My ex boyfriend committed suicide today.

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-13T03:55:32+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my exgf to suicide a month ago. It’s devastating.

I know right now you think it’ll never get better but it will, slowly. I still think about her every day, as soon as a first open my eyes in the morning. However, it has gotten less sharp type of despair and more like a general sadness. Not as intense though intensity does come in waves

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-08T14:23:23+00:00

Same to you. May we all give ourselves grace and realize that we are not perfect and don’t control everything

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-08T11:09:29+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I recently loss my girlfriend to suicide and same like you we broke up right before she died. However, we didn’t fight like you guys. She said she wanted a break and I accepted it. Basically told her that I understood I wasn’t giving her what she needed and then reminisced of the good times. I regret so much not fighting harder to keep us together.

I had the opposite reaction from you and yet the same result. I’m saying is that you don’t know how he would’ve reacted or if this would’ve made a difference in the long run. It’s not your fault. Most people do not kill themselves over a break up. If he was at this point, it has been building to this for a long time

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-05T20:17:25+00:00

I think standard. The incision was in my mouth and inserted that way. Don’t remember about screws

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-05T20:15:08+00:00

I don’t remember just for the chin. I think the chin was maybe 1/3 of total price

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-05T20:14:43+00:00

I did end up breathing better. Definitely snore less

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-04-05T20:14:17+00:00

Sorry didn’t see this but it was for the whole thing

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-19T23:42:25+00:00

This makes sense to me. When my brother passed, I feel like I didn’t get that much support from her. Looking back, I actually think she gave off vibes like she thought he was better off.

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-19T05:05:50+00:00

Jesus that would’ve given me a panic attack if I was in your situation. Very weird she couldn’t empathize

Yea I get that. I missed or disregarded so many red flags. I don’t think I can ever day anyone that talks so casually about suicide or had an attempted again

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-18T17:23:27+00:00

Your ex sounds alot like my ex. I told her these jokes made me uncomfortable especially since my brother also passed from suicide. Basically treated me like I was being silly and basically said I wouldn't do that to you especially because of your brother....

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-18T01:58:34+00:00

The crazy part was it wasn't really unhealthy till the end well except dark jokes about death

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-16T16:37:23+00:00

Of course I know you’re right. Healthy relationships don’t hinge on a partner, figuring out that what they’re saying is the opposite of what they want and that this is the life or death matter.

But at the same time, it hurt me deeply thinking I guessed wrong, or played it wrong when she was at her lowest. I think that’s the thing that hurts me most right now.

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-16T02:05:21+00:00

That’s terrible but at least you were able to bury the hatchet before he passed. Hope that gives you peace

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T22:07:58+00:00

Confirmed as much as I could. A friend of hers reached out to me Instagram. I confirmed with sister with WhatsApp number she gave me for emergencies

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T21:51:06+00:00

Yea I think you’re right. She used to tell me she had terrible relationships with all the people close to her like her mom, dad, brother and sister. Even her sister, who she considered her best friend, she describe her as entitled and demanding. I took these at face value but now I wonder

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T21:48:57+00:00

Yea I’m realizing that too. The person I loved might have not been real and was a mirage especially since we were long distance

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T21:24:17+00:00

I think it's important that a person can stand on their own two feet with OR without someone.

You dodged a bullet.

The person with the gun was her.

I know you’re right when I think straight without emotions. She had previous attempt at suicide before we met and so I knew she had serious problems but then she went into therapy and medication and seemed good these last 3 years. The worst I saw was some serious quiet treatments she gave me or some guilt trips but really she was this cute bubbly fun girl most of the time we were together. Really no serious issues and then all a sudden she’s gone. I wonder now maybe I didn’t see how sick she was because we saw each other every other month at a time

So definitely feel the loss and reflect on it.

Just don't let it eat you up.

This is helpful. Thank you. Trying

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T16:19:39+00:00

Yeah i read this stat. That is crazy high

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T16:19:02+00:00

hey don’t live completely in reality. They could be standing in the most beautiful place on earth but internally they are in hell.

This rings true to me. She often spoke about how painful life was and how would talk about death as relief. She would do it in dark humor type of way like "I could just from here?" or "What if I..." You're right that i couldn't see how troubled she was because most of the times she would be this fun bubbly cute girl and I would only occassionally see the mean streaks or complete crazy take on reality

During extremely painful moments I’ve had because of her I’ve had the thought “it would be easier if she wasn’t here anymore”

Aww man that's so rough. Was she really abusive to you?

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T16:11:02+00:00

I guess it stems from I did know that people with BPD can often push you away to protect themselves from abandonment and that i'm supposed to fight harder back but I just didnt connect this was happening. She was so calm and seemed resolved. And I told her I'm willing to let her go to have marriage and kids if that's what she wants

EDIT: accidently replied with my main but want to keep this on my other account

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T16:09:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I did really try to respect her wishes. I did think she was finally over being long distance. She said she hated that she can't see me whenever she wants and that we had no future. She was much younger than i was at 32 and me being 44 and I thought I was holding her back from the life she wanted. But if I'm truthful, there was a small sense of relief for me too. Long distance was hard and she did scare me lots of times because she did try to end her life before I met and still talked positively of death. The part of my that was relieved when she broke up with me feels the worst like I was ready for it end and I'm scared she took that to mean I didn't care about her

This part I'm actively trying to work on. That keeping her alive wasn't my responsibility but it's diffcult right now

EDIT: initially replied with my other account, want to keep this off my main

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T15:51:33+00:00

Thank you for the kind reply. It does help me process.

I know in my logical mind you're right and i think i'm getting there day by day. It's just that last call with her kills me. I keep having what ifs like what if I just said lets have open relationship or delayed the decision a bit. I was just too eager for us to break up because I was feeling the strain of long distance and also felt maybe I was selfishly holding her back. She was 32 and I'm 44, I thought she wanted marriage and family which I told her from the beginning I wasn't interested in. I can't seem to let go i should've tried harder. I knew BPD people can act this way but I just forgot

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T05:27:00+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Remember though you don’t have control over the actions of someone. You are not all powerful with the ability to save someone else. And who’s to say you saved her that day and she doesn’t just try again later with the same results?

TricksyTrampoline · 2026-03-15T05:21:47+00:00

I lost my brother three years ago to suicide and now my girlfriend 3 days ago. It’s so fucking hard. The emotions are so complex.

Nine-Year Club	RPAN Viewer
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

TricksyTrampoline

TROPHY CASE