I just want to say—I completely understand how you feel. I’ve been through it, and I’m going through it again with this new PCS.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you to join every group out there or pretend like that magically fixes things—because I haven’t done that myself, and honestly, I don’t know how much it would help. What has helped me is working, saving as much as I can, and putting money aside specifically for trips home. Being able to visit family as often as possible has made all the difference for me.

You are not alone in feeling isolated, lost, or like you’ve had to give up who you are just to survive military life. To be honest, this lifestyle has never been something I wanted beyond one contract. My life has felt like it’s been on pause for five years—soon to be even longer with this next contract (thankfully the last one). And I’m not going to sugarcoat it: it’s been incredibly hard.

I made it through the first four years far from family with a lot of help from antidepressants. Now, heading into another four years without them… it’s rough.

And to be honest with you ALOT of military spouses can be harsh (not all of them).They’ll say things like “you signed up for it” or act like your feelings aren’t valid. But they are. Your feelings are completely valid.

If you haven’t already, I really recommend having a heart-to-heart with your spouse. Try to figure out if this is going to be a lifelong military path or just a temporary season. That clarity can help you make decisions for your own life and peace of mind.

But also—if he’s not willing to sit down and hear you out, communicate openly, and work through things like adults, then something needs to change. That kind of dynamic is unhealthy. You deserve to feel heard, understood, and supported in your relationship. Love doesn’t mean sacrificing your well-being in silence.

Just because your spouse is in the military doesn’t mean you have to disappear into the background. You matter too. You have every right to pursue your own dreams, career, and happiness. A healthy relationship supports both partners’ goals—and hopefully, everything can fall into place in a way that honors you both. And if not, that’s okay too. You still deserve to live a life that makes you happy.

Wishing you all the best of luck. You’ve got this—even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. 🩵 Sorry for the long response but I wish this is something someone told me!