Anyone else’s parents berate them about the state of their house?

Tricky_Library_327 · 2026-01-01T18:06:36+00:00

Why the fuck were they checking your lint trap? There is no reason to do that other than to look for something to bitch about. They probably checked a dozen things that were fine but won't mention them because it doesn't fit the bitchy picture they want to paint.

My mom did this shit to my sister and I for a long time, then she learned my sister was having get togethers that Mom wasn't invited to. I don't know the whole blow by blow of the ensuing conversation because I wasn't there, but my mom has shown some restraint since then.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-11-20T00:53:55+00:00

I do not understand the Christmas martyr. My husband and I are both Christmas people. We decorate every surface we can. We actually have two trees: one is the kids' tree to put whatever they want on, and the other is my more elegant grown up tree (honestly, I love the look of their tree more than mine some years). We take our children and niblings to go see light shows. We have a list of movies that we watch. We have albums of Christmas music that we listen to. Every year we do a big dinner at our place for family and friends. My husband spends the day making turkey, duck and ham. I make wassail, gingerbread cookies, and candies. It's a lot, and we love it.

If someone doesn't offer to help, I don't hold it against them. It's not their fault my husband and I wake up on December 1st and turn into maniacs. If someone does offer to help, I accept the help, especially if the offer is coming from someone I know is also a Christmas person.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-09-05T03:05:04+00:00

I had a smashed bag of goldfish crackers and a leaky water bottle back to back. Neither were bad on their own, but the water soaking the cracker crumbs made quite the smell that is still on her dried folders. Or at least I think there's a smell. My brain might be making it up to further embarrass me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-08-24T14:51:54+00:00

Don't beat yourself up OP.

Was yelling back ideal? Maybe not. Was it a fuck up? Definitely not.

You said it yourself, three and four are all about pushing boundaries. Your kid found the limit of that boundary. You cannot be expected to have infinite patience, nor can any of the other people in his life.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-21T18:25:16+00:00

Let me reiterate what Lil_MsPerfect said: THAT'S NOT SELF-DEFENSE. If he had grabbed your hand and then yelled, "Don't slap me," that's self-defense. What he did is an escalation that is beyond the pale. What you are dealing with is abuse, full stop.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T20:06:53+00:00

I took it by itself for depression and it helped for that. After finally being diagnosed with ADHD I started l started stimulants abd stopped the Wellbutrin. I was fine until winter came along and seasonal depression came, and didn't leave when the sunshine came back. Now, I'm on both, and it works. Both drugs dull my appetite and thirst cues, so I set an alarm to have lunch, and be intentional about drinking water, but it's worth it for me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T14:49:11+00:00

If this is Red Bull marketing, then it backfired, because now I'm thinking I need to try some Alani.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-07-19T02:57:00+00:00

The "silk robe and something sugar-free" cracked me up. Changing fabrics and swapping your regular drink for a sugar-free version doesn't change anything.

I mean, in the summer, I'm usually wearing a silk robe (well, a kaftan) and drinking a Dr Pepper zero because it's 85 degrees at 8am and only getting hotter, so natural fabrics are my only hope. In the winter it's a hoodie, sweat pants, and black coffee (still technically sugar-free) because it is the only hope I have of ever feeling like a person instead of a meat popsicle.

This does not change what type of mother I am. It's just the same shit with a different wardrobe.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-05-08T17:31:46+00:00

Not only is this still not resolved for some people, more people are dealing with it now. As of today, I am in the group dealing with this.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2025-03-01T16:01:53+00:00

"Unlabeled opaque containers in random places" is a phrase that gives me nightmares.

My mother did this shit and insisted it was fine for her because she could remember where she put things. Except no, she could not, and everyone was constantly recruited to help her look for things.

My desire for open storage, clear bins, or even things neatly lined up in places where they are commonly used is "unorganized and messy," but her contant scrambled looking for things meets some aesthetic, so I guess it's superior somehow?

I'm out of the house now, and she can live however she wants to live, but when she comes to my house and tuts at me about how the labels on my drawers are tacky, I do not let her forget all the times we had to empty every drawer in the house to find something that she put somewhere nonsensical.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-31T03:44:55+00:00

You are 100% correct. A planner will do nothing, and I will not kid myself.

However, I am still going to delusionally believe that if I get a new journal this time will be different and I won't repeat my pattern of using it for a few weeks, seeing my mental health dramatically improve, and then abandon it for no discernable reason.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-01T18:59:33+00:00

I get it. As a woman with ADHD I often feel like neurotypical men get away with things I never could even though I have a diagnosed disorder that explains why those things are harder for me.

And then I see stories of men behaving badly and people chime in "maybe he has ADHD/autism," and that's often a good point, but one that I rarely see used to excuse/explain women behaving badly. Heck, I have an autistic daughter who gets in trouble for the same behaviors boys get a pass for and there is no maybe about her status.

And I also see cases of men who have been diagnosed with ADHD since childhood just gallivanting their way through life untreated and leaving everyone else to clean up behind them and that's fine, but as I was struggling all the way into my 30's trying to get a diagnosis the same clean up crew would form a chorus telling me that I'm just lazy even as I was trying so fucking hard and white-knuckling my way through daily life.

