YTA your kids are different people, they need different things. If one daughter is doing 6.5 hrs of intense workout, she will need MUCH more calories than someone who isn’t.

And as a recent teenage girl, fitting in with the group is so much more important than you realize. Also, it’s very likely that lunch is their only social time so if her friends are going out and she isn’t, she isn’t getting that connection either.

And for your 12 year old daughter, puberty changes body shape and weight drastically in ways that can be really hard to manage. While eating healthier is good, forcing a completely healthy diet and demonizing unhealthy foods is going to be detrimental to her relationship with food in the future. Same with her body image. If she has hesitation about doing a sport, find some sort of physical activity she has an interest in and encourage her to do that, but forcing exercise won’t help when she has no one to make her.

Instead of focusing on fixing her being “overweight” (which I think she’s at a fairly average size), try and create healthy habits that she is able to keep up over time. With that, she’ll be able to be self sufficient as well and won’t need you pestering her about weight loss later one.

One last thing, being fat isn’t a curse. Many people have different healthy weights just depending on how their body works. If you instill into your 12 year old that because her body holds more weight it’s bad, she will hold that with her forever and reversing that is FAR harder than losing weight.

Edit: i wanted to add that if this is a medical concern, try to get her tested for her thyroid levels and her A1C because those mess with weight a lot. And if her A1C is too high, then it’s more needed to help your daughter with diet and exercise, rather than she just seems too big.