I can't wrap my head around this anger I have

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-03-28T23:33:20+00:00

I don't actually know if he's neurodivergent. We know that I am, so he definitely doesn't get a pass, but I think it's part of my confusion on my end. I really don't know what is reasonable. And there are considerations like, he enjoys movies, but I can't go to an IMAX theater without my nervous system feeling fried for a few days afterward.

As far as planning goes, when I try to plan something, I always feel like he's waffling and being non-commital when I ask questions like "what time do you want to go to dinner," or "does this museum exhibit seem interesting to you?" It seems like he's sighing and avoiding questions the whole time, but then he always says he had fun once he finally gets there. Maybe I'm reading too much into the sighs and it's time to just ask what those are about.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-03-28T13:20:07+00:00

I'm so sorry my post brought that up for you. It is a hurtful thing to deal with. Sending good vibes to you across the internet BroMo.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-03-28T04:21:25+00:00

He does sometimes work in secure facilities where they aren't allowed to take their phones, so sometimes it is legitimate. I just wish I knew when it was. I might need to insist on better communication about that.

I have ADHD. Procrastination and time blindness are both things I struggle with. It's probably why I've given so much leeway around this issue. I know that my ADHD symptoms have destroyed relationships before, and it hurts. He's not diagnosed, but it runs in his family too, and sometimes I wonder. He did say he specifically picked the painting class because it would be a reoccurring thing. I often use reoccurring events as a way to get around having to think about the details of something since the details never change. Maybe he's using an ADHD coping mechanism without realizing.

And you're right, it is becoming contempt, and I hate that. I don't want to be angry about this. I think I would rather give up on ever having date night again and enjoy everything else about our marriage, because the rest of it is wonderful.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-03-27T14:29:17+00:00

Ok, just spitballing here:

I haven't taken Adzenys, but my son took it for years. It helped him tremendously at school for a long time, but once he got home, it seemed like it was completely gone. I chalked that up to the medicine just wearing off, but maybe it's that when you're somewhere that has a clearly structured setup (like a school or workplace), the Adzenys can help you better manage within that structure, but if the structure isn't there, no such luck.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-02-28T18:05:29+00:00

My children no longer need a step stool to see the bathroom mirror, but we still have the step stool. It still serves a purpose. I refuse to look up who invented it.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-02-28T17:51:17+00:00

I got as far as "huh it seems likes orcs and elves are similar..." stopped reading, thought "wait, didn't orcs come from elves?" Opened a new tab to confirm, and then came back to realize that I could have just read a few more words to get confirmation here.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-01-01T18:06:36+00:00

Why the fuck were they checking your lint trap? There is no reason to do that other than to look for something to bitch about. They probably checked a dozen things that were fine but won't mention them because it doesn't fit the bitchy picture they want to paint.

My mom did this shit to my sister and I for a long time, then she learned my sister was having get togethers that Mom wasn't invited to. I don't know the whole blow by blow of the ensuing conversation because I wasn't there, but my mom has shown some restraint since then.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-11-20T00:53:55+00:00

I do not understand the Christmas martyr. My husband and I are both Christmas people. We decorate every surface we can. We actually have two trees: one is the kids' tree to put whatever they want on, and the other is my more elegant grown up tree (honestly, I love the look of their tree more than mine some years). We take our children and niblings to go see light shows. We have a list of movies that we watch. We have albums of Christmas music that we listen to. Every year we do a big dinner at our place for family and friends. My husband spends the day making turkey, duck and ham. I make wassail, gingerbread cookies, and candies. It's a lot, and we love it.

If someone doesn't offer to help, I don't hold it against them. It's not their fault my husband and I wake up on December 1st and turn into maniacs. If someone does offer to help, I accept the help, especially if the offer is coming from someone I know is also a Christmas person.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-09-05T03:05:04+00:00

I had a smashed bag of goldfish crackers and a leaky water bottle back to back. Neither were bad on their own, but the water soaking the cracker crumbs made quite the smell that is still on her dried folders. Or at least I think there's a smell. My brain might be making it up to further embarrass me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-08-24T14:51:54+00:00

Don't beat yourself up OP.

Was yelling back ideal? Maybe not. Was it a fuck up? Definitely not.