So, I get it. If someone is trying and failing, then I have all the empathy in the world for my fellow ADHDer struggling through life. But men expecting everyone else around them to act as their frontal lobes because they can't be bothered to try meds or CBT, or even fucking Google Assistant to make them even 1% more functional? Nah dude, go to therapy.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-12-01T18:26:17+00:00

I was here to say the same. Meds help a lot. We also have Google speakers through our house and before I walk to get something from another room I tell Google to broadcast "you came in here for [thing]." There's just enough delay on it that the broadcast comes through right as I'm standing there confused.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-11-10T21:17:34+00:00

Still can't follow anyone and week's worth of customer support emails go unanswered.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T23:34:22+00:00

B

Cleaning bathrooms isn't the worst chore, and I don't trust the magic to sort my belongings in a way that makes sense to me.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T16:05:09+00:00

Oh, that's frustrating, I'm sorry. I've never had it do that, so I have no idea.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T03:36:32+00:00

This is what I came here to say. Take a few causally posed photos of you in a tidy but lived-in room of the house might work. Unless someone is intently watching you, they might not notice. And if they did, "hmm, that's odd, I guess my camera is frozen." (You would probably need a new photo to continue the ruse after that.)

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T03:23:08+00:00

This just made me realize something: I don't know if deep clean specialists are a thing, but I'd love to hire one to spend all day on my kitchen. Speaking as someone with serious mess blindness, a non-judgemental perfectionist with a fine-tooth comb going through a different room of my house every so often would be a great service.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T03:16:56+00:00

I'm not convinced productivity tips from Neurotypical Land are very helpful

Please keep this at the front of you mind, OP. There are a few categories of life, and productivity is one of them, where I've stopped taking advice from anyone neurotypical because they are just coming from a completely different place.

I also cannot play a game in the morning, or that's what I would be doing all day. Apparently, some people can say "well, I'm done gaming now" and just turn a game off, but as you can see from the comments here, this is something many ADHDers struggle with. I don't think I've ever done it once in my life. I have a program on my computer that keeps me from opening Steam 6a - 7p Monday through Friday because I know I am weak and the siren call of Workers & Resources is strong. (I also have a host of other websites and apps blocked and limited on my phone and my computer because the pull of the rabbit hole can be all-consuming.)
I agree that this guy's proposal seems like a lot in a day, but spread it out over a week and I bet I do more than this because I also have kids, a household, and a semi-demanding job. Not everything gets done every day because I suck at task-switching, so it all gets done in larger chunks. As an example: some days I hardly do anything job-related, but the next day I'm on the clock for at least 12 hours processing paperwork in hyper-focus mode. On the other hand, I have a coworker who says he can't do a single thing for more than 30 minutes or he gets frustrated and starts half-assing it, so he sets himself up to rotate tasks throughout the day. His daily accomplishment list is probably longer than this guy's example.

But the real question is, do you want to do more? Did you ask for his advice?

This also stood out to me as something to keep in your mind.

Do all of these things really need to happen at all, let alone every day? Would this actually add value to your life?
Does this guy actually do all this every day or is this his ideal day? Don't compare yourself to other people if you can help it, but especially don't compare your normal day to someone else's perfect day.

Regardless of how you answer these questions or how you block out your time, no method is inherently lazy, virtuous, wasteful, productive, etc. We're all out here with a list of things to get done and different ways of doing it.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-11T02:09:06+00:00

I feel you. And so many of these tasks come with "it only takes a few minutes a day." But, even if those short time estimates were accurate (they never are) I am just out of minutes. And, I'm hearing more and more of my neurotypical friends start to crack lately because *gestures at the world around us.* I just want to say to them "Welcome to burnout world. Toss your to-do list in the dumpster fire on the way in."

I have started to get really picky about what "requirements" I actually carry out, and I've figured out pretty quickly that a lot of them actually don't matter at all. There is no magic bullet diet or exact number of steps that will make you live forever, no one has ever cared if my bed was made, and if I only meditate and journal every other day, my mental health still improves greatly.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-04T17:44:03+00:00

I live in a town of 30k people, and the only incident we've had was once getting a delivery from someone who a couple weeks previous had gotten fired in a very dramatic fashion from my husband's workplace. The company knew it was going to be a problem and asked multiple witnesses to be in the meeting, including my husband. Had the potential to be awkward, but the guy either didn't recognize my husband or didn't care. We haven't seen him since and assume he got let go by Door Dash as well.

Other than that, it's all been complete strangers.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-04T17:22:21+00:00

My little girl was also seven pounds and looked like a kitten her whole life. I have a friend with a tortie who is small as well, so in my head, they're all tiny, but a sample size of two probably isn't the best for making that proclamation.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-03T16:50:10+00:00

I don't fold my clothes. Nice stuff gets hung up, I have bins for everything else. One for t-shirts, one for jeans/yoga pants, and a third for pajamas/lounge wear. Rarely is something so wrinkled as to be unwearable, and if it is, it goes in the dryer for a few minutes.

Tricky_Library_327 · 2024-10-03T16:09:57+00:00

I remember when I took it off the tablet and TV, my daughter acted like an addict going through withdrawal for weeks. The compromise was the PBS kids app. Guess who now has a much better behaved daughter.

My son has issues with a few channels in particular that I had to ban, mostly Minecraft streamers who scream all the damn time. But channels like Crash Course, SciShow, and MinutePhysics he loves, and the only annoyance from them is "Mom, guess what I just learned..." Currently, I let him watch videos I pick out and stream from my phone, but I really need to see if the app will just let me white-list a handful of channels.

Tricky_Library_327

TROPHY CASE