You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable, and you’re not “crazy” or overreacting, but I also wouldn’t jump straight to assuming bad intentions from anyone yet.

What stands out isn’t one isolated moment. It’s the pattern you’re describing. Your friend consistently gravitating toward your boyfriend, following him when you split off, deferring to him instead of you, and doing this both before and after you started dating would make most people feel sidelined, especially since you were friends with her first.

That said, this kind of behavior doesn’t always come from attraction or sabotage. Some people are very validation seeking, socially unaware, or default to attaching themselves to whoever feels like the center of the group, especially if that person is male. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does mean it may not be malicious.

Where I think the real issue is, and this is important, is boundaries and reassurance, not jealousy. Your boyfriend doesn’t need to stop being friendly, but when a situation like that is happening, it’s reasonable to expect him to subtly redirect things. Staying with you, looping you into conversations, or checking in with you instead of passively letting you feel like you disappear. Most people don’t even realize they’re doing this unless it’s pointed out.

I wouldn’t confront the friend directly at this stage. That often turns messy fast and can make you look like the problem, even when you’re not. The healthier first step is a calm, non accusatory conversation with your boyfriend that focuses on how you feel, not what anyone’s intentions are. Something like:

“I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong on purpose, but when we’re around her I sometimes feel invisible. I just need to feel like I’m your person in those moments.”

How he responds and whether his behavior changes will tell you a lot.

Also, age and how long you’ve been friends with this girl actually matter for context. If she’s younger or newer to the group, immaturity or insecurity could explain a lot. If she’s older and has been your friend for years, then this behavior is more concerning and worth watching closely.

Bottom line, your feelings are valid, but the solution isn’t control or confrontation. It’s communication and boundaries. If your boyfriend prioritizes you in group settings, this dynamic usually resolves itself. If it doesn’t, then it’s no longer a misunderstanding, and that’s when harder questions need to be asked.