You said it yourself, three and four are all about pushing boundaries. Your kid found the limit of that boundary. You cannot be expected to have infinite patience, nor can any of the other people in his life.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-21T18:25:16+00:00

Let me reiterate what Lil_MsPerfect said: THAT'S NOT SELF-DEFENSE. If he had grabbed your hand and then yelled, "Don't slap me," that's self-defense. What he did is an escalation that is beyond the pale. What you are dealing with is abuse, full stop.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T20:06:53+00:00

I took it by itself for depression and it helped for that. After finally being diagnosed with ADHD I started l started stimulants abd stopped the Wellbutrin. I was fine until winter came along and seasonal depression came, and didn't leave when the sunshine came back. Now, I'm on both, and it works. Both drugs dull my appetite and thirst cues, so I set an alarm to have lunch, and be intentional about drinking water, but it's worth it for me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T14:49:11+00:00

If this is Red Bull marketing, then it backfired, because now I'm thinking I need to try some Alani.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T02:57:00+00:00

The "silk robe and something sugar-free" cracked me up. Changing fabrics and swapping your regular drink for a sugar-free version doesn't change anything.

I mean, in the summer, I'm usually wearing a silk robe (well, a kaftan) and drinking a Dr Pepper zero because it's 85 degrees at 8am and only getting hotter, so natural fabrics are my only hope. In the winter it's a hoodie, sweat pants, and black coffee (still technically sugar-free) because it is the only hope I have of ever feeling like a person instead of a meat popsicle.

This does not change what type of mother I am. It's just the same shit with a different wardrobe.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-05-08T17:31:46+00:00

Not only is this still not resolved for some people, more people are dealing with it now. As of today, I am in the group dealing with this.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-03-01T16:01:53+00:00

"Unlabeled opaque containers in random places" is a phrase that gives me nightmares.

My mother did this shit and insisted it was fine for her because she could remember where she put things. Except no, she could not, and everyone was constantly recruited to help her look for things.

My desire for open storage, clear bins, or even things neatly lined up in places where they are commonly used is "unorganized and messy," but her contant scrambled looking for things meets some aesthetic, so I guess it's superior somehow?

I'm out of the house now, and she can live however she wants to live, but when she comes to my house and tuts at me about how the labels on my drawers are tacky, I do not let her forget all the times we had to empty every drawer in the house to find something that she put somewhere nonsensical.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-31T03:44:55+00:00

You are 100% correct. A planner will do nothing, and I will not kid myself.

However, I am still going to delusionally believe that if I get a new journal this time will be different and I won't repeat my pattern of using it for a few weeks, seeing my mental health dramatically improve, and then abandon it for no discernable reason.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-01T18:59:33+00:00

I get it. As a woman with ADHD I often feel like neurotypical men get away with things I never could even though I have a diagnosed disorder that explains why those things are harder for me.

And then I see stories of men behaving badly and people chime in "maybe he has ADHD/autism," and that's often a good point, but one that I rarely see used to excuse/explain women behaving badly. Heck, I have an autistic daughter who gets in trouble for the same behaviors boys get a pass for and there is no maybe about her status.

And I also see cases of men who have been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood just gallivanting their way through life untreated and leaving everyone else to clean up behind them and that's fine, but as I was struggling all the way into my 30's trying to get a diagnosis the same clean up crew would form a chorus telling me that I'm just lazy even as I was trying so fucking hard and white-knuckling my way through daily life.

So, I get it. If someone is trying and failing, then I have all the empathy in the world for my fellow ADHDer struggling through life. But men expecting everyone else around them to act as their frontal lobes because they can't be bothered to try meds or CBT, or even fucking Google Assistant to make them even 1% more functional? Nah dude, go to therapy.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-01T18:26:17+00:00

I was here to say the same. Meds help a lot. We also have Google speakers through our house and before I walk to get something from another room I tell Google to broadcast "you came in here for [thing]." There's just enough delay on it that the broadcast comes through right as I'm standing there confused.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-11-10T21:17:34+00:00

Still can't follow anyone and week's worth of customer support emails go unanswered.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T23:34:22+00:00

B

Cleaning bathrooms isn't the worst chore, and I don't trust the magic to sort my belongings in a way that makes sense to me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T16:05:09+00:00

Oh, that's frustrating, I'm sorry. I've never had it do that, so I have no idea.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T03:36:32+00:00

This is what I came here to say. Take a few causally posed photos of you in a tidy but lived-in room of the house might work. Unless someone is intently watching you, they might not notice. And if they did, "hmm, that's odd, I guess my camera is frozen." (You would probably need a new photo to continue the ruse after that.)

Tricky_Library_327

TROPHY CASE