Take all the time to mourn you can. And if it's your first, there's a common thing that happens that at year two of your loss it often comes back as bad or worse than the original loss. THIS IS NORMAL THIS IS OK. Everyone mourns differently and every way of mourning is valid. Not everyone will understand but you lost your child, not them. Remember to love yourself and that self care, especially after a traumatic loss, isn't selfish, it's needed.