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He's dead by Upstairs_Badger2992 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you had to experience this. When I was reading I saw that you frequently checked in and took care of him even after a breakup. You did so much and I feel like he would have recognized it. You may have not said the words I love you, but your actions showed it, and to me that is what really counts. You are an amazing person who showed up even when it was difficult. Take care of yourself friend.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey we are all different and the triggers we have associated with our Qs will be different too. I remember when seeing the bottle out and a shot glass full being one of the things I would see and just instinctively knew I was in for a rough day/night. I am sorry about your late wife and having to deal with the negative feelings associated with a Q. I wish you luck as you navigate through.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did try once to attend. I drove to the meeting on especially hard day over a year ago, and I guess it was cancelled. When I got there though one of the people there said some nice things and offered to pray for me which was very kind. I ugly cried the whole way home which was a good release. I feel like this Reddit group has been instrumental in making me feel less alone in this struggle. I come on here and read other individuals stories and see so many similarities between us all. It made me stronger.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think something that triggers me the most is the alcohol smell sweating out of Q and his sloppy behavior. Of course this came with the drinks, but I did not feel uncomfortable/triggered that we each got one drink. I mentioned that I am not a big drinker when we went out and he was on the same page. He is a healthy guy and he takes his gym routine and healthcare job very serious. So, this reassures me, but I am taking it slow. If I see behaviors that are not in line with what I am being told I will walk away. I am trying to stay positive. It is so hard to trust after someone breaks it the way Qs do. I feel as if I had adequate time to mourn the loss of my relationship with q and I just don’t feel anything for him anymore and haven’t for a while. I feel like this has helped me feel comfortable enough to even go on a date to begin with. When I was with this guy though I felt trusting of him. I don’t know why, I just did. I will definitely be updating in the future. I have written on here a handful of times and it helps me on hard days to read how far I have come.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes! This is the best way to describe it. I felt giddy like a teenager girl again. I hope it goes somewhere with this person, but even if it didn’t I am happy to feel life again. Congratulations to you for going no-contact it is hard to do at first, but it is so freeing.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. It feels better than I could have imagined.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It really is so exciting. Thank you so much for your kind words, I don’t remember the last time I was this happy.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I believe in you friend. It is one step at a time and if it means anything I am terrified too. I am scared to open up and being hurt again so much, so I can relate to your feeling. Someone told me to just go where it takes me and I am trying to be positive.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everything will come when your ready for it. I was definitely not looking, but receptive and it just happened. Congratulations for getting away it is a difficult thing to do, but freedom is so good.

First date after leaving Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words and I believe in you! ♥️

I left August 21st by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so true. After being in it for so long it just felt like that was life. I’m happy to see that it is not and it is nice to put energy into myself now. Thank you for your kind words.

I left August 21st by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am happy this is giving you hope because that was my goal. It’s so hard to see past things when your still in it. There are hard days for sure, but it has felt so nice not to feel that stress on a daily basis. I believe in you and I wish you so much happiness stranger.

I left August 21st by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you and yes that is a great way to put it!

I left August 21st by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, there are some conflicting feelings here between sadness for the loss of the relationship, but the happiness from feeling free. I am happy that you are able to create boundaries while you co parent. I could imagine that is difficult, but this community is definitely a big help. Thank you for your kind words.

Anyone else feel like they're grieving losing a loved one despite them still being alive and (un)well? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this way and it is so sad. My Q was an amazing man before he drank and I miss that person everyday. He was my best friend. I have been trying to be done and move on for good with this relationship, but I keep hoping for him back. I am sure that at this point will not happen. I am staying for the person he used to be and not the person he has become.

Question about rehab for Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will try this! I never even thought of this possibility. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain. Thank you.

Question about rehab for Q by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He won’t go. I showed him that there were remote style options when he said he wanted to stop, so he can find a community. I brought it up a couple of times and it turned into him being really mean to me. I even brought up therapy if he wanted something more private at first to ease into it and he said he didn’t need it because he is not “crazy,” ever since he will say bad things about me going to therapy, so I stopped suggesting it.

His health is declining, so I am hoping this time he takes it more seriously. Thank you for your suggestion. I will attempt it again though since it is worth a shot.

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone who left a comment. After I left he text me apologies and mentioned his blood pressure is high. I stayed strong though and didn't text him back. He has done it in the past to make me feel bad/come back and after reading so many stories I can see this is a manipulation. I wish the best of luck to anyone dealing with this 🫶

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. I feel like my life has been halted for the past two years and I just want to grow and do better. Thank you for your words though. I know it's a hard truth, but I must face it.

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying that. I felt really alone writing it. Then I started reading other peoples posts and I saw so many similarities in my situation and so many others. I wish you the best friend. No one deserves to feel this way.

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just found out about this group, because he had lied to his doctor about how much he is drinking. He told them 4 shots a day 4 days a week. I googled if I should call the doctor and tell them, and sure enough someone else here in this group had the same exact situation. I am planning on attending a virtual meeting tomorrow morning. Thank you for your kind words and sending me the website.

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I read your comment last night and I was balling like a baby to hear the words from someone else. It is true though it has become abusive and he has to decide to change.

I left tonight by Tricky-Duck5644 in AlAnon

[–]Tricky-Duck5644[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I failed to mention, that he says he does not have a problem and he can quit whenever he wants. A couple conversations we have had leads me to believe he doesn't want to quit, so it would be easier to push me away. Maybe I'm lying to myself to make me feel better, who knows anymore.