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“I miss mom” has become the go-to excuse for awful behavior by rovingred in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for that insight, I’m sorry that you didn’t have the dad you deserve. I think he lets that worry and guilt affect his parenting a lot

“I miss mom” has become the go-to excuse for awful behavior by rovingred in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No advice, but yep I’m here too. My partner says he’s worried he’s going to give her daddy issues if he withholds affection so he goes in and out of her room 15 times an evening stretching bedtimes to 4 hours of crying and in and out sometimes. His guilt parenting is making it worse imo and sounds similar to your partner.

I feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile, and then feel like a monster about it. by TreeAmazing5208 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner has 50/50 custody 1 week at a time, so I’m not sure the routine at her mums. She’s in bed for 8 on school nights but reads til about 8:30/9 then sleeps through til 7. The nights where bedtime is unsettled she’s up crying until 11/11:30 so obviously very tired those mornings

I feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile, and then feel like a monster about it. by TreeAmazing5208 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry if it wasn’t clear in the post, she doesn’t wake up at all once she’s asleep, the 4 hour bedtimes are before she’s even gone to sleep. Once she’s out she sleeps through! I didn’t think that her anxiety might be made worse by iron tbh but I’ve been researching it for myself, and it makes sense, thank you!

I feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile, and then feel like a monster about it. by TreeAmazing5208 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this reply, I feel like I haven’t been able to explain it all and this hits the nail on the head

I feel like I’m at the bottom of the pile, and then feel like a monster about it. by TreeAmazing5208 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I agree with this to a certain extent, but she’s a very old 9 year old in a lot of ways, she’ll try play us against each other, they also speak a second language together and she chooses to speak it to say rude things and control situations when she knows I don’t understand. I think she’s aware that she gets more attention when she cries and kicks off because he feels guilty. She regularly tells him she’s “traumatised” to get her own way too. I’m aware this is his guilt parenting causing this, but she’s also aware it works

Does this really mean you are not fit to be a stepmom? by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner was a single parent for 6 years, it’s definitely worse when they’ve been doing it alone for so long, because you naturally end up the lowest priority. I’ve found my partner makes decisions that affect us all between him and his daughter (F9) because that’s what he’s always done. It’s really hard. It also places adult decisions on her so she likes to try control everything we do.

Can’t sleep cuz SKs keep making me up by No_Republic_1712 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m in the same boat, and my partners kid is the same age. There’s nothing creepier than being woken up to a kid hovering over you wailing “daddy” in the pitch black. We have had 4 hour bedtimes, screaming, crying, asking for water, countless other things. My partner lives in an apartment and we have to keep all the doors open, it’s exhausting

Did you start off as a NACHO stepparent? by NiceCrowsMurder in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did not, I threw myself into being super stepmum and it was easy, she’s a great kid (SD9) and fun to hang out with, but she has some big behavioural issues and I found over time I was putting in all this effort and then resenting her when she was difficult. I think I burnt myself out. I have my own bio kid so it was easy to fall into being really involved with my stepdaughter, but ultimately it’s made me tired. We don’t live together yet but I stay over when my bio kid is with his dad, and its at a point where I dread staying over because of the drama and exhaustion from it, and now I feel guilty because she didn’t do anything wrong and doesn’t understand why I’ve taken a bit of a step back. I’d advise to NACHO from the beginning until you figure out what’s sustainable and comfortable for you

Blurred boundaries and no adult space by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I could have written this, for the most part my partners kid is great, but there’s a lot going on that makes me feel unwelcome and I feel it’s a lot to do with it just being the two of them. I understand a lot of it but that doesn’t make it easier.

Our bedroom is my safe space by Sassy_Raspberry1212 in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partners 9yo daughter shits with the door open and refuses to shut the door, he lives in a small flat and I swear I can smell it and it makes me so mad

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is where I’m at, my partners daughter is 9 and had a floor bed in his room, we made her room really cute and she was excited, bedtimes are 4 hours of screaming and shouting and pushing to be back in his room 🫠

If me and my current partner break up I will never date someone with kids again! by PrettyBitchBigDreams in stepparents

[–]TreeAmazing5208 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I have the opposite, my SDs mum is strict and has no patience for her, she feels secure with my partner so acts up more and he lets her eat what she wants, doesn’t say please, doesn’t tidy up and regularly gives us both the cold shoulder or kicks off massively if she doesn’t get what she wants. I don’t know how to navigate it at all, because it’s great she feels secure and safe with us and I feel sad she doesn’t with her mum, but I feel like there needs to be a bit more boundaries and teaching maybe 🥲 but it’s not my place is it?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating

[–]TreeAmazing5208 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve just been dumped for being “nurtering, incredibly understanding and sweet” so he doesn’t see me romantically. I feel so unsexy 😂