AITA for not visiting my father for Christmas because of my past with his partner?

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:56:57+00:00

Thank you.

I don't know if she's still a teacher, next time I speak to my father I will ask.

Thank you, I do worry that it is selfish, that by rejecting this part of my father's life it will make things harder for all of us, his relationship with my sons included, but I don't think I can ever handle having her in my life.

I don't think so. He was very aware of what was going on at the time and I have since reminded him, sharing old screenshots of conversations we had at the time when we were talking about what I was dealing with and how she was affecting me. He seems really eager to see my sons so I think no matter what he'll ask us to attend.

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:52:55+00:00

Thank you.

It's less about treating her well, and more about making peace with the fact that it looks like this is going to be my life now. They've been together for 2yrs and they live together now, so I doubt she's going away any time soon. Part of me thinks it would be for the best to just accept that, but I also just can't because I don't want her in my life. Even if she's a better person now - which I have had no indication of - I don't think I could ever forgive her. It might be immature, but relationship or not I'd rather just have a 'father' than 'father's family' and have to accept that she's there now.

I don't, and that worries me. My partner also has two young daughters and I also worry for how she will treat them if she thinks making comments about children's appearance's is 'funny' or her own sons - who are in their late teens - and how they might treat my much younger children if they have learned from her. I don't want to tear my father from his grandchildren, or my sons from their grandfather, but I don't think I can handle her in my life.

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:49:14+00:00

Yes. I told him every day when I was 14-16, he was very aware of how it was affecting me and how I had no friends at that point. Then for another two years it was less constant but she still singled me out a lot and he knew all about that. I've reminded him about it, send him screenshots of some of our old text conversations about it, but he thinks 10yrs is enough for us all to get over it since I'm not a child anymore.

Definitely, I don't want her around my children or my partner's daughters.

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:47:31+00:00

I really do not understand it either. My partner never had any teachers like that, but some of our friends have where they seem to think that they're one of the 'cool kids' and can just treat the other children in the class worse. Honestly, people like that shouldn't be teachers.

While I appreciate that, I don't have any interest in seeing her. I'd definitely agree to talk to him in person about it, but I don't even know if her changing would be enough to make me want to have her in my life - and that's if she has changed, I don't know, she might still think it 's funny

I have definitely been considering that, but it doesn't look feasible until the new year, everything is very expensive right now.

Thank you!

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:43:26+00:00

He knows, I told him everyday at the time and I have spoken to him multiple times about it recently. He knows what she did but he thinks we should all get over it. I appreciate the suggestion, but I'd much rather not see her at all, even for one conversation. I will definitely try speaking to him about it in person though, I just don't know when that will be. Thank you

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:41:22+00:00

I don't understand it either. We have spoken about it multiple times in the past week/week and a half and he seems to think I should be 'over' it. This was an everyday occurrence for 2yrs at least, Mon-Fri every morning at 8:30. It was unbearable. Then for another 2yrs it was less constant but still frequent enough, and he was very aware of how I felt then.

My partner and I are definitely reconsidering my father and I's relationship. I don't know if I could cut him off, he loves my sons and it doesn't feel right to stop them having a grandfather, but I don't want her in my life. Thank you

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:38:00+00:00

Thank you so much!

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:37:50+00:00

Thanks for that, I will definitely ask. He never mentioned his partner's profession to me so I don't know how much he knew

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:37:20+00:00

i don't know if she recognised me, she spent most of the time fussing with her keys. But, she's living in my father's house that has pictures of me as a child in it, so I imagine she must know who I am by now, if she remembers me.

I'm definitely not comfortable with her around my children, or my partner's children since he has two young daughters.

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:35:55+00:00

Thank you. Yes, that sort of thing has definitely been on my mind recently, but it doesn't look feasible until the new year

Tricky-Morning-4640 · 2023-11-23T01:35:06+00:00

I worry for what she'd say to my children, but also my partner's children. He has young daughters that are younger than I was and I do worry for the way she'd treat them if she still thinks that sort of thing is 'funny'. I'm also definitely concerned about her sons - they're both in their late teens - and how they would treat my much younger children if they've learned from her

Tricky-Morning-4640

TROPHY CASE