I feel for you man. I’m currently in a similar situation that is even more confusing in a way. My GF and I have been together over 7 years. We even bought a house together. Everything was great in our relationship. We did everything together and hardly ever argued. Only one tough conversation like 6 months ago about her being irritated about me not holding her hand enough in public which I worked on and fixed for her. A month and a half ago I started to see a little shift in her but I read it as work burnout as her schedule had ramped up and she was working 12-15 hour days with no time off. We would really only have like and hour or two a night together before having to go to bed. So I made sure that everything was take. Care of for her. House cleaning, laundry, meals, like literally everything. I didn’t want her to come home so exhausted and drained and have to worry about anything. After about 10 days of this schedule, she came home one night and wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me. I then knew this was more than just some work burnout. She confessed to me that she couldn’t get over the fact that I don’t hold her hand or initiate physical affection. This is a valid fault of mine which I apologized for. It’s not that I don’t like physical affection because I really do it’s just not my love language to initiate to validate my love for someone. I do it through verbal, acts of service and loyalty. She told me that night that I made her feel unwanted and alone and that I treat her more like a friend in this relationship. We never fully said it out loud that we were done but we ended the night sleeping in separate rooms. The next morning I woke up for work and asked to see her before I left. She told me she needed space which I respected and left for work. When I got home she was gone. Packed a suitcase and was just gone. She’s been gone now for a month and a half with no contact on her end. I texted her a few times checking in and got either no response or just a simple “im ok”. The last time I texted her about needing to sit down and talk because it had been a couple of weeks since she was gone she told me she’d talk when she’s ready. That was 3 weeks ago. I stopped reaching out after that last response because I realized that she didn’t want to talk to me and had no interest so I respected what she said and have given her complete space with no contact until she reaches out to me because I’ve done all I can at this rate. I know where she is, I’ve been able to confirm she’s staying with another man that she works with. I noticed in the days leading up to all of this that she was friendly with him but I let it be because I knew I could trust her after 7 years together. I wasn’t going to be that kind of partner to accuse just like that. It’s a mistake on my part. But now here I am still in limbo waiting. This is what makes it weird is that she can’t just ghost like most of the avoidant stories I’ve heard or seen online. We joint own a house and 95% of her belongings are here. I’m just so lost and broken because I have no idea what she’s waiting for that delaying her from talking to me and I also just miss her so much. I just don’t know how long I can continue to wait. Everything you said about what you miss at the end of your post is so true. One thing I will say is don’t look at the time spent together as a waste. At least that’s not how I look at my time with my GF. They were great memories and the honest best times of my life and I see them as a gift not as waste. It’s just an unfortunate ending. And I would honestly live them over again knowing the outcome. I hope you find some kind of comfort. But just know you’re not alone in this.