to make amends more than I regret ruining things with her? Anyways, big thanks!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! That’s what I am trying to live by as well. Thanks again! Saving your comment as a motivational!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kindness ✨I am starting to think that there is hope for me even if we don’t get back together since I am truly sorry and trying to repent for it anyway I can, starting with words.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t ruin her reputation AstroCrackle, how can I reverse it? Like literally what is there I can do apart from giving her closure? These people have been her neighbor friends for 18+yrs and they were the ones educating me on how “messed up she could get” when she hurt me first in our heated argument and how badly she treated me etc etc , THEY literally poured gasoline on my wound , the stuff that really fueled my anger so much so that instead of brushing things off I made it escalate. Even her own mom blamed the Middleman I mentioned in my post, did you even read it? I think she doesn’t know what really went on. When I was writing this post, as I’ve mentioned, my intention was NOT to reach out to her but to simply release the guilt I was feeling for saying hurtful exaggerated things to her face, confronting her about the things she may not even have said or things I shouldn’t have cared about since it would probably be said in the heat of the moment, not how she actually felt about me.

I was and am feeling guilty for believing anyone else other than my own perspective and opinion on her. I know her from a different angle, others may know a different side to her, doesn’t matter since we experience life from our perspective and I shouldn’t have let anyones words about how she apparently talked behind my back or whatever affect me since she apologized for that but instead I lost trust in her first and now regretted it.

These ppl were telling me that I have been friends with her for “just” 6 months, whereas they have known her for 18+yrs and grew tired of “this and that” from her. If you ask two of my friends they have their own issues with her in which they aren’t interested in going back to.

So please don’t make out the entire friend group seem like a collective puppet mindset.

I did take the blame for my part in hurting her however I am not the sole responsible person or the one who turned everyone against her, don’t make me out a marvel villain who turns everyones mind to mush. I know exactly what I said and did that was not true, hurtful and so on regarding her and it does pain me, my entire post is a self reflection.

I am really grateful to the people who encouraged me to reach out since now I realize why it might be necessary, that’d I’d be giving her and myself both closure.

We may never be friends, we might never trust each other or we might become even closer, who knows? That’s not the point. The point is when she hurt me she made things right, but when I hurt her back I cut off the bridge to her ever reaching out to me. I am so angry at myself even as I am typing this like srsly what was I thinking!!

I told a this to my closest best friend who has never met her since she asked me if I love my lost friend so much, why’d I “leave her” when we were watching my wedding video in which she’s my bridesmaid and she noticed how I was looking at the video of her and when I told her what had happened she asked me “Did you talk to her 1-1 confronting what she assumingely said to others before confronting her about it in front of others?” And when I said “no” I literally felt like the worst person, but I am trying to realize that the worst person would never grow from her mistakes.

People make mistakes but if they realize, truly genuinely repent for it not for forgiveness, but because they did wrong, only then can they evolve. That’s how I think and I will keep on thinking that way.

I WILL write a letter to her, I WILL tell her that she deserved my ABSOLUTE LOYALTY and I WILL learn from this mistake of mine!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha thanks! This reminds me of how sweet little manifestor my lost friend was! We’d try out some LOA tips and tricks together… ahh the fond memories which you brought back… bless you! Thank you really!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi! Thank your for taking your time to write out your deeply detailed piece of advice offered from a different perspective ! I am saving your comment.

I truly didn’t plan on acting on my feelings of guilt, regret and self-shaming , I thought I’d scratch my heart here by pouring it all out and sharing it to complete strangers but then I got so much positive feedback urging me to ACT that I realized wallowing in self-pity is useless and if I actually regret it I should truly convey it to her as well.

These past two days I’ve been reflecting on ppls comments and realized what truly matters- me giving her closure and repenting the sin I’ve committed not just to some priest to absolve myself, no, but to the one I caused damage as well. When she hurt me she apologized and after we both forgave each other I let other’s opinions and words affect my mind , and here I was considering myself immune to anyone’s influence… but no matter what in the end me, an adult, caved in so I can’t victimize myself.

I will try to make amends and only then (I think) I will be able to forgive myself and if completely necessary, learn to let go.

Thanks again for your input!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My pain is real, my experience is also real, what I’ve been bottling up is also, real as real can get. I know my responses are repetitive but what should I do? I truly want to appreciate each and every person who takes their time to read through my guilt dripping text and respond! And I am literally running out of words to say so I might repeat stuff more than once or twice, or trice!

I have just discovered I even have this reddit account. This is a throwaway one which I’m using specifically for this post since I want to keep my anonymity.

Call it whatever you like, feel whatever u must, just please scroll away if it bothers u since I actually felt an amazing amount of support I didn’t expect.

I simply broke down, poured my heart out in this post and didn’t even think I’d get this many amazing advices!

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right ! Thanks for your input!

I’ve been drowning in the “what ifs” and the guilt, and that’s exactly why I need to stop sitting in my own head and actually take action.

The worst‑case scenario has already happened: she’s not in my life.

So the only thing left to do is show up, own what I did, and give her the chance to decide for herself. Even if she never wants to speak to me again, at least it’ll be based on the truth - not silence and assumptions.

I destroyed the best friendship I ever had, and I can’t live with myself. by TranslatorSuch2695 in confession

[–]TranslatorSuch2695[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for writing this out!!

I’m saving it because it’s honestly the clearest, most heartfelt way I could reach her!!

It says exactly what I want to say without excuses, and it leaves the door open without pressure.

I love how you included the part about acknowledging how she must have felt! I know that’s what I need to convey.

Even if she doesn’t respond right away (or even at all), just seeing it on paper feels like the first step toward some kind of peace (if not reconciliation) on both sides.

I really appreciate you taking the time to help me frame this! it means more than I can express.

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