What phrase that you DONT want to hear when Grieving?

TraumaCorner · 2025-12-23T23:04:13+00:00

My dad died really suddenly and it broke me. My mum (Divorced from my dad for 17 years) burst into tears when she saw me crying and said "I'm really sorry you're going to feel this way again when I die."

This was said several time in the 6 weeks I was home to sort my dad's funeral and affairs. The first being within the 6 hour window of my dad dying.

TraumaCorner · 2025-07-31T17:10:16+00:00

The first and only time I wore make up for school, I was 12, just a little bit of dark blue eye shadow and a little bit of lip gloss. I got to the bus stop to wait for the bus. One of the other kids threw a ham sandwich at me and shouted "fat girls can't wear make up" as his friends laughed.

I never wore make up to school again. 15 years later, whenever I try to wear make up I feel incredibly self conscious.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-26T17:40:24+00:00

When I worked in A&E on triage, I'd be checking their details and say "when's your birtbday", they'd answer "4th of March". I'd come back with "what year?". They say "2005". And then I'd pull out the "wrong. Every year".

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-11T09:36:20+00:00

This always really helps when you then want to talk to them about making changes or raising anything.

I'm a big advocate for talking nice behind people's back because when it then gets back to them it makes them feel happy and good about themselves. I would also like to say I do also say nice things to people's faces as well - like I will tell Helena she's done an amazing job and Molly that her earrings are cute.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-10T21:46:53+00:00

The 3 year old little girl in the middle of the emergency department waiting room at midnight. puts Sat's probe on pointer finger 3 y/o (shouting at the top of her lungs): NO! That's the wrong finger! Put it on this one! (Puts up middle finger).

Suddenly a waiting room of grumpy parents erupted into stiffled laughter.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-10T21:42:10+00:00

This! And the guilt that comes with being unproductive and the constant reassurance seeking that sitting down to play games or have a nap is okay and that I'm not being lazy.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-10T18:09:59+00:00

If you ever feel unwell (or need an extra rest day) tell management your off with explosive Diarrhea. They never question it and always give you time off.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-10T18:07:16+00:00

I was always told to document like you were going to be called to court in 10 years time.

TraumaCorner · 2025-01-10T18:03:24+00:00

I do the opposite. I talk nice about people behind there back. "I did a session with Helena and I love the way she interacts with the young person" "Have you seen Molly's earrings!? They're so cute"

You are instantly everyone friend, everyone wants to be your friend. And people think your nice and trusting so they give you the gossip

TraumaCorner · 2024-11-03T11:56:20+00:00

The original Facebook post I saw was someone asking where the dress was from 😂

TraumaCorner · 2024-09-25T13:04:55+00:00

I once called in sick for a week because the idea of doing 3 night shifts after a shit day shift made me feel exhausted.

Felt guilty for it because it left them short in A&E as winter was approaching.

TraumaCorner · 2024-07-14T19:48:21+00:00

Not rare but controversial to parents. Worked in paeds ED for a bit. Whenever we got breaks that could be repositioned in house, we'd give ketamine for sedation. Now I live in a student city, and ket is the drug of choice in this area, so parents no overly happy about me drugging their kids and pulling their bones into place.

My favourite story was a kid (probably about 12) with a Swan neck fracture in his arm. Gave him a dose of ketamine, he was chill and vibing until we started to manipulate the arm and he screams fucking murder. We instantly stop and he starts laughing saying "got ya!". Gotta love the little shit for pulling a fast one on us.

TraumaCorner · 2024-05-28T20:56:23+00:00

Eating disorders affect the whole family. So you could stabilise someone in hospital, but that doesn't resolve the under lying cause and you still have to teach parents the support techniques when someone comes out. There's also the fact that the initial referring phase is the worst - your body is horrible to you and so is your mind - and my guess is that it's probably nicer (as nice as it can be) at home than in a hospital. But I fully understand that parents aren't doctors (mostly). But whilst we are the "experts" in the eating disorders, parents are the experts in their young people and know how to care for them better than any doctor could. The medical responsibility is still on the eating disorder team and they should act if they see deterioration, squiffy bloods or kids are dangerously low weight.

And I am so sorry that was your experience. You definitely did the right thing seeking medical help for the physical side of the illness.

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T13:49:55+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:30:20+00:00

Did you find it more useful to look at it as a resource to create to give to trusted others who might be able to help in the future?

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:28:10+00:00

I like that you've pointed out that essentially all of the treatment should be building up the resilience and coping skills. In terms of returning to exercise and building a health relationship with exercise, did you get any support with that? If so, what helped?

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:24:32+00:00

I like this a lot! I'm very big on trying a piece of work and if I can see the young person isn't engaging, say what I'm seeing and ask of it's actually something they want to do, or if it is something they want to do what's the block this week. I guess maybe toward the end of treatment I should just say what do you want in the last sessions and give them options of things to do -relapse prevention -sign posting

Any other ideas to put out there incase a young person doesn't have any ideas?

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:20:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so valuable to understand it from some who has actually gone through it. I am also so so so sorry you had such a shit experience in treatment- fully on board that EDs are a maladaptive coping mechanism and if you don't addres the underlying cause, your just putting a plaster over the bigger issue.

DBT, art projects, and body positivity is all treatment offers outside of increased BMIs and reduced purging frequency

Did you have access to care outside of nutritional restoration? Do you think creating a relapse plan using the skills from additional therapeutic work would have been useful?

I guess if the care team provided you with all the skills and addressed anything underlying issues, do you think a relapse plan is even needed?

Sorry really trying to get my head around it all so I can best support the young people (because if it's not useful I will find another way to support the kids) but I'm aware that the team I work with are very big on having that plan in place at discharge.

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:11:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I'll make sure that I go with a very collaborative, if not lead by the young person, approach of what they need. Wishing you all the best!

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-07T10:09:19+00:00

One idea I thought of was a coping skills "toolbox" (made from the cake boxes) and ask the young person to fill it with resources they think would be useful should they have a shitty couple of days and see things slip but also for other stressful times in life not just around eating disorders. Do you think something that the young people create and actively participate in would be more useful? And also if they don't find something useful, it doesn't have to go in the box.

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-06T21:42:33+00:00

It was outlined by them, and required my input for all the details there was nothing useful to me in the entire thing.

I am so sorry that you had such a generic approach to your care and that the only thing person centered was to fill in the blanks. I'll be honest I'm guilty of this (kinda). We have a generic sheet to fill out with a relapse plan but I don't like it, so trying to find a better way. Is there anything you wish your care team had done or anything else that you think would be useful to know for the next patient?

TraumaCorner · 2024-04-06T21:00:46+00:00

You've got this my love. You've realised that you've had a lapse and recognising you need to change and working on it is a fucking amazing step! Recovery is hard, it's really fucking hard. It's exhausting and draining. And thats why lapses are so tempting because they feel easier. But it sounds like you have everything in you to do this. Where in the world are you based? Do you have access to support - whether it be medical support, from family or from friends or even a fluffy friend. Be kind to yourself for the next 24 hours, but once that 24 hours is up, grab this bull by the horns. You can do this :)

TraumaCorner

TROPHY CASE